The Many Last Names of Darcy Lewis
by 8. B. R. Adford
Summary: When Phil arrived at the hospital after a woman claimed to have secretly had Tony Stark's child, he hadn't planned on taking it, hadn't planned on being a father, and certainly hadn't planned on raising the genius known as Darcy Lewis at SHIELD. But Coulson knows that very little goes as planned. Coulson!Dad/Darcy, Stark!Dad/Darcy, Darcy/Steve Now past the Avengers :)
1. Darcy the Hellraiser

**Disclaimer I do not own anything having anything to do with Marvel, Avengers, Thor, or the SHIELD New Recruit Survival Tips. **

* * *

_**SHIELD New Recruit Survival Tip Correspondence**_

**Survival Tip #435** – Director Fury on has one eye. He only needs one. For everything else, he has Coulson.

**Survival Tip #308** – Certain highly skilled minors will, at times, be utilized by SHIELD. Please do not attempt to discipline these minors unless you are explicitly assigned to do so. Their skill sets could leave you in a very embarrassing incident.

**Survival Tip #355** – Coulson sees all. All.

**Survival Tip #289** – Despite what Agent Barton claims, the air ducts are not an approved method of traveling through buildings. You will get stuck before you really get anywhere.

**Survival Tip #460** – Under no circumstances should you ever utter the phrase 'What's the worst that could happen?'

* * *

"Bzzz…Bzzz," the phone sizzled against the wood of the bedside table, "Bzzz…Bzzz."

"Hello," the man voiced hurriedly, he knew better than to not answer his phone, not only would he be reamed out by his boss the next morning but the world could literally end should he sleep in an extra hour to ignore the call.

"Are you sure that this is _that_ urgent?" he asked doubtfully into the phone, glancing dejectedly to the empty spot on his left where his wife once slept before she'd demanded a divorce, for things like this.

"Alright, I'll grab the first plane out," he responded letting his phone slam shut back onto the table before begrudgingly swinging his legs over the bed to actually get up and get ready. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

Phil stood half-asleep just outside the maternity ward of Thousand Oaks Surgical Hospital in Malibu, California at 4:40…4:41am he noted as he eyed the digital clock above the double doors into the wing. He did not feel like this was a good use of his time. He was Fury's best friend and was in the running for the 3rd in command of the new division currently in development, SHIELD; and here he was standing outside the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit sighing dejectedly. He was called because of some stupid suicide note, from some stupid woman, who apparently had no respect for human life or an Agent's sleep schedule.

"Mr. Coulson," a man asked curiously from the doors into the ward, eyes bloodshot and dreary, a doctor's coat draped over him, and clipboard in his hands, "You can come on back now."

"I was called because this is highly sensitive," Phil questioned as they moved down the vacant corridor toward the baby's room.

"Yes, this is highly sensitive," the doctor responded, "and we didn't want this to get into the press, I know that trying to contact a secret area of the government is quite extreme but that fact that you actually came must be something."

"Yes, this is something."

"Now we haven't been able to run the paternity tests yet just because the offices aren't even open this early but they have been sent over and we should be receiving the results later today."

"Do you have the note?" Phil asked curiously.

The Doctor nodded before fishing it out of his pocket and handing it to the agent beside him.

Unfolding it slowly, Phil read the note quietly to himself,

Dear Tony,

I hope you know that all of this is your fault. You're a fucking jerk and I hope you and your demon spawn rot in hell. Yeah that's right, this stupid diseased thing that you gave me is a demon and I hate it. Because of you I had to quit college, I lost my cheer scholarship and my grades plummeted, my parents threw me out, they don't believe in sex before marriage. So now I'm pregnant and homeless but I'm going to solve both of those problems. I'm going to kill the stupid ass baby and get on with my life. And that's why there's a box full of bloody body parts with this letter. That, my dear Tony, is your baby. Have a great life, asshole.

May Lewis (I made sure to put my last name since I knew you wouldn't remember it)

Phil couldn't believe that someone had actually written this in seriousness, he had to read it again simply in disbelief.

"So as you can see, that note didn't really happen," the Doctor responded, "What did happen however, was May took quite a bit of Vicodin and Meth, then proceeded to attempt to give herself an abortion in an alley with a coat hanger. We found the box she was apparently planning on putting the baby in after she'd…removed it and it was addressed to Tony Stark; now I know this could be a hoax but we didn't want it getting into the press, especially since he's just started making a name for himself within Stark Industries now that he's taken over as CEO. We know how it could look to people."

"Well the US government thanks you for your discretion," Coulson replied, "I was wondering if I could speak with the mother?"

"Well the mother actually didn't make it," the Doctor responded, "It was a combination of drug overdose and blood loss."

"And the baby?"

"The baby appears to be quite healthy despite the clear drug problem of the mother and the attempted late term abortion but since she was pre-mature we are keeping her under observation. We've contacted May Lewis' parents but they were quite adamant that they wanted nothing to do with her. We'll be calling in a social worker once the nearby office opens up for the day."

"Can I see the child?" Coulson asked curiously.

"Of course," the doctor answered, "Follow me."

Phil paused behind the Doctor before taking the initiative to go into the room that the man had pushed open for him, the baby itself was surrounded in a bubble of sorts with plastic arms to hold and coddle it. Phil felt weightless as his body moved to stand beside the incubator and stare at the little girl who seemed to be sound asleep and quite content.

"She doesn't seem very agitated despite the tube down her throat. That's actually quite rare; she isn't even on anything…she's just sleeping right now," the doctor stated flatly from behind him, "She's actually quite curious about everything and she appears to be pretty smart, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if she was a Stark."

"Thank you Doctor," Phil stated flatly to what one would assume was a dismissal; it didn't go unnoticed by the man who then moved from the room and gave the agent some privacy.

As soon as Phil was sure he was alone he called his boss, the man who'd insisted he come here to begin with, "Fury, it's Coulson."

"What do you have to report?"

"Not a lot as none of the labs are open to do any of the work needed to prove anything."

"What do you think?"

"I think it's his sir."

Fury growled on the other end of the line.

"Sir, what do you think we should do?"

"Nothing," Fury responded, "Stark has barely become a man and he isn't even responsible enough to take care of himself let alone another human being. Besides, he's projecting the development of six new super weapons within the year and we don't need his attention diverted. Let social services handle it."

"Are you sure sir," Coulson asked in disbelief.

"That's the only thing to do at this point; hell the boy's only 22. I'll see you in the office tomorrow," Fury finished before adding at the end, "Get some sleep."

"Yes sir." Phil ended the call and moved back to the baby, eying her with a smile. He'd always wanted a child, it was just that his wife hadn't; it was one of the many things that she'd divorced him over. He continued to stare at the tiny baby and as instantaneously as anything he'd ever decided, he decided that he wanted it. He wanted this baby, this little girl. As careful as he could, Phil slipped his hands into the plastic gloves and ran his hand over her face, she seemed to awaken at the touch and simply looked at him with her endotracheal tube taped to her mouth, seemingly unfrightened by the giant unknown man leaning over her, this was probably a mistake…a terrible mistake, but this may be his only hope for a child and he wasn't going to pass it up.

* * *

"Hwi Uncle Ferry," four year old Darcy smiled to the man in the black leather jacket that stood outside her front door. It wasn't so much a front door as it was a tiny apartment in the SHIELD headquarters in Washington that Phil and Darcy were staying in but she liked to answer it whenever a knock was heard.

"You shouldn't open the door for strangers," Fury told her, bending down to her height, "You didn't know it was me before you opened the door."

"Yes I did Uncle Ferry, look," she replied, pulling him by the arm into the apartment and to the back of the 'front' door, "See, I made it out of Daddy's old compooter." Fury stared at the device in disbelief; a four year old built a CCTV. "See, I can see the haways and I can see the corrydoors and I can see the front door. I know if it's you Uncle Ferry."

"I can see that?" Fury replied in disbelief, "How did you learn to do all this?"

"I don' know…I just did it," she shrugged as though that were all the explanation needed, "So…?"

"What do you mean 'So'…so what?"

"So why did you come knocking on my door?"

"I was looking for your father," Fury responded, "Do you know where he is?"

"Nopes," Darcy responded, "Haven't seens him in a while but he said he'd be back here at five to make dinner…do ya think he'll make it back?"

"For you, he'll be here."

Darcy responded with a wide smile and Fury let himself out of the apartment, still shaking his head in disbelief that a four year old made that security system from an old computer, she'd be a great SHIELD agent one day.

* * *

"Darcy sweety what are you doing?" Phil called as he heard a crashing sound coming from the living room.

"Nussing Daddy," the girl responded a cutely as possible, only making him more suspicious.

"Darcy," Phil began, his voice rising in pitch as he stormed over to the little girl rolling away from the coffee table as though it were on fire, "Darcy what are you…"

Suddenly the coffee table exploded and Phil had to fling his hands over his eyes to keep the wood shards from damaging his corneas.

"Are you okay Daddy?" the little girl shouted worriedly, running to her father and working to brush off the saw dust.

"I'm fine…are you okay? What happened?"

"I built a bomb," she shrugged, "But it wasn't nearly as strong as I'd calculated. I don't think I used enough gun powder."

The little girl moved toward her work bench of a dining room table and Phil noticed that his sidearm had been completely disassembled and the bullets pulled apart to reveal the gunpowder inside.

"You know you're not allowed to touch my gun," Phil shouted suddenly at her.

"But…I wanted to build a bomb," Darcy huffed sadly.

"I don't care," Phil responded, moving and grabbing the gun off the counter, "You don't take apart my gun."

"I'm sowy," Darcy huffed, rubbing her eyes with the backs of her hands, "I won't do wit again I pwomise."

"What is wrong with you," Phil shouted angrily, Darcy fully crying now.

"What's going on in here?" Fury shouted alarmed, Maria just seconds behind him but from the opposite direction, "I heard an explosion."

"Darcy built a bomb and used my bullets to make it," Phil growled, shouting in Darcy's direction.

"I said I was sowy," Darcy replied desperately, "I said I was sowy."

"Well sorry isn't good enough this time. You could've killed someone."

"But I didn't."

"But you could've."

"But I didn't."

"Darcy are you hungry?" Maria asked interrupting the shouting match.

"Yeah," Darcy sniffled.

"Come on, let's go the cafeteria and get you some food, maybe they have pizza."

"Ohhh, peza, I wuv peza."

"You are way too hard on her," Fury responded, once the two ladies were out of the room.

"I don't want anything to happen to her."

"She lives in a secret underground government base; anything could happen to her, it comes with the territory. But I've gotta tell you, the more restraint you try to force on her, the worse she's going to get, you need to keep her genetics in mind."

"I choose to believe in nurture over nature."

Fury just shook his head at his friend and sighed, "Then you may be in for a rude awakening."

* * *

Darcy snickered to herself, her weight spread evenly throughout the air duct to prevent any groaning noise. It was blowing warm air past her and into the room below and she was beginning to sweat against it but that didn't stop her from her mission. She was going to catch him, surprise him, just like she said she would all those hours ago when he'd said with a laugh, his eyebrows rising, "You can try."

She shimmied her body along, careful of the creaks and groans both at the connecting areas as well as the areas of little support before she reached the air vent above his head. She could see it in all its bald glory shinning against the light and she smiled excitedly. It was set up too perfectly, way too perfectly. Chocking it up to coincidence, Darcy shimmied the rest of the way and after taking a deep breath, burst through the vent and toward the tall black man covered in leather.

She hadn't estimated the sound of the vent opening and upon hearing it her target took a sideways step to the left and she was no longer above him but to his right. Before she even had a chance to panic, the man grabbed her by the ankle and now hanging upside down, raised the girl's upside down head up to his own.

"Darcy," Fury stated flatly, his patched eye rising as he eyed her, "What is it that you're doing?"

"Surprising you," she shrugged, releasing a giggle as her arms dangled loosely amongst her hair.

"Well you didn't surprise me…I heard you coming from down the corridor," Fury replied, setting down his computer remote and used both hands to get her upright and standing in her tiny socked feet onto the shield table.

"You're just sayin' that cus' you don't wanna admit that I got you," Darcy countered, poking him in the chest with her tiny index finger.

"Where's your father?" Fury lamented.

"Don't be like 'dat Ferry, you know you love me," Darcy grinned.

"Mmm," he grumbled, lifting her under her armpits until her feet touched cement, "I'm busy."

"Busy with what?" the girl asked curiously.

"I'm watching something."

"What?"

"That's classified," he replied with a smirk as the girl furrowed her brow in annoyance and crossed her arms angrily.

"That's not fair."

"Life's not fair," Fury responded, "Now out, I have a meeting in a minute."

"Can I stay?" she asked curiously, eyes shining widely.

"No," Fury replied quickly, not wanting to let her think that he was caving…he wasn't.

"Darc, what are you doing in here?" she heard her father ask from the open doorway.

"I scared Ferry," she smiled triumphantly.

"No you didn't," Nick responded with an eye roll.

"Whatever," Darcy huffed, "Believe what you want."

"I will," Fury responded, pushing her from the room and locking the door seconds before the Security Council appeared on the screen before them.

* * *

"School…school…the first day of SCHOOOOOOLLLL!" Darcy shouted excitedly, dancing around her father as he sat in the dining room chair beside the door putting his shoes on.

"Darcy, please settle down, you're acting like you have a problem," Phil stated tiredly. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, between Darcy's nightmares about the teacher being an alien and the emergency protocol E that occurred at 0215.

"I do have a problem," she replied, hopping like a bunny while she held the straps of her backpack to her body to keep it from jostling her pencil case, "A problem of the excitements."

"That's not a real thing," Phil replied, getting his shoelace tied before ushering her down the corridors and into a car to take her to the small elementary in town. He'd been half tempted to home-school her simply to keep her safe but he needed her around kids her own age so that way she couldn't say fuck with the reasoning, 'Everyone I know says it, I don't see why it's such a bit deal.' Besides, what's the worst that could happen?

He picked her up and placed her into the passenger seat of his nondescript SUV before placing his sunglasses on his face and heading toward the small school.

"Hey daddy?"

"Yes sweetheart," Phil asked curiously.

"I just wanna get this straight," she began picking at the material of her Power Ranger backpack as she began to go over what he'd been drilling into her for the last week, "So no one can know where I live. No one can come over for a sleepover… but I can go over there, I cannot fight nor punch anyone no matter what they say or do, I am not to leave the premises with anyone other than you, Uncle Ferry, or Aunty Maria, I may not use adult language in the school…"

"Anywhere," Phil corrected.

"What?"

"You may not use adult language anywhere."

"Well why not, everyone else at SHIELD does and they think it's funny when I say asswipe."

"I don't care if they say it or they think it's funny," Coulson grumbled, massaging his forehead with his hand, "That is adult language and you are not allowed to use it until you're an adult."

"So when I'm an adult I can say it?"

"Yes."

"Daddy?"

"What?"

"I'm hungry, I didn't eat a bowl of applejacks like you told me to."

Coulson sighed annoyed but none the less quickly pulled into the nearest gas station and bought her an individual package of poptarts, "Here, that's the healthiest and least messy thing that I could find in there. Eat it before we get to the school."

"Sank you daddy," the little girl smiled, pulling apart the wrapper and biting into the frosted treat. Wow, pop-tarts are delicious.

(5 hours later)

"Hello, Mr. Coulson," a woman's voice shouted into the conference room phone that was required to be put on speaker during the debriefing that was being attended by Maria, Nick, Phil, the White House Chief of Staff, the Secretary of State, and the President himself, "You need to come get your daughter immediately."

"I'm sorry?" Phil asked in disbelief as screaming came through the speaker and the Secretary of State winced.

"Your daughter is a terrible influence on the rest of the student body. When I told them to take a nap she declared my leadership a tyranny, then proceeded to group the children together, and somehow make weapons out of plastic toy kitchen foods. She is currently using my desktop computer to hack into the CIA's terrorist list because she believes that she will find my picture on it as well as one of my 'many aliases'. I cannot handle this type of chaos with 16 kindergarteners. You need to get her immediately."

"Who let her have a phone," a voice that Phil instantly recognized as Darcy's shouted, "She's contacting her handler; take it from her immediately and tie her to that dinosaur chair."

There was suddenly the sound of rustling and he heard Darcy quite clearly, "I have apprehended your agent Ms. Lightly, any attempt to rescue her would be ill-fated on your part. I do not bargain with criminals."

Then suddenly the line went dead.

"Wow," President Clinton breathed in disbelief, "Some girl you got there."

"She makes SHIELD quite proud," Fury smiled, finding the entire situation hilarious.

"I'm sorry, but I need to leave," Phil replied embarrassed, "A child is going to be severely punished very soon."

"You better be careful she doesn't punish you," the President laughed.

"Oh, I feel like I'm already being punished sir," Phil replied grabbing his jacket and keys from his spot and heading out the door, the room erupting into laughter as the door closed.

* * *

**AN: So I have no idea who this will be received, but this Chapter is essentially from Birth to age 4, then the next one will be Darcy as a teenager or high school age, then we'll get into the actual story starting with Darcy getting her college internship for those 6 credits and it will go through the Avengers and beyond :) If anyone likes it that is.**

**Oh and while I was finishing this I kept hearing a really weird noise that was pissing me off, turns out Loki thinks its a good idea to take all his toys that make noise and put them in his water dish and then bat at them and get water all over the floor; stupid cat. No Loki, get off my bed with your wet hands...your so annoying. :|**

**Oh and who do you want her with by the end...relationship wise. I'm already planning a her and Nat having a super awesome friendship and obviously she's Tony's daughter and I'm not into incest but anything else you can let me know about.**


	2. Clint meet Darcy

**Okay so I finished Chapter 2 but it so crazy long that I split up to be two chapters because it was almost 30 pages in Word and I like "Wholy Shit" so I cut it in half. I'll post the other half...better known as chapter 3 tomorrow.**

**Plus I'm so crazy happy that everyone likes it but now I'm a bit self conscious that the this chapter isn't going to live up to the expectation. I always like to think that I'm not self conscious but I guess I'm fanfic-conscious. :(**

**According to the votes it's**

**Steve with 6**

**Loki with 4**

**Clint with 2**

**So keep voting and let me know...there's still another 2 or 3 chapters before it'll even matter a tiny bit so you've got time.**

* * *

**Survival Tip #379** – Do not mistake Director Fury's natural curtness as him having something personal against you. Unless you did something wrong.

* * *

Darcy was not allowed back to Shady Hills Elementary after that, she was in fact, encouraged to go as far away as humanly possible if the restraining order was any indication; the words, 'Your daughter is a monster,' being thrown around a lot. It wasn't that Darcy minded though, even after being told repeatedly that the woman was not a terrorist, Darcy did manage to find that Ms. Lightly did work the pole for her college years. She wasn't sure what working the pole meant but whatever it was seemed to be bad enough to cause the woman to cry and try to hide herself in shame. Darcy didn't know what the big deal was.

After that Phil decided that it was probably best to keep Darcy from the world for a while, homeschooling her on the computer and attempting a tutor when needed. None of them seemed to even last long enough to get through a three hour study session though. Phil could barely believe it as the fourth threw up his hands defeat and told him, "I can't do this sir. I'm sorry but I just…this is worse than any active war zone you could send me to."

Darcy however found it hilarious as her most recent victim walked from the apartment with what could only be described as explosion hair.

"Darcy you have to give them a break. These are hardened SHIELD agents, they've seen it all, and even with all their training they can't seem to handle you."

"It's not my fault SHIELD has some wusses on its payroll," the girl shrugged, continuing to play some odd looking Captain Crunch game on her PC.

* * *

A man in a tee shirt with the words "Carson Carnival of Travelling Wonders" fadedly printed on it stood silently as he watched a little girl about 10 or 11 dart out of one of the private labs just down the hall. She sealed it with a passcode and bolted down the hallway, effectively running right into him.

"Heh, sorry," Darcy muttered, glancing behind herself nervously before grabbing his hand and pulling him down the hallway behind her and she moved farther from the lab, "You might not wanna be near that door when the shit goes down."

"Why are you pulling me down the hallway?" the man asked curiously as he allowed himself to be dragged. Even using all her weight he could easily stop her if he wanted too. Just as he was about to do just that, he heard an explosion in the general direction of where they'd been and watched the now concaved door hit the other side of the corridor.

"That's why," she smiled, releasing his hand, "Darcy Lewis."

"Oh um Clint Barton," he responded, shaking her hand.

"Your new right," she asked curiously, scratching her head, "I haven't seen you around before and you're not in uniform."

"Yeah I'm new."

"Darcy," she heard Fury yell loudly as he moved toward her and she instantly puffed out her chest in courage. Clint had only met the man once and he was scared shitless of him, how was this young girl so confident in his presence.

"Yes?" she questioned innocently.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That explosion in your lab thirty seconds ago," Fury clarified, his eyes narrow.

"I'm pretty sure that wasn't me," Darcy responded with a shrug.

"Are you now?"

"It was Clint," she clarified, turning to the man beside her, "I told you Clint, don't set off explosives in my lab."

"Darcy," Fury glared.

"What?"

"What were you building?" he questioned deflating.

"I was actually working with some radiation but it's not quite stable yet," she shrugged.

"Did you get your homework for English done?"

"English, pssh, I already know how to speak English," Darcy responded.

"Darcy," Fury growled, "With your father gone; I have to keep you in check. You can't die on my watch. You also can't slack on your homework."

"You are so not the cool Uncle, Uncle Nick."

Fury moved between Darcy and Clint and pushed her down the hall back to her lab, "You are to go back to your lab and fix the mess you made in there, then you need to finish your English homework and start your Trigonometry project; you are officially grounded."

"Damn Uncle Nick, you sure are a buzz kill," she grumbled, before turning back to Clint, "Well I guess I'll see ya later Carnie."

His eyes went wide at the comment, "How did you…"

"Your shirt," she smirked, "The front is for a carnival and the back says staff. For a secretive SHIELD agent you aren't very secretive."

Once Darcy had disappeared around the corner Fury turned the newest recruit, "I suggest for your own health and career that you keep your distance in regards to one Darcy Lewis. It is also suggested that you put your uniform on."

Clint stared at the leather clad man's back in disbelief; that tiny explosive happy girl was Fury's niece? Someone help him.

* * *

Phil paused his conversation with Fury as he heard the pitter patter of feet running down the halls of SHIELD. "I only know one person with feet that sound like that," Phil stated, glancing around the area curiously.

"I thought she was studying?" Fury added curiously.

"So did I," Phil sighed. Maybe assigning Barton as her babysitter was a mistake. They'd thought the sharpshooter could handle it; especially since he was one of the only agents that she hadn't tried to set on fire yet. She should have been studying her grammar but if she was running down the halls in her socks…

Suddenly a blur ran past them that they instantly recognized as Darcy. As quick as he could Phil grabbed her by the hood of her sweater and pulled her back to face him, "What are you doing?"

"Hide and Seek," the girl smiled excitedly, "With bows and arrows." The little girl held up her tiny Nerf bow and arrow. "I have to find Robin Hood before he finds me."

"Robin Hood?" Fury questioned confused.

"Yeah," Darcy responded, "I watched the School House Rock video on Grammar, then Clint made me read the book Robin Hood and identify all the types of Grammar in it, and then I had to do the assigned work on the computer for the school. Clint told me that if I got all that done that we could play Hide and Seek with Bows and Arrows. He's hiding first." Phil, in a state of shock released his daughter and watched as she waved goodbye and continued to pitter patter down the hallway looking for their sharpshooter.

"Did she just say that she got her English done?" Phil asked, "How did he do it…how did Clint do it?"

"Don't ask, just let it happen," Fury smirked, patting his friend on the back before leaving the bewildered Agent alone in the hallway to contemplate.

* * *

"How in the world…" Phil gaped in disbelief, his voice loosing words as he stared at the SHIELD swimming pool.

"What do you mean _how_ it was actually really easy," Darcy sighed, "The hard part is figuring out how to get it cleaned up."

"But why the mechanical sharks?" Clint asked her curiously, "Or the fire water for that matter."

"Well it's not really 'fire water' per say; it's really just gas I poured on the pool that I lit with a match and they aren't sharks they're piranhas."

"But why?" Clint repeated.

"An experiment," Darcy shrugged, "I wanted to see if the mechanical piranhas could swim in both the fire and the water."

"Why?" her father asked this time.

"Because when I grow up I wanna have a fire moat with mechanical piranha that eat people who try to invade my house."

"You sound like an off balance super villain," Clint laughed.

"These are the crazy dreams of a child," Phil sighed, "Which isn't unusual, but most 11 year olds can't actually build mechanical piranha."

"They weren't that hard. I just took apart the printers in the accounts payable department."

"We're not going to be getting our pay checks this week, are we?" Clint questioned to his superior with a sigh of defeat.

"With the cost of cleaning this up, we're not ever getting paid again," Phil told the man with a pat on the shoulder.

* * *

Darcy had decided early on that Clint was her favorite person; she hadn't really needed to think about it that hard, it was quite obvious. But Darcy didn't like this beautiful woman that suddenly appeared beside him when she'd hugged him excitedly.

She was mad enough that Clint had missed her 12th birthday because of his mission in Russia. No one would tell her about it but it had only taken her ten minutes to hack the SHIELD files and find out. He was supposed to find and kill a Russian woman, not too hard. Clint was the best.

So the look of anger on Darcy's face was quite obvious when she'd launched herself at her self-appointed Robin Hood to find a beautiful woman's face looking at her over his shoulder.

"I didn't know you had a daughter Clinton," the woman responded with a thick Russian accent.

Darcy's body froze in disbelief; even the woman's voice was pretty. But it only took a couple of seconds for Darcy to regain her composure and ream into the woman in tight spandex.

"I am not 'Clinton's' daughter," Darcy huffed forming air quotes around the way she'd said Clinton, "Do they not have math where you're from? I'm twelve and Robin here is 24. That would mean that Arrows had me when he was 12…which is my age. Ridiculous."

"Darcy," Clint chastised annoyed. His eyes wide and mouth narrowed "Quit."

The woman stared at her intently with narrowed eyes and pursed lips and Darcy was instantly frightened, she had never really thought about what she said before, she'd never worried about having a filter, she was just so angry that this woman was coming to take Robin from her. The woman's glare made her flinch nervously and Clint moved in front of Darcy to keep the woman away just in case. He'd known that she'd killed children in the past.

"I like you," the woman suddenly stated, laughing loudly and coming toward the girl with her hand outstretched, "My name is Natalia Romonova but I am to be called Natasha here in this country. Do you shake?"

"Yeah," Darcy smiled, moving toward the woman from around Clint to shake her hand in return, "You're really pretty."

"Well thank you little one, you are as well."

"Your English is really good for being from Russia. Can you teach me Russian?"

"Of course, can you help to teach me better English?"

"Sure," Darcy sputtered out excitedly.

"Um, Darc," Clint began, though no one was listening, "Darcy. Natasha?"

"You can come to my room I've got all the coolest toys; I built a lot of them myself."

"That is quite extraordinary," Natasha replied, following the girl toward her room.

"I can show you some neat hacking tricks if you want."

"That is wonderful; I can show you how to snap a man's neck with your thigh muscles."

"COOOL," Darcy shouted, bouncing down the hall.

"Seriously," Clint wondered aloud in disbelief, "Did I just lose my tiny Darcy entourage to the Russian Spy?"

* * *

"And so, it was because of Captain America's incredible heroism and bravery that Hydra and the Nazis were not able to take over the planet," Darcy smiled, standing before her class to read her report for History. After the Kindergarten debacle, Phil was hesitant to put her back into the Public School system but after some prodding for her to get back into the real world by Fury, she was in a local…semi local, they couldn't have anyone from the kindergarten there, middle school.

"This is not acceptable Mr. Lewis," Mr. Wilson stated angrily, not bothering to notice that he did not share his daughter's last name, "She made a complete mockery of the entire class. I had students talking about aliens and secret organizations and whatnot. I don't know how it was at her last school…"

"She was homeschooled," Phil grumbled.

"Well that explains it. Maybe if you paid a bit more attention to your child these kinds of imaginary stories wouldn't happen." Mr. Wilson turned from the seat Phil was currently occupying to the one Darcy was in, "Ms. Lewis, you need to start living in the real world, there are no such things as aliens and there are no such things as super heroes."

"There are too," Darcy shouted angrily, "I've seen them."

"You need to get her out of her delusions Mr. Lewis," Mr. Wilson lectured annoyed, "Maybe take her to a professional."

"I don't need a shrink," Darcy growled out angrily.

"That isn't your decision," Mr. Wilson glared, turning back to her father, "I really don't want her in my class again until she can take it a bit more seriously."

"Darc," Phil stated turning to his daughter, "Looks like we'll try again for High School." He had her gather her things from her desk and quickly led her to the black SUV; getting her loaded in and away from the school before they called the police.

"Darcy, you need to be more careful about what you say in school," Phil lectured.

"But you told me to do it," Darcy whined annoyed.

"What do you mean I told you to do it?"

"_So what do you do with them," Darcy asked curiously, turning the card over in her hand before setting it down to eye the next one._

"_Well most people trade them…or collect them," Phil replied with a smile, happy to see that she was taking an interest in his collection._

"_Like Pokémon?" Darcy replied, eying the card closer._

_Phil ripped the cards from her hand as though she might burn them and snarled, "Not at all like Pokémon."_

"_Sorry," Darcy sighed, "Don't get your fanboy pants in a wad."_

"_Darcy, he's a hero," Coulson replied._

"_He was some recruitment dude for the war," Darcy shrugged, "He's technically no different from Uncle Sam."_

"_You need to learn your History," Phil replied._

"_That is what I learned in History," Darcy countered._

"_Well then you may or may not want to hack SHIELD's server and get some information on the man," Phil stated as cryptically as possible._

"_Are you encouraging me to snoop?" Darcy asked curiously._

"_Never," her father winked, gathering his cards back together and putting them back in their protective case._

"_You're such a good dad," Darcy grinned, heading to her room to jump onto her computer._

* * *

Darcy sighed bored, that was one of the things she hated about homeschooling, no other kids to annoy or blow up. Okay so she didn't blow the other kids up, just kind of made them wish they were. She let the radio sit beside her and blast her music as she hummed along; tinkering with a motherboard she was working with to build an AI bomb diffuser for some of her more dangerous endeavors.

The song changed and she continued to solder when she heard an odd crackling come from the radio. Now crackling on an FM radio underground isn't that unheard of but after Darcy's improvements it sure was odd. Putting down her toy, Darcy turned to the radio and after fiddling with it knew exactly what it was.

When Darcy had improved her radio she had done so by piggybacking off one of SHIELD's satellites, the satellite in question was for radio emergency transmissions and was quite guarded. The crackling indicated that there was an emergency call coming in from a SHIELD agent somewhere in the world.

"Alpha Sigma Theta, Alpha Sigma Delta, this is Agent 276 Codename Hawkeye with Agent 778 Codename Black Widow. Our covers have been compromised and we are requesting immediate extraction to ensure the mission. I repeat, Agent 276 and 778 requesting immediate extraction. 0286 out."

Darcy froze, her motherboard hitting the ground and snapping in two against the cement floor of her lab, "Clint and Tasha?" She quickly bolted from her lab and ran to Fury's office not bothering to knock as she pushed open the door to find it empty. She quickly whipped around to his secretary and slammed her hands on the woman's desk, "Where's Nick?"

"It's Director Fury," the woman responded, not amused by the girl.

"Where is Nick?" she repeated angrily.

"He's in a meeting," she responded, playing a game on her computer, and not bothering to look at the girl in front of her.

"Where?"

"Classified," the woman responded. Now Darcy was pissed, quickly fishing into her pocket she pressed the button on her custom EMP and watched with amusement as the woman's screen darkened and her computer shut down.

"Hey, you little bitch," the woman growled, finally looking at her.

"Where is Nick!"

"He's not here," the woman growled, "He and Coulson are in the White House and they don't have their phones. You'll just have to wait to blow something up."

"Grrr," Darcy growled annoyed, turning from the woman and storming out and back to her lab. Once inside she quickly bypassed the security firewall and found the mission, 0286. "Budapest?" Darcy wondered aloud, what the hell were they doing in Budapest? She delved in farther but could find nothing that showed they were going to be extracted, were they just going to leave them there?

As fast as she could, Darcy created fake passports and identities for the three of them; mother, father, and daughter, then proceeded to get a plane ticket for Budapest. If SHIELD wasn't going to do anything…then she was.

Once Darcy was off the plane at the Budapest Ferenc Liszt Airport, she hacked into their GPS locators and smiled when she found them to only be five miles away, quickly hopping into a taxi out front and directing the man to the location.

"Why you want go there?" the man asked in choppy English as he continued to drive down the busy city streets of Hungary.

"Visit my family," the girl smiled, "My mom and dad are there and I'm meeting them."

"Are you?" the man questioned with a laugh that made Darcy feel incredibly uncomfortable.

"Yup," she said with a fake smile on her face, glancing down at her custom GPS tracker, hoping to God that they were okay.

"Your mother is Black Widow?" the man suddenly asked curiously, eying her in the rearview mirror; his words causing her to look up.

"What?"

"Your mother Black Widow?" he asked again, "She only non-Hungarian woman in building you want."

"You can let me out here," Darcy replied, the smile no longer on her face as she threw hundreds of forint Banknotes through to the front seat hurriedly.

"I think not," he smiled, half his teeth missing as he turned in his seat and sprayed a strange mist in her face, her head instantly hitting the window as she passed out.

Darcy awoke to the smell of blood and rusty metal and as she regained her senses she quickly realized that she was tied to a chair.

She tugged a couple of times but it didn't take much for her to realize that she wasn't getting out. She let her eyes focus and realized that both Clint and Tasha were tied up beside her passed out as well. Tasha had a bloody lip, a black eye, at least three broken ribs, and her hand was mangled. Clint looked about the same but instead of his hand, it seemed that his had been severely beaten in the chest and stomach, if the blood seeping through his purple shirt was any indication.

Darcy sucked in her breath in despair, they were like her family, how could these people do this. She knew they were bad people. That was the reason Clint and Tash were called in the first place, but this was really bad. They might not make it out of here alive.

Her dad was going to kill her.

"Roger, Madeline, and Cara Wright. Just a cute little family," a man she didn't recognize stated with a smirk as he looked between the fake passports.

"Too bad Mommy and Daddy won't be alive to watch you grow up," he laughed, moving in so close to her face that she could smell his breath.

She couldn't tell if he really thought they were related or if he knew the passports were fake and he was treating the entire thing as a huge joke, but the knowledge wouldn't really help her at the moment anyway.

"Let us go," Darcy yelled, faking the innocence a 13 year old girl _could_ have, "I just want to go home with my family."

"That won't happen," the man smirked, "After what your mother and father did to my plans I cannot let them leave the facility alive." Darcy's breath hitched. "But don't worry my little Aniko. I will let you live. You can be my mistress."

She heard Clint moan, and she had to be careful. She was beginning to think that they really didn't know that they weren't related, this could be quite helpful for her.

"Dad," she shouted toward Clint, "Dad."

"Yes, Daddy Daddy," the man mocked, slapping her across the face, the sound reverberating off the metal warehouse walls, "Wake up Roger Wright…I have your daughter."

Clint moaned more but his eyes slowly began to open and become a bit more alert. He turned his head to eye his surroundings and his breath hitched when he spotted Darcy.

"Da…" he began before she quickly cut him off.

"Yes Daddy, it's me Cara," Darcy quickly shouted, "I think Mommy's okay but she hasn't woken up yet."

"Okay," Clint said slowly, his head still groggy as he tried to let the information sink in, "Are you okay sweetie."

"Yes, Daddy. I'm okay," Darcy replied, squirming a bit in her bindings.

"Aww," the man smiled, "What a cute little family reunion; father and daughter together again."

"Why are you doing this?" Darcy screamed angrily, "Let us go."

"Shut up," he growled, slapping her hard across the face.

Clint growled at the man before shouting, "Da…Cara are you okay?"

"Yeah…I'm fine. This guy hits like a bitch."

"What?" the man snarled, grabbing her chin and pulling it towards him, "It is you who will soon be the little bitch."

He grabbed her shoulder roughly before moving to untie her bindings, "I will teach you to behave like a good concubine."

His hands were stronger than hers and she knew she couldn't escape but she also knew what she kept in her back pocket…for emergencies. He quickly shoved her in front of him and pulled her hands around her back holding them down to her butt so that he could both restrain her and grope her at the same time.

As subtly as she could, Darcy reached a finger in her back pocket and pulled out the click pencil; holding it carefully in her hand so that he would notice.

"What is this?" he yelled angrily, feeling the pencil in her hand and ripping it from her grasp, "You think to stab me with this pen, you wench." He threw her to the ground angrily, "It is you who shall be stabbed, but it will not be with a pen." Her breath hitched as he held the pencil in his hand, eying it curiously. "It is nice pen…I will keep it."

He smiled and tested it by pushing down on the top only for the world to seemingly stop as his hand and most of his arm was blown apart by the explosion. He screamed, falling to the ground in agony and pain. Darcy jumped up as fast as she could, spitting on him as she ran past his withering body and quickly untying Clint and Tasha.

Tasha, it seemed, was jolted awake by the explosion and eyed the situation in confusion, "What's going on?"

"Oh, ya know," Darcy smiled, "Family vacation."

Clint laughed but stopped short as the warehouse seemed to fill with men, men with guns, "Dar get behind me."

"Okay," she sputtered quickly, getting between Clint and Tasha as they stood back to back.

"We need my backpack," Darcy told them quickly, spotting it about ten feet away.

"We need guns," Tasha countered.

"Like it said, we need my backpack." Tasha and Clint both looked at her curiously understanding instantly what she was referring to.

"We need her backpack."

Darcy quickly searched her pockets for anything they could use and found three refill packs full of pencil lead. "Here," she stated quickly, handing Tasha and Clint one each and keeping the other as back-up.

"What are we going to do with this?" Tasha asked curiously.

"Blow them up," Clint replied, pointing to the man who had now passed out in a pool of his own blood. Tasha smiled and opened the container letting the tiny sticks fill her hand carefully. Clint grinned and tossed three out from him letting them hit the ground and explode, the debris and force knocking the men off their feet.

Using the distraction to her advantage, Darcy bolted toward the backpack and quickly began pulling the weapons from it muttering to herself, "Oh Kim Possible backpack. This is a sitch indeed."

Once she had gotten them guns, it hadn't taken them long to take out the 86 men in the warehouse. She counted them as they went down. Once the men were killed, Darcy laced the building with explosives and planned it just well enough so that they would be walking away from the building as it blew apart; just like a movie. She'd given Tasha and Clint their passports, to which they had both laughed, and they were soon headed home to SHIELD.

The second they were off the plane she was engulfed in a hug from her father, he was squeezing her so tight she thought her lungs were going to explode. "You are not allowed to go on a mission ever again," he lectured, still holding her in a bear hug.

"I can't breathe," Darcy huffed.

"Good," Phil replied, continuing to grip her tightly.

"I got you a present," Fury smirked from behind the bear that was killing her, "Here." She eyed the device thoughtfully as it was forced into her hand.

"What is it?" she asked curiously, her father finally setting her back on the ground and taking a step back to eye the object as well. Apparently the present wasn't cleared by her dad.

"It's a taser," Fury grinned. Darcy continued to eye it curiously, muttering an,

"Ohhhh."

"Don't give her a taser," Phil lectured his boss in disbelief, "She'll hurt somebody."

"Good," Fury replied, "I can't have my future replacement being killed before she's Director."

"What?" Darcy, Clint, Natasha, and Phil all seemed to ask simultaneously.

"Well, it isn't set in stone or anything?" Fury replied with a laugh, the whole thing obviously a joke.

"You're so awesome Uncle Nick," Darcy grinned, gripping him into a bear hug of her own.

"No hugging," Fury replied.

"I'll be the best director ever," Darcy grinned, walking toward the car ahead of them, hand over her eye as she barked out fake commands and pointed her new Taser at everyone.

"I think I just made a mistake," Fury grumbled to himself only to be overheard by Clint.

"Oh I know you did sir," Clint laughed.

* * *

**Okay so chapter 3 will be out tomorrow and that is actually High School and Prom te he he he and then Chapter 4 is with the internship**

**And please let me know if this made expectations or was really below par because every time I read it I like it less and less...which is true for everything I write. Reassurance is always appreciated.**

**And don't forget to vote for who you want her to end up with. All options are open :)**

**Thanks**


	3. I Heard the Speaker's Really Famous

**Holy Crap guys...hugs for all of you. You guys are so awesome!  
**

**Steve - 16**

**Loki - 12**

**Clint - 6**

**and even one for Bruce**

**And someone asked me how many times they can vote...I'll be honest, I'm not going to check to see how many times you individually voted. I'll count them all even if you PM'd me and sent a Reviewed vote or if you know my email or facebook and send me one of each or even if you reviewed multiple times...they all count but I will notice if you do 10 straight with the same screen name. I'm not that lazy...my spreadsheet catches it, so I guess I am that lazy :)**

**So I think I've caught all my grammer errors but I've been adding more all day as inspiration hits...I'm sick and stayed home from work and college today so I thought, "I'm stuck in bed already...why not!" So there may be some that have alluded me.**

* * *

**Survival Tip #490** – If Agent Barton is eating gummy worms, do not ask him to feed you 'like a mama bird.'

**Survival Tip #223** – Please familiarize yourself with the additional controls in all SHIELD-issue vehicles. Setting off a rocket launcher when you are trying to turn on the windshield wipers is not a pleasant circumstance.

* * *

"Did I mention that I'm not comfortable with this?" Darcy asked aloud in disbelief of her situation.

"Yes," Phil replied with an embarrassed smirk, "You mentioned that."

"Well then could you go away," Darcy huffed, her arms crossing her increasingly growing breasts…the reason behind their shopping trip, "I can't shop for bras with you standing next to me…it's way too weird."

"Well I don't know what to tell you," Coulson shrugged, "Just grab something and let's go."

"Why couldn't Maria have taken me…or Tasha," Darcy huffed annoyed.

"I told you, Agent Hill's gone to Germany for a UN meeting, and I have to be in Moscow tomorrow to meet up with Agent Romonov. You kept bugging me about how you need bras so here we are...getting you bras."

"I would have rather waited and gone with someone who wasn't my Dad."

"Well I think Fury'll be around tomorrow if you want to wait," Phil retorted with a sly grin.

"Never mind," Darcy sputtered out, "Let's just get this over with."

* * *

"So then check the mirrors, put the car into gear, and carefully place your foot on the gas," Coulson told her carefully.

"Sweet," she smiled, slamming her foot onto the gas and fishtailing the car before allowing it to jolt to life, picking up speed down the private air strip.

"Darcy slow down," Phil shouted, gripping the seat tightly in nervousness.

"Oh come one you've driven faster."

"But not with this little disregard for human safety."

"Oh come on Dad admit that this is awesome…you know it is."

"Darcy, slow down," Phil repeated.

"Hey, let's listen to the radio," she smirked; her hands fiddling with the knobs and switches in the middle console.

"Darcy no," Phil shouted seconds too late as a missile launched itself from the roof and blew up a currently unused plane a few yards away.

"Aww, shit," Darcy muttered with a smirk.

"I think this driving practice is over."

"Can we try again tomorrow?" Darcy asked curiously.

"I don't think I'll be able to handle trying it again for a couple years," her father replied.

oOo

"So why do I have a report on my desk for a driver's training incident," Fury asked Phil curiously.

"Does it really seem all that surprising?" Coulson responded with confusion.

"No; not really," Fury sighed, letting the report fall onto his desk.

* * *

Darcy sat beside Anna and Malory, her two age appropriate friends, as the Math teacher continued to drone on about variables. She couldn't help but sigh in annoyance. She had somehow managed to make it six months in a public high school. Her father was really proud of her, though she wasn't sure why. She'd already received her diploma and was actually taking a couple of college classes online just to get them out of the way. She certainly didn't need the rudimentary classes like Microsoft Office, Modern History, Intermediate Algebra, Spanish 1, and Basketball/Volleyball.

But after a mishap when she had hacked the school website and put up pictures of the teachers in compromising positions, she was beginning to assimilate into "High School Society". The Cheerleaders still didn't like her, which according to every teen movie ever was some sort of rite of passage, so Darcy didn't let it bother her.

It was in one of her many detentions Darcy had met Anna and Malory, Anna the goody two shoes who just wanted to make the teachers proud, and Malory whose sole purpose in life it seemed, was to get onto the FBI watch list for suspicious activity. But Darcy liked them and they seemed to like her and since they apparently shared a majority of their classes together, Darcy couldn't help but make them friends.

"I heard there's supposed to be an assembly today," Mal whispered excitedly to her two cohorts, "Early day."

"What do you mean early day?" Anna asked in confusion, "It's an assembly not an in service day."

"Skip the assembly," Mal shrugged as though it were obvious.

"I wanna go to the assembly," Anna replied annoyed, "I heard the speaker's really famous."

"Bluhh," Darcy fake gagged, "Who cares if he's famous…he's probably an ass."

"How do you even know it's a guy," Anna added insulted, "Women can be famous too."

"And as CEO I can tell you guys that I am bringin' in the big bucks," Tony Stark laughed as he stood on the stage in front of the entire high school. Anna, Mal, and Darcy seemingly trapped in the middle of the auditorium, teacher on either side. Apparently they were prospective skippers; Anna had been insulted but understood where the teachers were coming from.

"So do you like have a big house?" a girl that could easily be identified as Becca the cheerleader, asked curiously.

"Of course, I have a huge house in Malibu which is where I mostly work from but I stay in Washington D.C. to talk to the guys on Capitol Hill which is actually where I'm going after this.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" the girl beside Becca asked, Trina. God those cheerleaders made her want to blow her brains out, but it seemed to only encourage Tony Stark, who smiled and responded,

"I'm always accepting applications."

Gathering her courage, Darcy shot her arm up and grinned.

"Yes you," he called out curiously, a smug look on his face as he realized it was another girl with a question.

Darcy smiled brightly and stood, her friends pulling at her to sit down and shut up, "Mr. Stark I have a question."

"By all means.." he led.

"I'm familiar with the arc reactor, your unused symbol of Stark Industries. With its potential of sustainable clean energy and its truly limitless capabilities it seems that you should be heading more in that direction than with your obsession with weapons. Not that the government doesn't appreciate it."

"Woah woah woah tree hugger you gotta understand," Tony began, "I know it's nice to think about going green and what not, but the tech's not really out there yet."

"But your father…"

"Yeah, my dad built the thing but that doesn't mean it actually does anything," Tony responded, "Its sole purpose is to really just look pretty at headquarters. We don't have the technology to actually do anything with it yet. It's not really cost effective."

"But an improved plasma arc reactor is provided with variably positionable electrodes, including a cylindrical anode electrode having an inner, frustoconical cavity providing a reaction chamber and a spherical cathode ball electrode mounted therein. Between these electrodes an arc discharge is induced and sustained to heat and ionize an inert gas to produce an arc plasma for refining raw material introduced into the reaction chamber. A magnetic induction coil is mounted around the outer diameter of the anode electrode to thereby establish a magnetic field to rotate the arc discharge and plasma within the reaction chamber.

"Wouldn't that work?"

"Um…well," Tony stammered in disbelief. He hadn't been expecting an actual intellectual conversation and was wasted out of his mind.

"Or wouldn't it also be plausible if you were to directly capture energy from cold fusion. Cold fusion between hydrogen and palladium does not produce radioactive wastes or waves. So it's practically harmless. The hydrogen source is virtually everywhere and the metal, such as palladium, once exhausted by the fusion can be recycled to be used again and again. I mean, I'm sure there are some obvious flaws that I'm not thinking of at the moment but it seems like that would be a valuable place to start."

Tony floundered, staring at the girl in the middle of the auditorium in disbelief.

"God nerd shut up," Becca shouted, causing the rest of the auditorium to break out into a fit of giggles.

Darcy shrugged and sat herself down shouting out, "Just a thought." She turned to glance at her two friends who laughed at her.

"Your such a dork," Mal snorted.

"How did you even know all that?" Anna asked in awe.

"I don't know…I just did."

"So do you really have 50 cars?" Eva asked Tony excitedly.

"Actually…"

* * *

Darcy was never one for dresses, other than when her father forced them on her for important parties, but as she wandered around the small shop in Washington D.C. trying on dresses and then twirling around in them, Darcy couldn't help but feel like a princess. She'd never really liked princesses with all the woe is me crap and all the whining and high pitched singing to animals but after 3 years of suffering through High School without getting kicked out, Darcy Lewis was going to be attending the prom.

She couldn't help but be excited. She'd always wanted to go to prom. It was really the only highlight of that 8 hour a day prison. Between the students who were dumber than a box of rocks and some of the teachers that weren't much better, it seemed the only light at the end of the tunnel was the Prom. She'd already planned on spiking the punch, if by spiking the punch it meant getting totally drunk in the limo and then carrying around a flask throughout the night to keep the buzz going.

She'd been asked by 14 boys but had ended up saying yes to Ryan Fletcher. It wasn't that he was particularly interesting but she was used to guys that were tough and he was tough; star of the football team and all that jazz. She knew why he'd asked; it was the same reason all the guys asked, her boobs. They were huge now, she could barely get into her uniform for training drills with Tasha anymore and it pissed her off. It seemed the only things the balloons were good for was ogling by prepubescent boys with skin conditions.

But she was not going to let that get her down as the skimmed through the racks of dresses that would fit her rack and smiled as she grabbed another to drape over her arm.

By the end of the four hour session she'd found one she liked. It was tight fitting enough to show her assets, as Tasha called them, but loose enough that she could carry her 'concealed' strapped to her leg; it was just her Taser, but she still liked to have it on her at all times.

"That's so beautiful Darce," Anna smiled, coming to nit-pick at the straps and neckline, "Green looks beautiful on you."

"Well thanks," Darcy grinned, eying Anna and Malory. They had still maintained a close friendship despite everything. They were happy to only have another year left after tonight and Darcy couldn't help but agree despite having already technically graduated. But Fury had determined that she wasn't socially ready for college yet so they left her in the nearby high school for all these years; apparently socially ready meant partying and experimentation.

"Did you pick out anything Malory?" Darcy asked curiously.

"Nah," Mal sighed, "I'm just going to wear blue jeans and a tee shirt."

"I thought there was a dress code?" Anna questioned curiously.

"I paid sixty dollars for the ticket," Mal replied, "I'm getting in no matter what."

Darcy laughed and the girls changed back to their normal clothes and paid for their dresses, she hoped to hell that this was going to be fun especially since she was going to be scrubbing the sweat off the walls of the gym to pay of this dress.

Darcy arrived at Malory's house at 5:30 sharp to get dressed and ready. They were going to be riding in a limo that her Dad and Fury had paid for. They said it was a reward for making it three years in public school. It would seat all three girls and their dates. She figured she was letting the boys off easy since in all the movie's she'd watched they were required to put up the money for the limo.

Darcy smiled as she stood in the living room of Mal's house for pictures with Mal, Anna, and their parents.

"How come your father's not here," Anna's parents asked curiously, "Doesn't he want pictures of his little girl on her big day?"

"It's not my wedding," Darcy shrugged, "Besides he's busy and he's not in the country."

"Oh, wow," Mal's parents asked curiously, "What does your father do?"

"Exporting," Darcy replied on reflex; she was getting really good a lying.

"Yeah," Anna replied, "He's really rich. He even rented us a limo."

"He was just being nice," Darcy shrugged.

"Yeah," Mal agreed, "Really nice."

After about 13 more pictures, they heard the doorbell ring and Malory hurried to answer the door shouting, "Our dates are here."

Darcy eyed Ryan with a shrug. He wore a tux as expected but he seemed uncomfortable as he picked at the collar and bow tie as though he couldn't breathe.

"Don't I look sexy babe," he smirked, grabbing her around the waist for a kiss which she narrowly avoided,

"Yeah I guess," Darcy shrugged, "I've seen a lot of guys in tuxs."

"But none that looked as good as me," he remarked conceitedly.

"Yeah…sure," she responded flippantly before turning to the others' dates.

Malory's was Tyson, who seemed to have the same thoughts on dressing up as Malory did. His 'tux' consisted of a tee shirt that had a picture of a tux on it and a pair of worn out blue jeans with a chain connecting his wallet to his pants…classy.

Anna's was her boyfriend of five years, Tommy. They'd been together longer than her and Anna had even been friends so she knew Tommy pretty well. He seemed happy to see her, calling her beautiful and giving her light kisses on the cheek. Darcy couldn't help but find it _kind of_ cute, despite Mal making vomit faces behind the two. Darcy rolled her eyes and clapped her hands,

"Let's get this show on the road. I gotta be home by ten."

"What ten?" Ryan asked in disbelief, "I rented us a room at a hotel."

"Wow…seriously," Darcy huffed, rolling her eyes, "Well sorry but I need to be home by ten."

"But I thought your dad wasn't even in the country?" Anna replied curiously, not realizing why Darcy had lied to begin with. Mal quickly elbowed her but it was too late, the damage had been done.

"See, your fine babe," Ryan smiled, wrapping an arm around her waist and slapping her ass, "We're gonna have some fun tonight." Darcy grumbled to herself, the only thing she was lifting her dress for was to grab 'sparky' and if this was any indication as to how the evening was going to go, she was going to be getting up there pretty early tonight.

She quickly ushered them into the limo and sighed as Ryan's hand immediately began fondling her leg…wonderful. The limo driver must have been informed of their destination because in no time they were at the school and moving toward the gym. She was surprised by the number of chaperones but didn't let it bother her too much, she was already pretty wasted; she had to be to deal with Ryan.

"So then I ran it in for the touchdown pass and…babe are you listening," Ryan asked curiously.

"Sure," Darcy replied with a shrug, "Hey I'm gonna go get some punch."

"I'll get it for you," he replied with a smirk.

"Alright," she smiled, "Get me a cookie too." Ryan grinned and took off toward the food table. Darcy smirking as she spotted Anna and Tommy, staring into each other's eyes in another world, "Dorky lovebirds." Then there was Mal and Tyson who seemed to be playing on their cell phones…probably on myspace.

Darcy sighed, maybe prom wasn't as great as she was expecting, but the way the female SHIELD agents talked, it was cool. Maybe it was back then, but now it wasn't any better than the parties at the white house.

She spotted a chaperone walking along the wall of the gym, his suit so neat it made her suspicious; the fact that he was wearing sunglasses inside a poorly lit gym even more so.

Her dad wouldn't send SHIELD agents in as Chaperones would he? Of course he would, she thought with a sigh.

She watched Ryan run back toward her with a grin, "Punch and a cookie, as you requested."

"Thanks," Darcy grinned, pulling her tiny vodka flask from the bosom of her dress and adding it to the punch; with all the supervision her father apparently hired, she was going to have some fun now.

"Wow," Ryan stammered, "What is that?"

"Vodka from Russia, now you better keep your mouth shut or this will be the only thing going down my shirt tonight," she informed him, waving the little flask at him before tucking it back into its hiding spot. He nodded vigorously and stood silently beside her. She smirked, men were so predictable.

The prom was about half over, and Ryan had yet to ask her to dance, not that she cared all that much, she never could dance; but it would still have been nice if he'd at least tried to made her evening special.

"Hey so why don't we get out of here and have the limo take us to the hotel I was talking about." Wow, now that was special.

"Ummm," she muttered out, not thrilled by the idea.

"Aww come on babe," he pleaded, pulling her along outside and toward their limo, "It was really expensive."

She scoffed; maybe that was why the guys had to rent the limo, to keep them from renting hotels.

She spotted the limo driver, in full limo driver garb, leaning sideways on the driver's door of the car, back to them, and talking on his cell phone.

"Hey buddy?" Ryan called out to the guy. Seriously, he was on the phone, give him a minute you ass, "Hey buddy? Can you take us to the Budget Inn, dude?"

The Budget Inn…seriously, their rooms were like $35 a night; compared to him, Tyson the wallet chain guy seemed like a real catch.

The guy took the phone from his ear but didn't look at them, "Sorry, that's not on the itinerary."

"Dude, there is no itinerary," Ryan scoffed, "We pay you and you take us where we say. That's how this works."

"I'm not taking you to a hotel."

Darcy felt her breath release; when had she been holding her breath? This was great, if the limo guy wouldn't take her to the roach motel she would be able to say hi to her virginity another day. Not that it was all that special to her or anything. She grew up with role models like the Black Widow who used sex as a bargaining chip, but none the less she didn't really want to have her first time with douchebag MeGee over here.

"Dude, take us to the hotel…I'm not playing."

"Neither am I," the driver responded, turning to face them and grabbing Ryan by his already too tight collar.

"Clint," Darcy gasped in astonishment.

"Clint?" Ryan huffed, "You know this guy."

"He's my big brother," Darcy replied, shrugging her shoulders and slurring her words slightly.

"What?" Ryan gasped out, letting out a squeak as Clint released him and he fell hard on his ass beside the limo, a glock now pointed down at him.

"Darcy, seriously," Clint asked bewildered.

"What?" she huffed, "I may not have chosen my date well."

"Clearly," Clint scoffed, "I was just on the phone with your father. He heard what Dickface here said about hotel rooms; he's not happy."

"Dad's never happy," Darcy huffed, "But thanks for not making me go with Dickface."

"I'm still right here," Ryan huffed, still on the ground. The gun was no longer pointed at his face, but Clint's hand was still very much on the trigger.

"Were you really going to let him take you to that hotel?"

"Hell no, do you think I'm crazy, I've got good 'ol sparky right here," she smirked, tapping her thigh comfortingly.

"Are you drunk?" Clint asked in astonishment, tucking his weapon back to its hiding place.

"I may have taken some of Tasha's vodka," Darcy slurred, pulling out her flask with a hiccup, "Of a lot of Tasha's vodka."

"That stuff can take down a donkey," Clint gaped, ripping the canister from her grasp.

"Did you just call me an ass?" Darcy slurred with a laugh.

"Let's get you home," Clint replied, setting her into the back seat of the car.

"What about Mal and Anna," Darcy sputtered.

"I'll come back for them after I get you back to SHIELD." Clint shut the door to the back seat and eyed the boy still on the ground, greeting him with a kick, "Move or I will run you over."

"Geez dude, I'm going," Ryan huffed, forcing himself up off the ground.

Clint laughed as the boy grumbled under his breath and headed back into the dance, probably to find another girl to take to the Budget Inn. Clint smiled as he whispered into his earpiece, "Taser has the left the building but feel free to ruff up Dickface. Hawk out."

Ryan never expected the looks he got from the dozen suited, sun-glass wearing chaperones when he'd made it back inside the dance. No girl would come within 50 feet of him the rest of the night.

* * *

Darcy smiled as she got the last of her bags unpacked in her dorm room and her collectable Captain America poster hung on the wall; her father looking at her all glassy eyed. Darcy adjusted the glasses on her nose and scoffed, "Now don't you start crying. If you start then I'll start and we'll just be a big old crying mess."

"I'm not gonna cry," Phil huffed insulted.

"Whatever," she shrugged, throwing her comforter on her bed but not bothering to actually make it, what did it matter, it was an upper bunk in a dorm, only prudes made their upper bunks in dorms.

"Darcy. Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" Phil asked concerned.

"I'll be fine, Jesus calm down," Darcy huffed, "I've got a life supply of pop-tarts thank to Clint, my trusty Taser Sparky, and everyone at SHIELD on speed dial. I'm probably the safest person on this campus."

"I just, you've never been out on your own before."

"Unless you count Budapest."

"We don't talk about Budapest," Phil glared. Darcy held up her hands in surrender and looked out her window, after years living underground, it was weird to be so high off the ground.

"Look at these people," Darcy smirked, leading her father to the window as they eyed one guy half hanging out a window while another dropped his air conditioner through another one while he attempted to install it, "None of them have been out on their own before either. If _I_ can't handle this, no one can.

"Besides, I'll call constantly, and I'll make sure that I do all my homework and swear to all the normal college promises."

"That's reassuring."

"Oh hush. Seriously, I mean you even pulled strings to get me my own room; there are four beds in this room all for me. Imagine the orgies."

Phil's face paled.

"I'm kidding, God; calm down. I'll be a good, little well behaved college student. I've gotta be. I mean I'm majoring in political science; I can't have anything on my record."

"Why _are_ you majoring in political science?" Phil asked bewildered.

"Well I finished my PHD in Computer Science and my Masters in Engineering while I going to that waste of a High School."

"I remember."

"So I figured I'd go for a Bachelors in political science and take Uncle Nick up on his offer for the Director job when he retires."

"You realize that when he said that to you all those years ago it was a joke."

"Well apparently I can't take a joke," Darcy laughed, "So for all I know he was completely serious and I'm not letting him take it back."

"This is not going to end well is it?"

A grin simply adorning her face in response.

* * *

Darcy sat in the commons, flipping through her book on the History of Congress, her eyes falling closed in boredom. She'd occasionally take a sip or two of coffee but not even that seemed to help. This was her first year of college…her first. She was 18 and she was ready to take the bull by the horns and experience College as it was intended. But this sucked.

Between the boring lectures and the late night parties with cheap booze, Darcy was beginning to realize that nothing was living up to her expectations. She groaned annoyed, eying the TV a few feet away before glancing back at her book.

Another five minutes later and she was ready to rip her hair out, was getting Fury's job really worth all this shit? She watched a boy with a skateboard run past her and move quickly to the TV, pushing at the buttons on the side until he turned the volume up all crazy loud.

"Hey," she shouted at him annoyed, "Some of us are pretending to try to study."

"Then go to the library. Tony Stark's been kidnapped."

Darcy froze, Tony Stark was kidnapped? What was going on? Darcy closed her book and began vigorously inhaling her coffee as she watched the news that was now reporting that during a trip to introduce and test a new weapon called the Jericho Missle, Tony Stark was kidnapped. No ransom was given and there were no leads. The story seemed to be on repeat for the station despite nothing new coming up information wise. After 15 minutes of watching the same stock footage of Tony at a party, Darcy became bored, packed up her stuff, and headed back to her room.

She was passing by the library, when she spotted Clint leaning against a black jeep. She smirked and paused, eying him curiously, "Recruitment down?"

"Yeah, you wanna sign up?"

"SHIELD can't handle me."

"Your right about that; I've never seen that place run so smooth," he smirked as she punched his arm.

"Whatever, you guys miss me."

"Hell ya we do?" Clint laughed before pointing toward the car, "Wanna ride?"

"I was told never to accept rides from strangers," Darcy replied, throwing her backpack up and into the roofless jeep before pushing him out of the way to open the door.

"Onward Jeeves," she shouted dramatically, pointing straight ahead of her to nothing in particular. Clint scoffed but started the car none the less.

"So Stark was kidnapped," Clint began awkwardly.

"I heard," she replied shrugging her shoulders, "Anything you can tell me that the news doesn't know."

"From what I know, SHIELD doesn't know much more than the media."

"That sucks," Darcy sighed, "Fury's probably pissed."

"When is he not pissed?" Clint questioned curiously.

"True," Darcy replied with a laugh, "Hey let's go to a movie."

"Sounds good," Clint laughed, finding a theater nearby (it is a college town after all) and pulling in with a screech.

"And Dad says _I_ can't drive," Darcy scoffed, hopping out of the passenger seat and running ahead of Barton to the front door.

Clint turned to his phone and eyed the text message from Coulson,

'_She safe?'_

_'She's fine' _he replied_ ,'Why does she need protection? She's never even met Stark.'_

_'Rather be safe than sorry.'_

_'We're gonna go to a movie.'_

_'Good. Check in with me later.'_

"Whatcha wanna see?" Darcy asked him curiously as he hurried to catch up to her, tucking away his phone, " 'Cus I wanna see Hancock."

"Why?"

"I don't know…it's a guy with super powers…I mean that's pretty cool."

"I'd rather see the new Rambo," Clint responded, pointing to another poster.

"Bleh," Darcy laughed, faking a gag with her hand, "Hancock it is."

Clint scoffed, but followed her to the ticket counter and paid for both their tickets and their snacks.

She'd insisted that he buy gummy worms, though he didn't understand why until they were sitting in the theater alone waiting for the movie start after arriving 45 minutes early to watch her hand him the bag.

"I didn't want these?" he replied confused, holding the bag distastefully.

"Come on Hawk, feed me like a mama bird," she responded, opening her mouth wide only to have the entire sealed bag thrown at her face.

* * *

Phil stood amongst the press in disbelief, Tony apparently thought it was necessary to have a conference immediately after he got back to the United States. He watched as Obidiah Stane and Tony led the charge, Pepper just a couple of steps behind them, notebook in her hands.

He caught her just outside the mob of press and smiled, Ms. Potts?"

"Yes?"

"Can I speak to you for a moment?"

"I'm not part of the Press Conference but its about to begin right now."

"I'm not a reporter; I'm Agent Phil Coulson with the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division," he told her, passing his card to her.

"That's quite a mouth full," she replied flatly.

"I know," Phil responded, remembering all the times Darcy had told him to just call it SHIELD...'it sounded cooler anyway'. To which he'd respond, 'that hasn't been sanctioned yet.' Darcy would simply scoff in response. Phil smiled and informed her, "We're working on it."

"We've been approached already by the DOD, the FBI, the CIA..."

"We're a separate division; with a more specific focus. We need to debrief Mr. Stark about the circumstances regarding his escape."

"I'll put something in the books shall I?"

"Thank you."

Phil moved away from her and watched as Tony forced the entire group of people to sit down to his level while he ate and rambled before he suddenly make a drastic decision that would change his entire company. God, he was just like Darcy. He shivered; it wouldn't take much for her to become just like him.

oOo

Phil arrived at the Tony Stark Fundraiser for the Firefighters Family Fund hoping to talk to the man. There had been rumors that he wasn't going to come...well it wasn't really a rumor; but if he could at least solidify something with Pepper maybe Fury wouldn't ream him out.

Phil was pleasantly surprised when he spotted the man in question at the bar ordering booze. Well the booze wasn't a surprise but his luck was. Coulson forced a smile despite seeing his daughter's face in Tonys' and moved toward him to introduce himself.

"Mr. Stark?"

"Yeah huh?"

"Agent Coulson," Phil began.

"Oh yeah yeah yeah. The guy from the..."

"Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division."

"Yeah yeah right. Wooh, you need a new name for that."

"Yeah, I hear that alot," Phil replied, adding a, 'from your daughter' disdainfully in his head. He hated that reminder. He wished that Fury had put someone else on this assignment. "Listen I know this must be a trying time for you but we need to debrief you. There's still a lot of unanswered questions and time can be a factor with these things." He watched Tony's eyes glaze over like Darcy's did when she's stopped listening and Phil couldn't help but groan internally, "Let's just put something on the books. How about the 24th; 7pm, Stark Industries."

"Tell you what," Stark replied, shooting out his hand to shake, "You got it. Absolutely right. We'll a...I'm gonna go to my assistant and we'll...make a...date."

Phil sighed as the man wandered away. Unless he was way better at multi-tasking than Coulson gave him credit for; that meeting was not being put on any calender anywhere.

oOo

Phil sat casually in the waiting area of Stark Industries hoping to catch Tony or Pepper as they came from their offices after the woman at the front desk had kindly informed him that there was no appointment; why was he surprised.

He watched as Pepper moved down those stairs a quickly as her shoes would allow, moving past him on the couch and toward the exit.

"Ms. Potts we had an appointment," he told her from his seat. Watching her face glance up at him nervously, "Did you forget about our appointment?"

"Nope right now, come with me. We're gonna have it right now."

"Okay?"

"Yup right now; walk with me," she gritted out, glancing over her shoulder as she went, "I'm gonna give you the meeting of your life."

Pepper led him to the lab where the secret equipment was supposedly located; Phil following her lead with several Agents falling in line behind them.

"Section 16, section 16; there it is," she muttered to herself, spotting it across the way and quickly scanning her key card to find nothing happening, "My key's not working. It's not opening the door."

Phil said nothing, just held his hand out expectantly to have a 'Cake Donut' placed into it. That was what Darcy had decided to call it when she designed it at the age of 6. She had found it so amusing that her father loved his tiny Little Debbie donuts and told him that now he could always have one in his pocket that didn't crumble...it made everything else crumble instead. Phil stuck the tiny item to the key lock and listened to Pepper sputter in amazement,

"Oh wow what's that? It's like a little device? It's like a little thing that going to pick the lock?" She leaned over his shoulder curiously, enthralled by his daughters toy.

"You might wanna take a few steps back," Phil warned her cautiously, taking cover himself. Her bombs were always a little bigger than necessary. He heard it go off and was pleasantly surprised at the subtly of the 'Donut'. He remembered the early stages when it had demolished an entire room of the headquarters. Fury had not been happy that day.

Phil led the way into the secret sector, gun drawn, "Looks like you were right. He was building a suit."

"I thought it'd be bigger."

Hopping the ledge, Coulson headed along the water main canvasing the area. It seemed however, that Pepper found Stane first as he spotted her running toward the exit and being narrowly missed by the giant suit as it flung his agents like toys across the warehouse.

He'd made it out alive, obviously, and had helped to get Stark off the roof of the building hoping to God that his suit didn't give Darcy any ideas.

oOo

"Here's your alibi," Phil informed him quickly, walking quickly into the room as Pepper attempted to cover up the scratches on his face.

"Okay?"

"You were on your yacht. We have port papers that put you in Avalon all night and sworn statements from 50 of your guests."

"See I was thinking maybe we should say it was just...it was just Pepper and me alone on the yacht."

"That's what happened," Phil told him firmly

"Alright."

"Just read it word for word," Phil emphasized.

Tony seemed to flip through the blue index cards in contemplation, "There's nothing about Stane in here?"

"That's being handled. He's on vacation. Small aircrafts have such a low safety record."

"What about the whole cover story; its a bodyguard? He's my bodyguard...I mean...that's...that's kinda flimsy."

"This isn't my first rodeo Mr. Stark. Just stick to the official statement and soon this will all be behind you."

"You've got, 90 seconds.

"Oh Agent Coulson," Pepper called, moving toward him as he headed for the door, "I just wanted to say thank you very much, for all of your help."

"That's what we do. You'll be hearing from us."

"From the Strategic Homeland..."

"Just call us SHIELD."

"Right," he heard her mutter as he moved toward the main briefing room to hear Tony read the official statement...despite the fact that they both knew that he wasn't going to actually read it.

Phil felt himself sigh dejectedly when he heard Tony say the words 'Super Hero', followed by the equally appalling words 'I am Iron Man'. God, he and Darcy need to never ever meet...ever.

* * *

Darcy sat bored out of her mind, typing a ten page APA paper on the Judicial review when she heard her phone vibrate loudly against the top of her desk.

"New Text message," Darcy questioned aloud, "Who do I know that texts?"

Examining it curiously Darcy smiled reading that it was from 'The Pirate.'

_'Darcy I need you to shut down Tony Stark's computer system'_

_'KK, why?'_

_'I need to get into his house, I want to talk to him'_

_'Bout what?'_

_'Working with Shield'_

_'Bluh, I don't want IRON MAN around my equipment.'  
_

_'I'm sure it'll be fine. Are you going to do it or not?'  
_

_'Yeah, give me two minutes. Love ya Uncle Nick.'_

_'Thank you...and you too.'_

Darcy smiled, quickly accessing the network, pulling up the Code, and shutting down his system, weirdly named Jarvis. She then erased all traces of evidence of her hack and purposefully left behind her code name; Taser.

* * *

Darcy did not want to take Chemistry 101 and Physic 102. They were the last classes in her long list of requirements for her Poli-Sci major and she had no plans to sit in a class with morons. She'd even tried it, she really had, she'd signed up for the class and sat there while the instructor went over Newton's laws for three and a half hours; the class still confused.

She'd stormed into the councilor's office furious, demanding another class to which the advisor responded, "What do you want me to do?"

"Isn't there some equivalency I can take instead?"

"I don't really…wait, this was submitted about a month ago but we haven't had any applicants. Let me check and see if this would qualify."

She set the paper down on her desk and Darcy grabbed it curiously, Astrophysics. She didn't know anything about Astrophysics. But at least she'd be learning something, instead of sitting beside brain dead idiots texting smiley faces to the person sitting on the other side of the room.

"Well," the advisor smiled, "It looks like the internship would qualify as a replacement for both your Chem 101 and your Physics 102. But I do have to tell you that you may not even get the internship, I mean it's in Astrophysics and you're majoring in Political Science; they're not the same kind of science. Darcy had to fight the compulsion to roll her eyes.

"Well it doesn't hurt to try," she smiled forcefully, earning a smile in return from the advisor.

"Of course it doesn't sweetie."

Maybe college wouldn't be so boring after all.

* * *

**Next comes Jane...and Thor...oh goodness. We will now be entering dangerous territory.**

**And please keep letting me know what you think, I really do think about all your suggestions and the voting for Darcy's pairing is still open :)**


	4. She plays the Cello

**So I'm not completely happy with this but I really like writing Darcy when she's in her element at SHIELD and this is more of Darcy with Jane and tying up the loose end of Phil's girlfriend. It's also hard to try and keep her within the constraints of the Thor movie but I hope this chapter's okay. This one and the next are set during Thor and then its the time between Thor and Avengers so that should be a bit more crazy. Let me know what you think.**

**Steve - 47**

**Loki - 27**

**Clint - 6**

**Bruce - 3**

**And you can still vote :)**

* * *

**Survival Tip #464 - **If Darcy Lewis threatens to taze you, walk away slowly. She isn't kidding.

**Survival Tip #286** - No drunk science. Ever.

* * *

Natasha lowered her center of gravity as low as she could, preparing herself for the younger woman's attack. Darcy however, could sense her change in position and altered her attack accordingly; doing a low spinning kick rather than her original high one.

Nat caught on and dodged it at the last second, leaping into a backflip before cartwheeling toward her shorter opponent. Darcy threw up her arm to block the leg then twisted her body to get the woman's ribs with her shin.

Tasha noticed the change quickly, turning her body into it and rolling forward, taking them both to the floor together only to have Darcy quickly break away and hit the ground on her feet in a low crouch, Natasha in the same stance. The women paused as they heard a loud clapping sound coming from the doors of the workout room to catch Clint standing there with a towel on each arm.

"You do realize that you have the same set of moves right?" he laughed, tossing each a towel as they moved to stand, "What's the point of fighting each other? I mean Tash, you taught Darcy everything she knows; it just doesn't make any sense."

Nat smiled, tripping the unsuspecting man as Darcy used her elbow to ensure that he was unable to steady himself. Darcy laughed as he thumped to the ground and informed him, "To ensure that we can still do that."

"Hey, not fair," Clint huffed embarrassed.

"That's the thing Clint," Nat smiled, "We're never fair."

* * *

"So I got the internship," Darcy smiled, clapping her hands together as her father and his new girlfriend smiled to one another at the dinner table.

She'd received the call from her dad telling her that his new girlfriend had invited them both to dinner for Christmas at her house in Portland. Darcy's initial reaction was,

"Oregon, what the hell were you doing in Oregon to be meeting women."

"She's really nice; you'll like her…I hope."

"No it's not that; I'm sure I'll like her. I'm really happy that you found yourself a girlfriend. I've been waiting for you to move on and get a lady friend from years but you never did. I'm happy about that, but Oregon?"

"She's a cellist."

"What the hell does that have to do with Oregon?"

"Are you gonna come celebrate Christmas with us or do I have to tell her that you said no?"

"Oh hush up," Darcy scowled, "I'll be there and we WILL BE exchanging presents."

Darcy looked at her father's new girlfriend and couldn't help but grin excitedly; the woman was beautiful, her light brown hair seemed to lie gracefully over her shoulders and her house was decorated like a magazine.

Darcy was so happy for her dad; he finally got a special lady friend. Maybe some of his sexual frustrations would be released and he wouldn't be so high strung. He seemed so happy with Wanda and the woman was just so nice.

"So what kind of internship is it?" Wanda asked curiously, her red dress hanging delicately along her frame as she brought in a tray of ham. God, Darcy drooled, ham. She hadn't realized how food deprived she'd been at college until she tasted Wanda's cooking. It was like magic.

"Magic," Darcy sputtered out, still eying the ham.

"I'm sorry?" Wanda asked concerned, her brows furrowing in confusion, "Did you say magic?"

"I mean space…magic; where'd that come from?" Darcy mumbled embarrassed, "It's an Astrophysics internship; studying the stars and whatnot."

"That sounds fun," Wanda told her as a breeze blew past the table and into the kitchen.

"I hope so. If not it's gonna be a long five months."

"Darcy, why don't you go help Wanda get some more of the food from the kitchen?" her father asked her curiously.

"Why don't you?" Darcy responded, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Darcy," her father warned.

"Oh don't worry; I have it all under control. I think my brother's here now anyway," she smiled, rushing back into the kitchen quickly.

"She seems nice," Darcy smiled to her dad, "I like her."

"Do you?" Phil asked her curiously, "What was that about magic?"

"I don't know," Darcy shrugged, "Foods good though huh!"

"Sure beats the cafeteria at SHIELD," Phil agreed.

"Hell, even that was good compared to the crap the college served," Darcy countered, "But this stuff is awesome. I could eat like this forever."

"You'd be a big fat dough ball of a director," Phil laughed, noticing her fake face of hurt and sadness and only laughing harder.

"That's what the training's for," Darcy replied, grabbing more potatoes, "Plus, I'm going on an internship next week, I need to have enough of this to last me all winter long."

"What are you a bear?" her father asked curiously as she growled at him, mouth full of Turkey.

"Where's the food," a man suddenly shouted excitedly, running into the room with a plate before eying Darcy curiously, "Hungry?"

"Mmhmm," Darcy responded, her mouth still full, "Ran ru rar?"

"Me?" he questioned, "Name's Pietro and I'd shake your hand but it looks like they're both in use at the moment."

"Rym Rarcy," she answered with a cough.

"Sorry," Phil covered quickly, standing from his spot at the table to shake the man's hand, "My name's Phil and this is my daughter Darcy. You must be Wanda's brother."

"That would be me," he responded, motioning to the girl seemingly covered in potatoes, "Have you been starving her?"

"College student," Phil replied with a smirk.

"I hear that," the man responded with a laugh, "Make sure you grab some to go before you leave."

"Fanks," Darcy smiled, not bothering to breathe between bites.

Wanda made her way back into the room with a smile, "So I understand that Darcy here has a present for her father?"

"Yeah," Darcy smiled, forcing herself to swallow the food in her mouth, "I would've gotten you guys something too but I didn't know what you'd like."

"That's fine," Wanda smiled.

"No problem," Pietro added. Darcy grinned and tossed the package at her Dad as he did the same for her.

"What's this?" Darcy asked confused.

"Wanda and I got you something too," Phil told her with a grin.

"Now I feel even worse for not getting you anything," Darcy huffed to the woman across the table.

"Don't worry about it," she answered.

"Hey that's from me too," Pietro butted in at the last second, earning him an elbow in the ribs from his sister.

"Open it," she urged with a grin.

Darcy shrugged and tore the paper from her present excitedly, grinning like a madman when she found the object underneath, an IPod.

"You got me an IPod?" she questioned curiously, suddenly incredibly excited, "This is awesome…thanks you guys." She turned the object over in her hands in awe. She remembered telling her dad that she wanted one at some point within the last year but she hadn't expected him to remember. "You guys are awesome."

"It's so you have something to do when you inevitably ignore your new boss," her Dad joked.

"You open yours now." He smirked and turned to the poorly wrapped object in his hands. Darcy never could wrap presents.

He tried to get past the tape that seemed to encase the wrapping paper like a mummy before finally giving up and grabbed the steak knife off the counter to saw the packaging apart. He finally got the gift open and rolled his eyes as he pulled out a pair of Captain America pajamas.

"They're awesome right!" Darcy shouted excitedly, "I had the fabric custom made." It was true. Captain America stuff was pretty hard to come by after all these years. He eyed the shirt; a loose fitting tee-shirt with a giant faded Captain America shield on the front that said "Buy war Bonds" and a pair of long, light blue pants with tiny shields all over them.

"You didn't have…"

"Don't start," Darcy interrupted, "I can't let your fanboy crush on Capt'n Rogers go without PJs. They're like a requirement for every obsession."

Darcy turned to spot a look of confusion on Wanda's face, "Your boyfriend has an obsession with Captain America, but it's not creepy. I just wanted to warn you because I am assuming that you'll be seeing him in these quite a bit."

Pietro covered his face to stop a laugh while Wanda tried to hide a blush. Her father's eyes wide in astonishment as he shouted, "Darcy!"

* * *

The email from Dr. Foster that informed her that she had received the internship had also requested that she bring only one carry-on of luggage. It had confused her at the time but as Darcy stood outside her living conditions for the for-seeable future it suddenly made sense. She was going to be living in an RV.

"What the hell?" Darcy heard herself question aloud in confusion as she took in the hideousness of the RV.

Darcy whipped the phone from her pocket in alarm and quickly sputtered into the receiver, "Clint help me."

"What's wrong?" he asked, instantly concerned.

"I'm trapped in the New Mexico Chainsaw Massacre," she sputtered in desperation, her suitcase falling face first into the sand and she felt herself break down in disbelief.

"Your fine," he scoffed, "But I will say, it is nice to hear from you. I've been pretty lonely over here."

"Aww, your little wifey run out on you?"

"If your referring to Nat, she's not my little wifey….and she is gone."

"Knew it," Darcy smirked, "You sound all sad and forlorn."

"I do not sound forlorn."

"Then you admit that you sound sad."

"I'm a SHIELD Agent…I admit nothing."

"Ha," Darcy scoffed, "You're lonely."

"Well I lost my two best girls what do you expect."

"You can always come visit me," Darcy suggested.

"I already wasted all my vacation days on your last excursion."

"Hey that was a perfectly legal…"

"I never said it wasn't legal…" Clint countered, "It was just a waste of vacation days."

"Oh crap I should go; leather face has spotted me and he's wearing the skin of a really pretty woman in plaid."

"Run…Run as fast as you can," Clint shouted in fake alarm.

"Screw you," Darcy huffed, slamming the phone shut before he could respond.

Darcy gathered her courage and moved toward the woman with a smile, "Hi. My name is Darcy Lewis and I'm the new intern."

"Hi," the woman smiled in return, "My name's Doctor Jane Foster, you can call me Jane."

"You can call me Darcy," Darcy responded with a smile. Jane grinned,

"Darcy it is."

"So Jane," Darcy began as she fumbled with her fallen suitcase and attempted to roll the wheels against the drifted sand on the sidewalk before giving up and tossing the bag over her shoulder, "What is there to do around here?"

"Not much I'm afraid," Jane responded grabbing the suitcase and setting it just inside the door of the RV before leading the way out of the RV park toward the town. "The population is really small. Most of the people here go to the football and basketball games from the nearby school…" Jane stated pointing to the sign to which Darcy read and responded,

"Go Vikings."

"Ha, yeah or they drink at the bar down the street," she mentioned casually as they passed a furniture store with the odd name 'OK'.

"Well that's something at least," Darcy shrugged.

"Don't get your hopes up though," Jane informed her with a look of scorn, "The guys here are terrible, they all boorish and sexist. It's not really any fun."

"Aww," Darcy scoffed, "My last chance at freedom before real life and now I have to end it before it begins so Elizabeth Stanton doesn't roll over in her grave; joy."

"Yeah," Jane smirked, "I think you'll find yourself pretty busy. There really isn't much time to go partying or…anything really."

"Are you a workaholic?" Darcy asked concerned.

"Well I don't think I am, but every boyfriend I've ever had does. That's why I'm so happy with Donny."

"Who?" Darcy asked confused.

"Donny, he's a Doctor; works at the hospital nearby. He's pretty busy himself so it works out pretty well."

"How does that work?"

"Well I'm self-employed and so I can pretty much set my own hours so when he has time off, which he rarely does, I make sure to leave work so we can do something fun."

"I thought you said there wasn't anything to do here," Darcy replied.

"We make our own fun," Jane smiled, looking off into space.

"I'm sure you do," Darcy smirked, "So; this the place?"

"Oh," Jane sputtered looking at the green building ahead of them, "Yup. This is it."

"Smit's…is that supposed to mean something?"

"It used to be a really expensive wedding dress shop in the 60's, but it went out of business in the late 70's and the building's gone vacant since."

"Are there still dresses in there…please tell me there are still dresses in there."

"There are but their hideous."

"Who cares, we can dress up and do wedding runways and pretend we're models or some shit."

"Why?"

"Because we can," Darcy shrugged as though it were obvious.

"We'll see," Jane surrendered, leading the way into the building.

"I'm taking that as a yes," Darcy exclaimed, high fiving the air.

"You should take that as a 'we'll see'," Jane replied, "Now come on. I'll show you what you'll be doing."

* * *

"This is boring," Darcy huffed as she pretended to fill in the spreadsheet while she was really playing Plants vs. Zombies.

"This is my life's work Darcy don't call it boring," Jane huffed, blowing her hair from her face as she continued to chart the stars.

"Well maybe you should find something more exciting to do," Darcy sighed, standing to stretch.

"You can always go back to Chemistry and Physics with idiots," Jane offered.

"Thanks but no thanks," Darcy huffed, "I'd rather claw my eyes out with one of these." Darcy lifted the protractor and pointed it to her eye, as if staring down its barrel.

"Don't do that," Jane chastised, "Knowing you, you'll trip and fall and I'll have to take you to the hospital."

"But then you could visit Donald," Darcy mocked, knowing the woman's weakness.

"I don't want him to see me like this," Jane responded, as though seeing herself for the first time.

"You haven't left this lab in three days. That's three days of no showers and limited bathroom breaks for peeing. Did you expect to look gorgeous?"

"You always look gorgeous to me sweetheart," Donald called out as he came around the corner of the building, knocking lightly and handing her a small bouquet of flowers and a light kiss.

Darcy wanted to find it as sweet as Jane did, the woman was currently fawning all over the man like a smelly blob; but Darcy just couldn't do it. The man was a sleaze. She'd caught him staring at her chest on multiple occasions, which isn't unheard of, most men did. She knew men liked to look and she had no _real_ problem with that, but there is a definite distinction between looking and leering. There was also a definite distinction between looking and trying to cop a feel. No, Darcy did not like Donald Blake. But she couldn't say anything to Jane. It wasn't like the woman had much going on in life outside of work and Donny, no matter what Darcy tried to force on her.

So Darcy had learned to just leave the entire situation alone…it was easier that way.

* * *

Darcy sat alone in the RV on Skype with Nat, a hat made out of a cereal box on her head.

"So then I told that guy he'd better move on or he'd be gettin' his ass tazed."

"Please tell me you told him that while wearing that cereal hat."

"Sadly no; the cereal hat hadn't been in existence yet but it's awesome right!"

"I feel left out for not having one," Natasha remarked sarcastically.

"That's okay, I'm totally going to make you, Barton, and Fury one and then make you take a group picture with them all on to put on Facebook."

"None of us are going to wear those," Natasha remarked flatly, "I mean it makes sense that you're wearing it but on any of us it would just look stupid."

"I'm not sure if that was an insult or a compliment," Darcy thought curiously, "So what's been going on with SHIELD since I've been away?"

"Not much," Natasha huffed, "It's been pretty boring lately but they have been really getting the new Hellicarrier underway. By the time your internship is done it'll probably be operational. Maybe you can be part of the maiden voyage."

"I'm not sure that me being in the sky is the best plan," Darcy shrugged.

"That may be true," Natasha laughed, "Maybe Clint will have to become your babysitter again."

"No way," Darcy scoffed, "He was a terrible babysitter."

"I was the best babysitter you ever had," a voice joined in and Darcy waved as Tasha scooted over to make room for Clint on the tiny computer screen before he eyed her cereal box hat, "Should I be concerned?"

"Probably," Darcy laughed.

"So where's your boss?" Clint asked her curiously.

"Still at SMIT's," Darcy responded, rolling her eyes.

"The place with the dresses?" Natasha asked curiously.

"Yup," Darcy responded with a grin, "You guys should come out and play dress up with me. I have the perfect one for Clint."

"They'd all look good on me," Clint remarked sarcastically.

"Well then…" Darcy huffed, folding her arms.

"Someone jealous?" Clint laughed.

"Yeah, super jealous," Darcy remarked, "Almost as jealous as you are of my hat."

"Wow, I didn't know you were _that_ jealous," Clint smirked.

"My god you guys," Natasha laughed.

"He's cheating on me," Jane sputtered out as she burst through the door of the RV in tears.

"Oh god," Darcy exclaimed with wide eyes, pushing the laptop from her lap, unsure of how to react. Darcy wasn't used to crying. She'd only cried as a child when she'd been seriously injured by an experiment; physical pain. Emotional pain was always one of those things Nick referred to as weakness.

Darcy moved to the woman and placed her arms around her gingerly, attempting to squeeze the pain away. That's what hugs were for weren't they?

"He's such an ass," Jane huffed, "I caught him at that bar hooking up with some trampy nurse."

"That's terrible," Darcy growled, "What were you even doing at the bar? I thought you were still at SMIT's."

"I was but then I thought I'd get a drink before heading back here and I found them together. When I called him out on it he said that we 'weren't exclusive' and that I was so busy he had to find someone else for the rest of the time. God how could I have been so stupid."

"Don't worry," Darcy replied, placing her cereal hat on Jane's head and grabbing her messenger bag with a grin, "I'll take care of it."

The RV screen door bounced against its hinge and Jane wiped her eyes in confusion, "What?"

"This isn't good," Jane heard a voice state alarmed.

"Hello?" Jane called out in confusion.

"What are you doing? Shut it off!"

"I'm trying."

"Try faster"

"Who's there?" Jane called out concerned, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she stared at the ceiling, "Hello?"

Darcy patted Sparky through the fabric of her messenger bag with a grin, today would be a good day indeed. She allowed the door of the bar to slam shut behind her as she made her way through the establishment and took a seat on one of the bar stools nearby.

"Wha' can I get cha'?" the man behind the bar asked curiously.

"Scotch," Darcy smiled, "Full glass…no ice."

"Can do," the man smiled, getting her beverage ready as Darcy spun in her stool to spot said Doctor sitting in a booth across the way, the nurse fondling his crotch as though it were the most interesting thing in world. Wow, she really is a tramp; and here Darcy thought Jane was just saying that because she was mad.

"Here ya go darlin'," the bartender told her setting the drink on the counter behind her. Darcy smiled and spun back to grab it before making her way to the table of the lovely couple, sliding into the booth on the other side.

"Hey guys," she slurred purposefully.

"Darcy?" Donny asked curiously, "What are you doin' here?"

"Just gettin' a drink?" Darcy asked curiously, "Why what are you doin'?"

"You wanna join us?" the Trampy nurse asked curiously, smacking her gum as she turned to give Darcy the once over, "Your tits _are_ huge."

"Well thanks," Darcy responded sarcastically. The tramp didn't notice.

"I say we get her to join us," Trampy stated, turning to Donny with a smile.

"Well let's see what I can do sweetheart," he told the nurse before turning to Darcy, "Is there somewhere we could..."

"Out back," Darcy grinned, downing the full glass of scotch.

Donny jumped up from the booth quickly, almost falling over the Tramps' legs to get to the aisle, a shit eating grin on his face. Darcy smiled despite herself and waved the cash over her head to the bartender before placing it on the table and following Donny outside and around the back.

"I always thought you hated me but you were just jealous that Jane got me and not you. That makes so much more sense."

"Yeah, that's it," Darcy lied.

"Let me just get something out of my bag," Darcy smirked, leaning down before coming up with the Taser.

"What is that?" Donny asked, suddenly sober.

"Meet my little friend," Darcy grinned, petting it like it was a cat. "This is Sparky. Sparky doesn't like you."

"Excuse me?"

"Sparky doesn't like the way you treated Jane."

"What the hell?"

Darcy aimed at her well-formed target and fired. Donny hitting the ground with a girlish scream.

"Don't mess with Jane Foster again," Darcy growled angrily. "You ever talk to her…you ever come near her again and I will Tase you so bad that you won't ever do anything again. Understand?"

The man was crying now and Darcy grinned, he learned his lesson, "Understand?"

"Yes, yes," he whimpered, "I understand."

"Good," Darcy grinned, letting the cartridge hit the ground beside his crumpled body and throwing the messenger bag back over her shoulder, "Have a nice night Donny."

* * *

"I think I've really discovered something here Darcy," Jane exclaimed in excitement. Darcy jolting awake at the yelling.

"What? What's going on?"

"I've got it. I've figured out when the next aurora should appear and where."

"That's great Jane," Darcy sighed, leaning on her arms to go back to sleep.

"You don't understand Darcy," Jane shouted, "This could change everything." Jane seemed to be running around SMIT's in a frenzy; grabbing charts and printing spreadsheets and guzzling pots of coffee, "I think I've finally cracked it. After all these years, I think I've finally cracked it."

"I think you've cracked something," Darcy muttered to herself, "That's for damn sure."

"If this data is saying what I think it's saying the next aurora should appear in six days," Jane sputtered out, poptart crumbs littering the floor haphazardly, "I need to contact Erik."

"Who?" Darcy questioned curiously.

"Erik, Erik Selvig," Jane stated, slightly annoyed, "He was one of my professors when I was in school and he's also one of my dear friends within the field."

Darcy was sure she'd heard that name before, and recently too. Something about Gamma Radiation and some guy named Banner or something. She wasn't completely sure but she knew she knew the name from somewhere. She shrugged and ignored the nagging thought in her head to go back to pretending to listen to Jane as she fluttered around like a butterfly on crack.

Darcy smiled as she found her IPod next to her computer and popped the headphones in. Goodbye dull Jane, hello diary of Jane.

* * *

Darcy did not want to sit out in the van, she was frankly bored out of her mind but she stayed silent as the two scientists scurried around, installing equipment on the roof and messing with their computers.

"Wait for it," Jane stated excitedly, staring into the night sky with her binoculars.

"Can I turn on the radio?" Darcy asked tiredly. She wasn't used to doing research in silence.

"No," Jane replied with a huff, continuing to stare out at seemingly nothing.

"Jane, you can't keep doing this," Erik told her sadly. Apparently he was sleep deprived as Darcy. Of course Jane could keep doing this…it was her life…literally.

"The last 17 occurrences have been predictable to the second," Jane replied, pulling at her notebook and flipping through it furiously.

"You're an astrophysicist, not a storm chaser," Erik replied.

"I'm telling you, there's a connection between these atmospheric disturbances and my research."

Darcy scoffed, she doubted it.

"Erik I wouldn't have asked you to fly out here unless I was absolutely sure."

Darcy sighed, tired of listening to them bicker, that was about all they'd been doing for the last four days and Darcy was sick of it. She actually missed Fury's yelling; how was that even possible? Having not moved from the front seat of the van, Darcy turned to glance out the windshield. She doubted that anything was going to happen tonight. The sky was clear and the stars were…wait, what was that?

"Jane," Darcy felt herself question aloud, "I think you wanna see this."

Jane seemed to respond quickly, staring out the side window to see what Darcy could only describe as an anomaly.

"What is that?" Jane asked herself aloud. Moving quickly to pop her head out the roof, Erik only seconds behind her.

"I thought you said it was a subtle aurora," Erik asked curiously, eying the 'aurora' in question.

Darcy couldn't help but stare at it in wonder, it was really pretty. Maybe she'd build one when she got back to SHIELD…just for kicks.

"Go," Jane suddenly screamed out, jolting Darcy from her fantasy and slamming on the gas with no general heading what so ever. She hadn't even realized Jane was back in the passenger seat until she spotted the camcorder beside her and heard Jane shout, "Get closer."

"Yeah good one," Darcy replied flatly.

"Go," Jane suddenly shouted and Darcy faltered, she'd done more dangerous stuff in Clint's roofless Jeep. Darcy finally settled on a heading toward the strange sight and sped closer. Jane seemed to laugh manically as she got the footage through her camera. Then the thing touched ground and Darcy was beginning to second guess herself coming to the conclusion that no, this was not a good idea.

Spinning the car into a tight spin, Darcy was hell bent on getting out of there.

"What are you doing?" Jane asked her is complete disbelief.

"I am not dying for six college credits," Darcy shouted back, continuing to move the car away from the crazy woman's destination. Jane jumped at the wheel, pulling it from her to point them back toward the dessert tornado.

Dust began flying up into the windshield as the lightening hit the ground around them and Darcy realized that she was about to die. In all the dangerous things she'd done throughout her life, she was going to die from driving into a tornado. But even in all the chaos, Darcy knew to hit the brakes when she'd caught site of the shadow shaped like a dude. Slamming them hard and swerving as best as she could on the gravel, Darcy couldn't help but hear the thump as the van collided with the shadow man before coming to a stop.

Darcy turned to stare at Jane, the woman's mouth agape in astonishment at what had just happened, grabbing her flashlight and bolting from the car. If SHIELD found out that she'd hit somebody again she knew they'd take her license, and she'd only just gotten it back. "I think this is legally your fault."

"Get the first aid kit," Jane replied quickly moving to the fallen man. Darcy ran back the van and grabbed the first aid kit which now simply consisted of three old band aids with the sticky no good, a used instant compress, and a roll of gauze tape.

"Whoa does he need CPR, cus I totally know CPR," Darcy gasped astonished, the guy was pretty. Not like the SHIELD guys she knew who were rugged and manly. This guy was just pretty in a gorgeous kind of way. She figured he was probably pretty dumb but he was good eye candy, until he sued them for hitting him.

The guy and Jane seemed to share a moment; staring into each other's eyes as though it were love at first site. The man finally pulled away from her, moving to stand as best he could. Jane glanced up to eye everyone and ask, "Where did he come from?"

"You all right," Darcy asked the blonde dude curiously, feeling for Sparky just in case as the man was a crazy homeless guy.

"Hammer?" he suddenly shouted, "Hammer."

"Yeah we can tell you're hammered," Darcy muttered out, "Pretty obvious."

"Oh my god Erik look at this," Jane suddenly called out, her flashlight lighting up some weird pattern in the dirt that tall, blonde, and drunk was messing up. I bet Fury'd wanna see this, Darcy thought feeling around for her phone only to find it missing and remembering Jane mentioning that electronic devices could mess up the signals of her tech. She knew all about electronics and signals. She watched Jane hit the ground stammering out, "We have to move quickly before this all changes."

"Jane we have to take him to the hospital," Erik responded, ever the voice of reason.

"Father," Blondie called out curiously.

"He's fine," Jane responded calmly, looking back down to the pattern, "Look at him."

"Heimdall, I know you can hear me open the bi-frost," the man spouted off.

"Hospital; you go," Jane stated, "I'll stay."

"You," he suddenly pointed accusingly to Erik, "What realm is this? Alfheim, Nornheim."

"New Mexico," Darcy stated coming to life and pulling her taser to aim at him, she knew how to hold the flashlight and point her scope correctly; she'd only had weapons training every year with Nat.

"You dare threaten me, Thor, with so puny a wea…" he stated, not able to finish his sentence as the prods pierced his body. Darcy smiled; no one calls 'ol Sparky puny. He packs a punch.

"What he was freaking me out," Darcy defended as she received looks of astonishment from her cohorts. She watched as Erik struggled to get him to the vehicle, sighing as he thumped him into the back,

"Next time you Taser someone, make sure he's already in the car, okay." Darcy simply rolled her eyes.

"Jane, come on," Erik called out to the woman still taking pictures. Darcy hopped back into the front seat and aimed the vehicle toward the hospital.

"Hey let's just roll him out the back as we drive under the overhang out front," Darcy supplied as they headed back toward a main road, earning questioning stares from the two. Darcy decided to keep her mouth shut for the rest of the trip.

"Name?" the nurse questioned, filling out the generic form on her database.

"He said it was Thor," Jane supplied curiously.

"T-H-O-R," the woman stated aloud. Darcy rolling her eyes, it would've been so much easier to roll him out the back, "And your relationship to him?"

"I've never met him before," Jane urgently replied.

"Until she hit him with a car," Darcy quickly imputed, needing an alibi in case her Dad asked her what happened later.

"I grazed him," Jane admitted before quickly adding, "But she Tasered him."

"Yes I did," Darcy supplied, she would never not enjoy tasing someone.

* * *

**So the rest of the Thor movie should be in the next chapter...I hope...but I've also got Iron Man 2 in there too so who knows...**

**But let me know what you think, like I said, not entirely satisfied but it was a necessary chapter for the plot line and whatnot. Nothing too exciting or entertaining in my opinion though. Let me know what you thought, :) See you next chapter...probably Tuesday.  
**


	5. They took my IPod

**Alright so Chapter 5 is here as promised. I neglected my homework and got a curious look from a professor as I laughed while I read a couple of your reviews but it is now done...hurrah.**

**So here's the only prevalent score at this point. It's lookin' like Steve but whatever you guys want me to do is fine. I've had tons of ideas either way so I'm satisfied no matter what.**

**Steve - 95**

**Loki - 56**

**And I think there's like one or two more chapters for voting left if I remember right. At least 1, I know that for sure.**

* * *

**Survival Tip #18** – Should you come across Mjölnir left unattended, you should not take the opportunity to decorate it like a spirit stick. Thor will not be pleased.

**Survival Tip #21** - Thor takes his drinking challenges very seriously.

**Survival Tip #48** - There really is a form for any situation you can likely think of. Or at least one that can be adapted to the purpose. Therefore, creating your own makeshift templates is entirely unnecessary.

**Survival Tip #62** - Always keep Murphy's Law in mind. And remember that what can go wrong here is exponentially worse than what can go wrong most places.

**Survival Tip #56** - 'I do what I want!' is not a valid rationale for S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel outside of Director Fury himself.

* * *

Natasha sighed as she followed Pepper Potts into what appeared to be the personal gym in Tony's Malibu house; Tony Stark and his bodyguard boxing. She had found it a bit ridiculous when he'd insisted she come into the ring, then found it even more ridiculous when he removed himself to sit beside the soon to be CEO and expected her to fight his bodyguard Happy.

She wasn't sure why but she felt odd standing near Tony; like he reminded her of someone. Natasha shrugged it off and quickly pushed the thought from her mind, she wasn't here for that, she was here to assess his potential for the Avenger Initiative as she was instructed to do by Director Fury.

oOo

Nat stood at the race in France as Pepper called for her urgently, screaming for her to get Happy. Why would Tony decide to drive his own race car? And why did he not tell anyone?

She wasn't sure why any of this really surprised her; she was used to being let in on things last minute when it came to Darcy all the time. It seemed that girl always had some ridiculous plan up her sleeve.

Natasha suddenly paused as she ran to find Happy, why did he remind her of Darcy?

oOo

She was now his assistant; well rather than his previous assistant Pepper who now seemed to be his new CEO. She wasn't particularly thrilled to be the man's assistant, that was for sure; but she did her job, no questions asked.

Today was his 44th birthday and as she brought the man his watches, she couldn't help but notice the square veins on his neck that were stemming from the reactor with interest; that wasn't right. Then he'd said the remark about it being his last birthday and she was concerned. As soon as he'd headed to the party Natasha quickly dialed her phone,

"Darcy?"

"Yeah?" she'd responded curiously, half asleep.

"Is it possible for palladium to poison the human body?"

"Hell yeah," Darcy responded with sudden interest, "Who's full of palladium?"

"Stark."

"Well, sucks for him I guess."

"Darcy!"

"Well it'll definitely kill him but lithium dioxide should counteract it for a little bit if I remember my chemistry from 6th grade correctly."

"Well that's encouraging."

"You're the one waking me up and keeping me from my beauty sleep lady."

"Alright, fine, sorry. You wanna make me some of that concoction when you wake up?"

"I'm sure the SHIELD scientists can do it, they need something to fill their time with after all; besides I don't really have any supplies."

"Okay, get some sleep…and enjoy your internship," Tasha replied.

"I tased a hot blonde dude that screams at the sky. I am enjoying my internship immensely."

"Should I be concerned?"

"Nah," Darcy scoffed, "Bye Tash."

"Bye Darc."

* * *

"You don't think this was just a magnetic storm do ya?" Erik asked Jane curiously as he leaned over the table and Jane looked amongst her data.

"Look, the lensing around these edges," Jane spouted out excitedly, "Its characteristic of an Einstein Rosen Bridge."

"A what?" Darcy couldn't help but question confused. Maybe doing some semblance of research before starting this internship would've been smart.

"I thought you were a science major?" Erik asked her confused.

"Political Science," Darcy shrugged, choosing to keep the rest of her degrees on a need to know basis.

"She was the only applicant," Jane imputed flatly.

"An Einstein Rosen Bridge is a theoretical connection between two points of space," Erik informed her quickly and excitedly.

"It's a wormhole," Jane supplied.

"Mmm," Darcy responded, not completely interested as she turned her IPod back on and wandered around SMIT. She found her way over to the bulletin board and found the stack of images she was supposed to be putting up.

She grumbled incoherently to herself for a second and started posting more pictures. She'd had them developed over at the one hour photo by the cute guy Wes. He'd asked her out for Friday but she'd turned him down; lied and said she already had a boyfriend. She wasn't sure why she'd said no; maybe it had something to do with Jane's love life…or lack thereof.

After posting the last blurring image, she noticed the shadow in the core of the wormhole. She couldn't help but pause in contemplation before pulling the earbud from her ear and muttering out, "Hey, check this out."

The scientists seemed to stop their discussion at Darcy's words and quickly moved to stand behind her and look to what she was pointing at.

"No; it can't be," Erik responded in disbelief as the three stood staring at the person shaped shadow within the wormhole.

"I think I left something at the hospital," Jane shouted urgently, grabbing her coat and running to the van.

* * *

"We've secured the perimeter but I don't think we should hold it for too much longer," Tasha reported as she spotted Tony and Fury sitting alone in the Donut Shop.

"Huh," Tony observed curiously as a smile crossed Fury's lips, "You're…a…fired."

"That's not up to you," Natasha replied.

"Tony I want you to meet Agent Romonov," Fury stated as gently as possible.

"Hi," he responded half-heartily.

"I'm a SHIELD shadow and I wanted you to know that I was tasked to you by Director Fury."

"I suggest you apologize," Tony remarked, while Tasha could only stare at him. He was just like Darcy, he was sarcastic and snarky and obnoxious. But those were things that Tash loved about Darcy and was beginning to hate about Tony. Did Fury and Coulson see the same similarities that she did, or was she out of her mind?

"You've been very busy," Fury began, "You made your girl your CEO, your giving away all your stuff; you let your friend fly away with your suit. You know if I didn't know better…"

"You don't know better, I didn't give it to him, he took it."

"Woah woah woah, what now; he took it? You're Iron Man and he just took it? The little brother walked in there, kicked your ass, and took your suit? Is that possible?" Fury asked, turning to Natasha curiously.

"Well according to Mr. Stark's database security guidelines there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage."

"What do you want from me?"

"What do we want from you…ah ah ah? No, what do you want from me? You have become a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief you are not the center of my universe."

"Yeah I get it," Tony grunted annoyed.

"I have bigger problems than you in the Southwest region to deal with," Fury informed him causing Natasha to pause, was he referring to Darcy…or the man she tased? Fury brought her out of her fog as he spouted out, "Hit him."

"Oh god, you gonna steal my kidney and sell it?" Tony questioned sarcastically, "Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds? What'd she just do to me?"

"What did we just do for you?" Fury corrected, "That's lithium dioxide. It's gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work. Darcy's information was good."

"Isn't it always?" Natasha remarked in response.

"Well tell that Darcy dude to get me a couple boxes of that I'll be right as rain."

* * *

"So," Coulson began into the phone with a smirk, "I just got a new babysitting gig."

"I told you to stop taking in those stray cats," Darcy replied, sitting in the back of the van on the way to the hospital with a smirk. She'd normally be more cautious of being overheard by Jane or Erik but they both seemed more concerned with getting Blondie to worry about who she was talking to on the phone.

"I never took in stray cats?"

"I know; I just always wanted to say that. So who ya babysitting?"

"Tony Stark."

"Oh god…"

"That's what I said," Phil laughed.

"Just do what you did when I was little and watch those shows about raising unruly kids."

"Those aren't on anymore."

"What about Supernanny? You can be the 'super' nanny of the 'super' hero."

"I'd rather put him to sleep."

"Wanna borrow my taser?"

"I think I might," Coulson responded with a laugh.

* * *

They arrived at the hospital to find police everywhere and Darcy could tell that Jane was getting nervous. This was bad; very very bad. Jane paused before turning around and stopping at the nurse's station and sputtering out, "I'm looking for a patient."

"This hospital's full of patients ma'am, anyone in particular?"

"He goes by the name Thor," Darcy spouted off, wanting to be the one who made the nurse make the face she was now making.

"Him," the nurse grumbled with malice, "He took on a bunch of our staff and we had to sedate him. He should still be out cold in the room down the hall."

"Thanks," Jane shouted, running in the general direction.

"What room?" Erik asked curiously.

"Why do you want to talk to him? He's dangerous," the nurse asked, slightly agitated.

"We just need him to answer a couple of questions."

"I'm sorry but I can't tell you anymore than I already have," the nurse leaned out over the station and stared in the direction Jane had gone, "She's really not even allowed down there."

"Well thanks anyway," Erik shouted, jogging after Jane, "Come along Darcy."

"Be there in a sec," Darcy sputtered, watching him go before turning to the woman, "We're with SHIELD." Darcy pulled the badge from her bag to show the woman who was obviously impressed. Darcy smirked, "We need to ask him a couple of questions and this is a very time sensitive issue. I need to know his room number."

The woman sputtered something incoherent but began fiddling with the keyboard before spouting out, "316 E."

"Thanks," Darcy smiled, running after Jane and Erik, they were going in the wrong direction.

The three stopped at 316 E and Darcy held her breath, the door was open. The likelihood that he was still here was now at about zero. She couldn't help but be a bit saddened when her thoughts turned out to be the truth.

Thor was gone.

"Oh my god," Darcy sputtered out, running from the room to hopefully catch him before he made it from the building, Jane and Erik just steps behind her.

They gave up after about five minutes of wandering; they were beginning to look suspicious and after Darcy had flashed her badge to the nurse she was not interested in looking suspicious. So they wandered from the hospital and got back into the van.

"I just lost my most important piece of evidence," Jane huffed annoyed, "Typical."

"Now what?" Darcy sighed.

"We find him," Jane decided suddenly; both Darcy and Erik looking at her as though she'd grown another head.

"You see what he did in there?" Erik asked rhetorically, "I'm not sure finding him is the best idea."

"Well our data can't tell us what it was like to be in that event and he can, so we're gonna find him," she decided.

"Okay," Darcy mumbled as she fiddled with her bag, smiling as she found Sparky. She had to have him ready to go just on the off chance that they did actually find him.

"You're gonna look all over New Mexico right?" Erik replied; his voice laced with sarcasm.

Jane ignored it and replied with a confident, "Exactly." The van turning over a couple of times before finally starting up. Jane quickly threw it into gear and pulled out only to be stopped by said man as he stepped behind her.

"What?!" Darcy huffed out and she slid around in the back of the van in confusion.

Darcy threw the door open quickly, followed by the other two and they quickly made their way to stand over the fallen man in disbelief.

"I'm so sorry," Jane breathed out quickly, "I swear I'm not doing this on purpose."

* * *

They arrived back at SMIT's and quickly found him clothes. Darcy and Jane couldn't really say that they minded him wandering around in that assless hospital gown but Erik had been quite insistent and they hadn't particularly felt like pissing him off.

"You know for a crazy homeless person he's pretty cut," Darcy couldn't help but admit.

Jane gave her a disappointed look before going back to her book with a huff.

"Hey sorry I tased you," she shouted out at him as he wandered around the glass building without a shirt. He moved throughout the place before stopping at a computer and staring at the mouse as though it were fascinating.

"Excuse me, excuse me," Jane shuttered out, running to him and removing the tiny device from his seemingly giant hands. She seemed to stare at his abs for a second before taking a step back and allowing him to put on the shirt that he was simply carrying around for no reason.

He un-wadded it before taking notice of the sticky tag on the chest, "What is this?"

"Oh," Jane muttered, pulling it from the shirt, "My ex; good with patience and bad with relationships. They're the only clothes that I had that would fit you."

"They will suffice," he remarked flatly. Darcy muttering a mocking,

"They will suffice," in response.

"Welcome," Jane shrugged.

"This mortal form has grown weak, I need sustenance." Darcy turned to Erik and bit her cheek to keep from laughing, what was wrong with this dude. Erik simply folded his arm, analyzing the man in question.

After eating everything in SMIT's kitchen and still complaining 'of the hunger pain' they decided to go own to the dinner. Darcy'd contemplated taking her iPod but decided on just her phone. She didn't need music; there was no way she wanted to miss a second of the crazy things this dude said.

"How'd you get inside that cloud?" Jane asked him, despite the fact that he was currently shoveling waffles into his waffle hole.

"Also, how could you eat an entire box of pop-tarts and still be this hungry?"

"This drink, I like it," he informed then, mouth still full of waffle and pancake.

"I know its great right," Darcy replied, grinning at the way he talked.

It was like that time when she'd forced Clint to take her to the renaissance festival; quiver, bow, arrows and all, and they'd passed the guy with the giant turkey leg shouting, 'I enjoy this feathered beast's meat. I require more!' They still mocked that guy to this day as an inside joke. Too bad Clint wasn't here to enjoy crazy blonde man's antics.

"ANOTHA," he suddenly spouted off, throwing the cup to the floor, and causing Darcy to uncharacteristically jump. She had not been prepared for that.

"Sorry Izzy," Jane hurriedly explained and she moved to the ceramic mess now littering the floor around their table, "Little accident."

"What was that?" Jane asked him frustrated.

"It was delicious, I want another," he explained as though it were obvious.

"Well you could have just said so."

"I just did."

"No I mean ask nicely," Jane replied in disbelief; it was like talking to a child.

"I meant no disrespect," he explained.

"Alright, well no more smashing," Jane replied, "Deal?"

"You have my word."

"Good." Darcy found herself glancing between the two curiously, there seemed to be some chemistry in there for some reason. Maybe Jane would get laid this decade after all.

Darcy continued to watch Thor eat in disbelief, even the biggest SHIELD Agents didn't eat this much. She didn't hear anything the guy at the bar said until she heard the word 'Feds'. What feds?

"Excuse me did you say there was a satellite crash?" Jane asked them curiously.

"Oh my god, this is going on Facebook, smile," Darcy exclaimed, lifting her phone to take a picture of the smiling Thor. She quickly trolled through her contacts and sent a group text to Clint, Fury, and her dad with the caption, "Look who I found. He may be the other half of your satellite."

"What did it look like, the Satellite?" Erik asked the men, suddenly curious.

"Well I don't know anything about satellites but it was heavy. I mean nobody could lift it." Darcy watched as Blondie suddenly stood from his seat. What was his deal?

"Which way?" he asked, grasping the man's jacket.

"Oh err ahhh, fifty miles west of here." Thor moved to the door and began walking outside when the man continued, "I wouldn't waste my time. Looked like the whole army was comin' by the time we left."

Darcy grabbed her phone and jacket as she followed Erik and Jane from the building, "Can you add this to our tab?"

"Sure Darc," Izzy smiled.

"Thanks," Darcy grinned, "And sorry about the mess."

"It's no problem sweetie; I'm just glad Jane's found herself a new man."

"I think we all are," Darcy smiled, running to catch up with the rest of her little group.

"…just go in there and take it?" she heard Jane finish as she caught up in the center of the street.

"Yes," he replied with a grin, as though anything else would be foolish.

"If you take me there now I'll tell you everything you wish to know."

"Everything?"

"Yes. All the answers you seek will be yours once I reclaim Mjölnir."

"Mew Meow?" Darcy asked bewildered, "What's Mew Meow?"

"Can I have a word Jane?" Erik suddenly interrupted, leading her back to the sidewalk; probably safer anyway, "Please don't do this?"

"You saw what I saw last night," Jane countered, "This is no coincidence. We have to find out what's in that crater."

"But I'm not talking about the crater, I'm talking about him."

"But he's promising us answers," Jane replied, grasping at straws.

"But he's delusional, listen to what he's saying. He's talking about Mjölnir and Thor and Bifrost. It's the stories I grew up with as a child."

"I'm…I'm just gonna drive him," Jane replied, almost pleadingly to her mentor, "That's it."

"He's dangerous Jane," Erik countered. Jane stopped and sighed, admitted defeat.

"I'm sorry," she told him, "But I can't take you."

"Then this is where we say goodbye," he replied, leaning down to kiss her hand. She seemed to giggle at the action.

"Uhh, thank you?"

"Jane Foster, Erik Selvig, Darcy; farewell." Darcy felt herself curtsy in response. It was just like the renaissance festival.

"Alright," Erik stated, turning back toward SMIT's, "Back to work."

They were just about back to SMIT's when Darcy heard a pick-up truck honk. She glanced up and spotted…Clint waving at her. What the hell was Clint doing here…and did he have a mustache? They looked at the back, it was Jane's equipment…shit.

"Hey," Jane called out bewildered, "That's my stuff!" Jane led the way, running into SMIT's and shouting out, "Hey what's going on here? "

"Ms. Foster I'm Agent Coulson with SHIELD," she heard her dad mention, moving to meet the irate woman. She almost wanted to warn him about how her boss got when it came to her research…almost.

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" Jane asked angrily. Darcy suddenly spotted Erik run past her and in front of Jane to stop her, "You can't do this!"

"Jane," he interrupted, "Jane this is a lot more serious than you realize. Let it go."

Darcy turned away from her father as he smiled at her, making sure that he knew that she was peeved off at this entire situation.

"Let it go?" Jane asked Erik in disbelief, "This is my life."

"We're investigating a security threat," her father explained to the angry astrophysicist, "We need to appropriate your records and all your atmospheric data."

"By appropriate do you mean steal?" she questioned angrily.

"Here, this should more than compensate you for your trouble," Phil replied, handing Jane a folded check.

"I can't just buy replacements at radio shack; I made most of this equipment myself."

"Then I'm sure you can do it again," her father replied. Darcy could only shake her head at the way he seemed to be handling this entire situation.

"And I'm sure I can sue you for violating my constitutional rights," Jane growled in return. Darcy couldn't help but roll her eyes, good luck with that.

"I'm sorry Ms. Foster," Phil replied, "But we're the good guys."

"So are we! I'm on the verge of understanding something extraordinary and everything I know about this phenomenon is either in this lab or in this book and you can't just take this away."

Phil nodded his head and Darcy watched as Agent Stevens moved past her and snapped the book from her grasp to place in the back of the truck.

"Hey," Jane shouted desperately, attempting to fight him for it. She wasn't going to win. Erik quickly pulled her back and Darcy kept a hand on her shoulder just to be safe as her father added,

"Thank you for your cooperation." Yeah, her dad was going to be getting an earful tonight.

oOo

They'd checked everything. It was all gone…everything that had been in that building was done. So now they sat with their legs dangling from the roof, just very very sad.

"Years of research; gone."

"They even took my IPod," Darcy sighed sadly. Whichever one of those idiot Agents touched her IPod was going to be getting an ass kicked. She'd texted Clint and he said he'd find it for her but that could take days. Days without music; this sucked.

"What about the back-ups?" Erik asked curiously.

"They took our back-ups," Jane replied, "They took the back-ups of our back-ups. They were extremely thorough."

"I just downloaded like 30 songs onto there," Darcy huffed. ITunes is crazy expensive. That was the money her dad had sent for food. Instead she'd just bought Pop-tarts and bought music with the rest. Now she had no food or music. Stupid Thor and his huge Pop-tart eating stomach.

"Will you please stop with your IPod," Jane huffed, slightly annoyed, "Who are these people?"

Darcy was tempted to respond with, "My family," but decided against it.

"Well I knew this scientist, a pioneer in gamma radiation. SHIELD showed up and um…he wasn't heard from again." Darcy paused, hmmm, she'd be researching that when she got done with this internship in a couple weeks.

"They're not going to do that to us," Jane replied defiantly, "I'm gonna get everything back."

"Please, let me contact one of my colleagues," Erik faltered, "He's had some dealings with these people before. I'll email him and…maybe he can help."

"They took your laptop too," Darcy couldn't help but state sadly.

* * *

Darcy sighed as she relaxed in the bed she was now sharing with Jane. She'd originally gotten the couch and Jane had the bed but with the addition of Erik she'd lost her precious pull-out. She now had to attempt to not freeze to death in the cold dessert night air when Jane decided to steal all of the covers from the bed. It was a wonder that Don lasted as long as he did. But Jane had gone off to get their stuff back from SHIELD so Darcy was happy to have the bed to herself, even if it was just for one night.

Darcy rolled over and found Jasper Sitwell in her phone, quickly typing, "I wanted to let you know a guy fell out of the sky. He may be an alien. He's coming for your satellite." She sent it with a smirk before quickly adding, "I'm not drunk I swear."

He responded back quicker than Darcy expected and she smiled as she read, "Darcy we're busy and there's really bad static here. Text me you're terrible jokes later."

"If I'm dead in the morning I want my tombstone to read Darcy, future ghost of SHIELD," Darcy laughed, glancing at the clock and seeing that it was almost 1am.

"Your father would not let that happen," his message responded, earning an eruption of laughter from the girl.

It was about 30 minutes later when she'd gotten her next text from Sitwell, "He gave up after he couldn't lift the thing. Your dad's interrogating him." Darcy huffed and rolled off the bed to find Erik.

* * *

"He committed a crime, he's in jail," Erik lectured angrily.

"I can't just leave him there," Jane argued back angrily.

"Why?"

"You didn't see what I saw," Jane countered, wrapped in a blanket from the rain.

Darcy was busy flipping through Erik's book curiously, she didn't have much else to do. She stopped as the recognized a word, "Look its Mew Meow!" Jane quickly ran to take a look at the drawing with lightening coming from it.

"Where'd you find this?" Jane asked curiously.

"The children's section; I just wanted to show you how silly the story was," Erik replied.

"Well you were the one who was always pushing me to chase down ever possibility, every alternative."

"I was talking about science, not magic."

"Well magic's just science that we don't understand yet; Arthur C. Clark."

"Who wrote science fiction," Erik countered.

"A precursor to science fact," Jane argued.

"In some cases, yeah."

"Well if there is an Einstein Rosen Bridge then there's something on the other side and advanced beings could've crossed it."

"Oh Jane," Erik scoffed.

"A primitive culture like the Vikings might've worshiped them as deities," Darcy assisted.

"Yes, yes," Jane shouted out excitedly, "Exactly. Thank you."

"Mmhmm," Darcy nodded before joining Jane in staring down Selvig.

* * *

"So I hear you've got my buddy," Darcy mentioned casually holding the phone to her ear.

"Darcy," her father said into the phone flatly, "I don't want you around that guy until we know exactly who he is and what he wants. He took down dozens of our agents, I don't trust him. I'm interrogating him now."

"Who'd he get?" she asked curiously, excitedly.

"He didn't get Barton," her father informed her quickly.

"Well I already knew that so thanks for nothing. I was actually hoping that he got Stevens."

"Why?" Coulson asked curiously.

"He tried to touch my boob last time I was at the headquarters to visit you. Clint got him good for it but it still would've been awesome if Thor tore him a new one."

"Wait Stevens did what?" Phil asked appalled.

"Nothing, forget I said anything," Darcy babbled before remembering why she really called, "Just so you know, he isn't going to tell you anything."

"I've already gathered that much," her dad sighed.

"Erik's coming to get him apparently, so I made him a fake ID; it's terrible and I know it'll come up fake but I figured it doesn't really matter since you already know who he isn't and I wasn't going to waste a lot of time."

"Why did you make it?" Phil asked his daughter slightly annoyed.

"Cus I think if you let him go and he hangs out with Jane we might actually get some useful information from him."

"That isn't necessarily the best way."

"Seriously dad, just trust me."

"Fine, I'll give him to Erik when he gets here, just, be wary of him when they get back."

"I've already tased him, I think I'm okay."

"You took him down when my agents couldn't."

"Don't hold it against them….I _am_ awesome. Oh you got me off track again, I also wanted to let you know that one of your idiot Agents ran off with my IPod and I want it back."

"Don't worry Darc; you'll get it back."

"Thanks Pops," she replied.

"I need to get back to your friend here so just go do some work and earn your credits."

"Love ya Dad," Darcy smiled as she quickly hung up the phone and smiled as Erik came into the room, handing him the fake Driver's License, "I present to you, the new Donald Blake."

"I don't want to know how you did that do I," Erik sighed.

"No you don't," Darcy agreed.

* * *

Darcy smiled as she watched Erik drop the antacid into the cup of morning water, somebody had fun last night. She also found it amusing that Thor was helping Jane cook. The world was just full of surprises, wasn't it.

"Thank you," Darcy smiled as he placed the food in front of her. He sure seemed different than he had at the diner. It was surprising what one day with Jane could do.

"Thank you," Erik croaked out beside her.

"You're very welcome," he responded with a smile, only causing Darcy to smile more.

oOo

It's a beautiful theory Jane," Erik mentioned casually, coffee in hand; Thor drying the dishes and setting them on the counter, "You won't be able to convince the scientific community of any of it. Not without hard evidence."

Jane was about to reply when they heard a knocking sound on the window and spotted three dudes and a lady all in armor smiling outside the door.

"Found you!" the large ginger one with a beard shouted excitedly. Darcy felt herself loose hold of her coffee mug at the exact second as the two standing on either side of her.

"My friends," Thor shouted, running to the four who now seemed to be making their way into the building with a smile, weapons in hand.

"I don't believe it," Erik muttered in disbelief.

"Excuse me," the large one began, moving toward them with an axe, "Lady Sif and the Warriors Three."

"My friends," Thor repeated, "I have never been happier to see anyone but you should not have come."

"We're here to take you home," the attractive one with the blonde facial hair remarked curiously.

"You know I can't go home," Thor responded confused, "My father is dead because of me and I must remain in exile."

"Thor," Sif began in disbelief, "Your father still lives."

Darcy looked up as she heard lightening overhead and eyed the aliens to see that they were confused as well, already moving toward the open door and spotting the tornado like funnel off in the distance before something finally hit, making a blast along the desert floor.

"Was somebody else coming?" Darcy felt herself ask nervously. Her training did not prepare her for anything like this.

The group was moving along the street, curious at the identity of the new visitor as they noticed tiny explosions and fire off where the object landed, what the hell was going on out there?

"Jane you have to leave," Thor suddenly warned her.

"What are you gonna do?" Jane asked him in response.

"I'm staying here," he responded.

"Thor's gonna fight with us," Ginger replied excitedly.

"My friends; I am just a man. I'll only be in the way, or worse get one of you killed. But I can help get these people to safety."

"Well if you're staying then so am I," Jane replied, ever defiant.

"We'll need some time," Thor informed them.

"You'll have it," Goatee replied.

"Okay, move it people," Darcy shouted out to no one in particular, she wasn't used to being out in the field.

Once they'd gotten most of the people out and the town was deserted they gathered back up at the gas station to watch the "Warrior's Three and Lady Sif" attempt to fight the giant metal fire monster. Though it didn't seem to be doing much; they seemed to be outmatched.

"Go," Thor shouted out, "Now. Run!" Darcy didn't need to be told twice, picking it up double time with Erik and Jane alongside as they attempted to get out of the line of fire; almost being blasted by the glass explosion as they passed the diner.

'Well', Darcy thought sadly, 'They probably wouldn't need to pay that huge debt they'd racked up from Thor's breakfast yesterday.'

Thor gathered his buddies up and told them he had a plan, though Darcy doubted the plan held much water at this point. His friends however seemed to take him at his word, gathering together and falling back, taking Darcy, Erik, and Jane along with them.

"Wait," Jane sputtered out, seeing the same hole in his plan that Darcy was. Um, did he just drop his shield; that wasn't a good sign, "What's he doing?"

He seemed to move toward the robot, Darcy could swear that he was talking to it but nobody could hear a word any of them said. But suddenly the robot stopped, like it didn't want to kill him anymore and Darcy felt the breath she'd been holding suddenly release. The thing just seemed to turn around and…

"No," Jane screamed out as the robot seemed to bitch slap him down the street. Jane's feet running toward him as fast as she could before falling down beside him. Darcy could see Jane shaking her head and knew that something bad was happening.

The robot finally turned and began to walk away and Darcy knew that it was over. Thor was dead. Darcy didn't cry, she wasn't like Jane, she didn't cry. She wiped at the tears that began to run down her face and noticed a rocket coming straight for them.

Erik seemed to react first, shouting, "Jane," as he ran toward her, pulling her from Thor's unmoving body. The object connected and there seemed to be some sort of storm surrounding him as he just casually stood up all fine and shit.

"Oh. My. God," Jane stated in complete disbelief. The robot seeming to come back and start the fight all over again. Thor disappeared into the sky, creating a tornado as he did so and Darcy felt Erik pull her toward SMIT's for safety, though they both knew the glass building held little safety for anybody.

"So is this how you normally look?" Jane asked curiously, after he'd quickly defeated the robot thing.

"More or less," he responded; covered in weird chain mail and a red cape. Oh the stories she'd have for Clint when she got home.

"It's a good look," Jane smirked, admiring him.

"We must go to the Bi-frost sight. I will have words with my brother," Thor announced to his crew of peeps. They seemed to take the demand in stride.

"Excuse me," a voice she recognized as her father's called out curiously, "Donald. I don't think you've been completely honest with me."

"Know this Son of Coul; you and I; we fight for the same cause, protection of this world. From this day forward you can count me as your ally. If, you return the items you have taken from Jane."

"Stolen," Jane corrected angrily.

"Borrowed," Coulson added, "Of course you can have your equipment back. You're gonna need it to continue your research."

"Would you like to see the bridge we spoke of?" Thor asked Jane curiously.

"Ahh," Jane muttered glancing around, "Sure." He pulled her toward him and soon they were off into the sky.

"Wait," Darcy watched her father shout, "I need to debrief you!"

"Oh calm down 'Son of Coul'," Darcy smirked, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Don't you start, I'm locking you in your room til the end of time for this," Phil huffed.

"What'd I do," Darcy scoffed.

"I don't know…you just always seem to find trouble."

"Whatever," Darcy huffed, climbing into the driver's seat of Jane's van with Thor's four friends and Erik in the passenger's seat, "You can't keep a lid on me."

oOo

"Heimdall open the Bi-frost," Thor shouted at the sky as he stood in the center of the decorative design, "Heimdall…Heimdall." He turned to his buddy's and reported, "He doesn't answer."

"Then we are stranded," the Asian guy in blue replied. Darcy was pretty sure that was the first time she'd heard him speak.

"My lady," the guy with the goatee bowed, leaning into Darcy with a smile, "You are the most beautiful creature in all the nine realms."

"I'm sure you say that to all the creatures," Darcy smiled despite herself.

"My I ask you your name my lady?"

"Name's Darcy?" Darcy smirked, "And what's your name Handlebars."

"I am Fandral the dashing," he smiled.

"Oh but not narcissistic right?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Nothing," Darcy smirked, "You are pretty cute."

"It would be my desire to treat you as one does in this realm."

"Are you asking me on a date?" Darcy asked him curiously.

"Is that what Thor intends for Lady Jane?"

"I think Thor intends to give Jane the high hard one if you catch my drift," Darcy smirked before noticing the look of confusion on Fandral's face, "But you don't so…yes, he wants to take her on a date."

"Then we shall do so as well," Fandral smiled, kissing her hand all dramatically.

"Heimdall," Thor tried again, screaming loudly, "If you can hear me we need you now. Heimdall, we need you now! Heimdall!"

Suddenly the sky began to darken and the tornado began to start up again. Fandral kissed her hand once more and moved to the circle with the rest of the decorated soldiers to go home. Thor pulled Jane in close and kissed her hand but Jane had other plans, pulling him in for a lip lock instead.

Darcy smirked and thumped her friend on the back as the five disappeared in a stretch of existence.

"Enjoy that?" Darcy asked curiously.

"Shut up," Jane replied, punching her lightly on the arm. Darcy simply laughed in amusement.

* * *

"Ms. Potts?" Coulson asked curiously, the woman standing in despair at the destruction of the Malibu house.

"Oh, Agent Coulson," Pepper huffed, her hand to her heart in surprise, "I wasn't expecting you. I thought you'd gone to New Mexico. That's what Tony'd told me."

"Call me Phil," Coulson responded with a light smile, "And I _was_ there but the threat's been neutralized."

"Well Tony's out with Rodey doing some tests on the new suits while I try to assess the damage," Pepper explained, "I can give him a call if you'd like."

"That's alright," Phil replied quickly, "I was actually hoping to talk to you."

A look of confusion crossed Pepper's face before she should stop it, "Oh, um okay."

"What I'm about to tell you is strictly classified," Phil stated quickly, moving toward her with a look of nervousness that she'd never seen on the man's face before, "and Fury'd have my head if he knew; but I need to have a backup just in case."

"A backup for what?"

"In case something happens to me."

"I don't understand," Pepper questioned nervously.

"I have a daughter," he stated quickly, Pepper's face registering surprise before she quickly hid it.

"Alright."

"She's adopted," he added, taking in a deep breath for what he was about to tell her.

"There's nothing wrong with that," Pepper smiled, placing a hand gently on his shoulder.

Phil ignored her and continued, "She's 22 this year, the same age her father would have been if he'd been given custody. At the time it seemed like the best plan and I'll be honest even now I don't think he's ready."

"Some men never grow up…I mean look at Tony."

"I'm talking about Tony," Phil responded, pausing as he noticed Pepper's hand drop and her mouth begin to slack open.

"Ms. Potts?"

"I'm sorry, I think I must've heard you wrong…did you say Tony?"

"I did Ms. Potts." The woman stared at him in disbelief, but said nothing, silently urging him to explain.

"It was a one night stand and the woman in a state of despair tried abort her; the doctor's found a letter on her deceased body and called us immediately to prevent a media circus.

"Mr. Stark had just signed a contract with the department of Defense for six new super weapons and a lot of higher ups didn't want him to have any more distractions." He paused to get an idea of what she was thinking; her face was still blank but her mouth had closed, he could tell she was trying to process the information.

"I was told to turn the child over to Protective Services but I adopted her instead. She doesn't know I'm not her father and I'd prefer she never know. God knows what would happen if those two got together."

"Are they alike?" Pepper questioned curiously, finally finding her voice.

"More than you'd ever believe," Phil said with a laugh despite himself. Pepper looked at him with a hint of a smile herself.

"So what is it you want from me…Phil," Pepper asked curiously.

"I just want someone to be able to take care of her if something were to happen to me," Phil sighed, "To know that she'll still have a family."

"I understand," Pepper smiled, "And I won't tell Tony."

"Thank you Ms…..Pepper." He heard his phone buzz and quickly pulled it from his pocket with a smirk, "Speak of the Devil."

He answered the call and placed it on speaker holding it out for both to hear,

"Dad?"

"Yes Darcy."

"So, Stark's not coming to SHIELD right?"

"Why?"

"He's not coming right?" her voice sounded nervous.

"What did you do?"

"I blew up my lab," Darcy muttered embarrassed, "I was working on reverse engineering the Destroyer that Thor took care of and I'm really close to getting it stable."

"Are you okay?"

"Fine; I'll probably never grow arm hair again and I'm pretty sure that I now have an irregular heartbeat but other than that I'm good."

"Darcy, go to the infirmary."

"That's for pussies," Darcy huffed, insulted, "I just wanted to make sure Stark wasn't coming. Fury'd already told me that he'd be getting my lab if he decided to show his sorry face around here and I knew Fury'd be even more pissed if he knew that the lab we'd be giving him was now a vacant shell."

"How much damage did you do?" Phil asked in disbelief and Pepper couldn't help but look at the mess Tony had made only days before in sympathy.

"Couple million, give or take a million. Nothing SHIELD can't afford, especially once I get this Destroyer Gun thing going."

"Darcy, stop playing with explosives. I have to go; I'll be home soon."

"So you're the Pepper to Darcy's Tony aren't you?" Pepper smirked as Phil slammed his phone shut with a huff.

"You have no idea," he laughed.

* * *

**And chapter 5 is now Done...it'll be a couple days til the next update since I am almost a week behind in homework...I've spent more time on this than anything else. My programming instructor was not happy with my choice in importance. There was alot of scripting from Thor and IM2 in this chapter which was a bit more structured than I typically like but the next chapter is for the time between Thor and Avengers and then Avengers starts...and since Darcy wasn't originally in Avengers I get to put her in there in all her Snarky obnoxiousness. I'm very excited and already have some done.**

**So let me know your thoughts and I'll see you next chapter...oh and don't forget to keep voting...Darcy will be meeting the entire cast very soon.**


	6. Taser is always watching

**So we are now on the last chapter before Avengers...yay or not, that's up to you I guess. **

**All Agents are actually real Agents of SHIELD just used and manipulated by yours truly**

**Voting goes until the next chapter comes up..fyi for those interested...**

* * *

**Survival Tip #108** - Should you ever triple dog dare Clint Barton to do anything, you will be held just as accountable for the resulting consequences.

******Survival Tip #131 **- Always be mindful of clearance levels, and never assume that you know how many of them there actually are.

**Survival Tip #104** - No one aside from the director has an 'all-access pass'. No, not even Tony Stark, despite what he might claim.

**Survival Tip #116** - If you have to ask if something is allowed, you probably know the answer already.

* * *

Darcy's internship was over; well officially over as considered by the college. Darcy had considered it over the minute Thor went back to wherever it is he came from; Asgard, Jane had called it.

Once the renaissance fair had left, the destruction of the city really set in. The place was destroyed; there was no more Newsstand, no more OK furniture store, and no more Diner. The only place that seemed to be fine was SMIT's itself and without basic necessities like a Gas Station and Grocery Store, SMIT's being standing didn't mean a whole hell of a lot.

Jane hadn't really been all that with it after that anyway; throwing herself into her work more than usual. SHIELD was working to have the city rebuilt but it just wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be the same Izzy's that Thor had smashed his mug in, or the pet shop he'd strolled into to buy an animal that he could ride.

Erik had received a call only days later requesting his assistance on some research for SHIELD. He'd been hesitant but finally agreed, giving Jane his lab space in Florida to get her away from Puente Antigo. She reluctantly agreed and told Darcy that she'd write off the last two weeks of the internship and give her the credit. Darcy had felt bad for the woman but couldn't help but agree, using the extra two weeks at the college to pack up her dorm room and get ready for graduation.

She'd been encouraged to walk with the rest of her class but she'd declined. She hadn't wanted to spend the money on the cap and gown and had no idea who she'd even walk with; she wasn't really the most social person on campus.

Once her room was packed and she'd been given her diploma, Darcy was back at SHIELD with a grin. She'd missed home, even it was slightly different. The Helicarrier had been finished while she'd been gone. It hadn't gone airborne yet, it still sat on the surface of the ocean, but they were using the Underground Facility for research on some Blue Cube that Howard Stark had dug up years ago so Darcy wasn't upset to be out of the line of fire.

It seemed that they were staffing the Hellicarrier with new recruits fresh out of the academy. She didn't ask why; she didn't care. It also seemed that there were only going to be so many big wigs on the new sky ship at any time. Darcy was confused as to why first (Fury), second (Hill), and third (Coulson) in command were all permanent residents but knew better than to argue about it.

Darcy was sure that she'd stumped her newly official boss however, when she suddenly stated, "I wanna be with the other recruits." He'd been ready to hand her a manila envelope that contained her level 8 access codes, her bi-level lab, and her E Deck apartment when she'd informed him of her thoughts.

"What?" Fury asked in disbelief.

"I mean, I want all my clearance and everything but I wanna be with the rest of the new recruits. I don't want people to think that I just skipped ahead because of my family connections."

"You _did _skip ahead because of your family connections," Fury lamented flatly.

"But not just because of family connections. I also got here because I earned it."

"If you say so," Fury replied, a sly grin crossing his face.

"I need my clearance," Darcy clarified with a huff, "If only to get into my labs and do my research on that Destroyer and whatever else, but I want to be with everyone else. Just like the 'noob' that I should be."

"I think that can be arranged," Fury smirked; her badges quickly going from saying Level 8 to Level 1 and her Codename Taser disappearing from her badge completely. A memo had gone out to all those that knew her requiring that they treat her as a new recruit, though her ID still got her into every room short of Fury's office and a handful of other rooms on board.

* * *

"Oh god," Karl Janáček huffed, whispering quietly as he tried to look away but found that he couldn't.

"Problem?" Jerry Hunt smirked, nudging his buddy's shoulder curiously as they watched the two pass.

"What is your…ohhhh," Jessica Drew smiled, biting into her burger with a sly grin.

"What?" Darcy asked confused, "I don't get it."

"It's them," Jessica clarified, "Agents Barton and Romonov."

"So," Darcy shrugged, "What's the big deal?"

"SO!?" Jerry smiled, "Karl here has a little crush on the Widow."

Darcy scoffed to herself, "Good luck with that."

"Exactly," Jessica agreed, "That woman is spoken for."

"What?" Darcy coughed, trying to keep her burger down, "She's what?"

"You know," Jessica began, "Spoken for, claimed, seeing someone."

"Who?" Darcy found herself ask curiously; how dare Tash not tell her she had a boyfriend.

"Well, Barton of course," Karl sighed, depressed.

"When did this happen?" Darcy glared confused; she was going to kick their asses.

"Well it isn't confirmed," Jerry told her, "But it's a rumor going through SHIELD."

"A rumor," Darcy scoffed, "What is this High School? Why don't you just get off your lazy asses and ask them."

"You're kidding right?" Jessica responded in disbelief, "We'd rather not be stabbed."

"Or shot," Jerry added.

"Or stabbed," Karl added, earning looks from the three, "What…they're both quite stabby."

"Stabby," Darcy huffed, "I'm pretty sure that's not a word."

"Maybe not in your vocabulary," Karl pointed, "But I bet it is in theirs."

"My god you guys are pussies," Darcy huffed, "We're Agents of SHIELD and your seriously going to sit here and tell me you're that scared to go over to two fellow agents and ask something as stupid as relationship status?"

"Yes," the three concurred. Darcy stood and scoffed at them, leaving her tray in her spot and burger in hand as she made her way over to the table that was void of life save for the two of them.

"So," Darcy began casually mid-chew, "What's up?"

"Nothing," Clint responded, eyebrow raising, "I thought you didn't want anyone to know you knew us."

"I do."

"Then explain."

"I've been hearing rumors that you and Nat here are in some sort of exclusive relationship thing and I have to ask because I am going to be seriously pissed if it's true and no one bothered to tell me."

"WHAT!" Clint shouted, rising from the table, the entire cafeteria going dead silent.

"We're not," Nat clarified calmly, pulling at Clint's arm to get him to sit.

"Why are people talking about us?" Clint growled, all heads in the room quickly turning to look away.

"I don't know," Darcy shrugged, "I just wanted to know I wasn't out of the loop. Thanks guys."

Darcy smiled, finishing her burger and sitting back at her tray before responding, "So they're not…in case you weren't aware."

"You are my new hero," Karl spouted out suddenly, "Seriously."

"That was amazing," Jerry agreed, "I can't believe that just happened."

"Seriously guys; settle down. It wasn't nearly that big of a deal."

* * *

"So if it's all the same to you guys I'll take E Deck again," Darcy shrugged, eying the security roster.

"Why do you _want _E Deck?" Brady O'Brien asked curiously, "That's the deck that holds Level 6 and above. You screw up there you screw up big."

"I can handle it," Darcy rolled her eyes, "So you wanna give it to me or not."

"Well," Jeffery Parks lamented, "I guess if you want it…"

"Thanks," Darcy smiled, grabbing her bag and heading up to E Deck and checking the security check points quickly before dashing into her room and throwing her bag on the table.

"So who wants Popcorn," Darcy asked curiously from the kitchen, spotting Clint and Tasha on her couch, the TV on a solid blue screen.

"Hey Darc," Clint smiled, "Took you long enough."

"Oh hush up you," Darcy replied, throwing the bag of microwave popcorn into the microwave and leaping over the back of the couch to land between the two, "This show any good?"

"It's about a blue screen," Natasha informed her, "And it's dating another blue screen."

"Oh is it now?" Darcy smiled.

"Yup, it is," Clint collaborated, "So what are we going to watch tonight? You kept us waiting long enough." Darcy huffed and punched the man in the shoulder before replying,

"I was thinking the new Robin Hood."

"Why do you always let him watch those movies," Nat huffed, "All he does is point out all the problems with the technique. It ruins the illusion."

"Well I'm hoping that he'll shut up this time and just enjoy it," Darcy admitted.

"Well then you're in for a rude awakening," Clint smirked before scrunching up his nose in disgust, "What's that smell?"

"Oh god," Darcy sputtered, "The popcorn."

"It smells terrible," Natasha confirmed, holding her nose.

"Well sorry I can't make popcorn like a pro."

"I'd settle for you making popcorn like a normal person," Clint scoffed, "And not scorching it."

Darcy made it to the microwave quickly, only making the smell worse as she opened the door, "So who's hungry?"

"Yeah," Clint lamented, "I going back to my room so I don't pass out from the stench. You're welcome to come if you want."

"_I'm_ coming," Natasha sputtered out, quickly running behind the man.

"I'll be there in a minute," Darcy responded, "I gotta put this in the garbage and then shut off the TV and grab the movie."

"We could always watch a different movie," Natasha offered.

"I don't wanna watch porn with you guys, gross," Darcy scoffed.

"Not porn," Tasha huffed.

"So I'm gonna grab another bag of popcorn…"

"Don't you dare bring that shit in my room," Clint warned.

"But…fine. I'll grab a bag of skittles."

"No," Clint replied, "You always drop them and then you sit on them and they get all sweaty and stain my couch different colors."

Darcy growled, "Fine, then I'll grab a Butterfinger."

"No, cus you always drop the chocolate and it's the same problem as the skittles but instead of colored stains it just looks like shit stains."

"God," Darcy huffed, "Why don't you just get seat protectors like the old lady that apparently lives inside your body."

"Whatever," Clint huffed, "Now you're not welcome at all…calling me an old lady."

"Well then," Darcy huffed, trying not to laugh like Natasha was. Tasha seemingly bent in half, unable to contain her laughter.

Darcy watched them leave, still laughing while she threw away her popcorn and gabbed a bottle of Coke before throwing open the door and running straight into Fury.

"Can I help you?" Darcy asked the man who was standing in front of her door curiously.

"You can explain why you're not at your post," Fury growled out.

"I was gonna watch a movie with Clint and Tasha. I've got cameras set up on the entire floor linked to my phone and any attempt at a computer hack will have me alerted immediately. I don't need to stand at my post like a loser all night."

"Fine," Fury huffed, "What's that smell?"

"Clint burned popcorn," Darcy smirked, "Stinks right. I already yelled at him about it."

Fury grumbled to himself, something about an early grave before spouting out, "Get an air freshener in this hallway."

"Can do," Darcy shouted back with a smirk, she had everyone on E Deck wrapped around her finger.

"What are you looking at Sitwell," Darcy shouted as the bald man walked by. He simply shook his head at her and continued to walk on.

* * *

"Have you guys heard about Taser?" Wendell Vaughn muttered curiously as they stood in order for take-downs in the gym.

"Who?" Alex Pierce replied curiously from beside Darcy.

"I hear he's scarier than Barton, Romonov, and Coulson put together and he's next in line for the Director Position." Darcy perked up at that; she really was next in line for director…awesome.

"He's got this room on the E Deck, it smelled like blood in there," Wendell shivered. Darcy rolled her eyes; so she'd tripped and splashed come blood she was testing on her door on the way to her lab, did they seriously think she was torturing people in there?

"I heard he kicked Barton's ass over claim of Romanov," Jack Rollins added.

"I heard he can kill someone with one finger," Gail Runciter added, joining the conversation.

"What is he Chuck Norris?" Darcy laughed.

"Taser is no joke Darcy,"Wendell lectured, earning an eye roll from the girl, "He's Coulson's son. He's Coulson Jr."

"Coulson Jr?" she questioned with a smirk, "Lame."

"You better be careful," Gail added, nudging her warningly, "I hear he programmed the security system and he sits in his room watching everyone."

Darcy scoffed and flipped the bird to the nearest camera, " 'Coulson Jr.' can kiss my ass."

Gail's mouth dropped open, while Wendell muttered to Jack, "She'll be dead in the morning…watch."

* * *

"Hey Clint," Darcy smiled sweetly, trying to look as cute as possible.

"Should I be frightened?" Clint responded curiously, "I feel like I should be frightened."

"So the new recruits think that Coulson has some mysterious son named Coulson Jr. of all things," she paused when she noticed Clint start to snicker. He was attempting to control himself…he was failing, "And they also heard that the son, Taser, beat the crap out of you because he fancied Tasha."

"Did you say fancied…wait he beat the crap out of me?" Clint sputtered in disbelief.

"So, I was wondering if you could do me a favor…"

"And beat the crap out of the new recruits who said that," Clint replied, not much questioning in his voice.

"Well that…or…"

oOo

Darcy sat in the training room, tables set up in rows as recruits took furious notes on safety protocols and emergency maneuvers. Darcy was ignoring it; she never followed the rules anyway. Besides, her father was the one who was teaching it; that was even more of a reason not to pay attention.

"This is the last straw," Clint shouted, bursting into the room, lip bleeding, shirt torn, hair all mussed.

"Agent Barton," her father shouted in alarm, "What happened to you?"

"It was that son of yours," Clint yelled, angry now, "He's gone too far this time." The recruits were beginning to murmur amongst themselves.

"I'm tired of tiptoeing around that maniac," Clint growled annoyed.

"I'm afraid I have no idea what's going on here," Phil sputtered out, confused out of his mind.

"He beat the shit out me because I was walking with Agent Romonov. I'm sorry that we're friends and that he apparently likes her but this is too far."

"Agent Barton…" Phil started before trailing off in complete disarray.

"I'm going to the infirmary," Clint finished, "You need to have a talk with your future director." Clint then stumbled from the room and Darcy stealthily sent him a smiley face text, receiving one in return.

Coulson spun back to the group of trainees with confusion on his face until he spotted Darcy, the smile she was trying to hide being not quite hidden enough.

"Agent Lewis," Coulson stated as seriously as possible, "May I speak with you in the hall for a second."

The other agents were all frozen. Coulson didn't know the names of any of the recruits so knowing Darcy's was a bad sign. They all froze as they watched Darcy rise from her seat and follow the senior agent out into the hall.

"What was that?" he suddenly asked curiously.

"That most hilarious thing in the whole world," Darcy sputtered, the laughing coming through her attempted restraint.

"Explain…"

"I was tired of the rumors about your 'son' so I cleared them up," Darcy shrugged.

"By making people now believe them to be true," Coulson asked curiously.

"Yup," Darcy smiled, "You know they're shitting their pants in there right now," Darcy smiled, "Best training day ever."

"Whatever, get back in the room."

"I think it'd look scarier if I didn't come back, like I just disappeared."

"Do whatever, I know you're not paying attention anyway."

"Oh, I gotta go help Clint get all that liquid latex off."

"Yeah, you should probably do that."

"Love ya dad," Darcy smiled, kissing his cheek before running off down the hall.

* * *

"How's it going?" Darcy asked Jane curiously over the phone, the woman sounded like death incarnate.

"Fine," Jane sighed into the phone sadly, "I miss Thor."

"Jane…he'll come back."

"I know…I just…I just really miss him."

"I know…I'll see what I can do to get him back here."

"What can you do?" Jane responded, a slightly annoyed tone in her voice.

"Not much but I've had contact with that Coulson guy…maybe he know something."

"He doesn't know toilet paper from a bullet," Jane growled.

"That may be true," Darcy laughed in agreement, "That man can seem to make anything into a weapon. But I'll see if he knows anything."

"Well thanks," Jane replied, "Have you spoken with Erik?"

"Erik?" Darcy questioned, "He's been working with SHIELD right?"

"Yeah but you said you had contact with Coulson…"

"Yeah, no I haven't talked to Erik. Have you?"

"No I think he's really busy."

"Jane…are you sure you're gonna be okay?"

"I'm fine Darcy. I'm just tired."

"You need sleep. You should take a nap; maybe eat a meal that isn't a hot pocket or pop tart…and a shower…definitely a shower."

"Alright Darcy."

"I'm serious girl. You don't want Thor to come back to see you all stinky and panda eyed."

"I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm always right."

"Mmmm," Jane mumbled, an obvious eye roll in there somewhere, "I'll talk to you later okay."

"Sounds good," Darcy smiled, letting the older woman hang up before sighing sadly. Jane had it bad.

"Darcy?" she heard Clint question with a knock on her door.

"What?" she shouted back; the door opening to reveal the man.

"I gotta head over to the ground station to be Selvig's bodyguard with Coulson, Fury, and Hill."

"Why does Selvig need a bodyguard?"

"He doesn't really. He just feels 'uncomfortable'."

"Lame."

"Yeah, but I wasn't about to tell Fury that," Clint smirked.

"True 'Dat," Darcy grinned, "Have your phone?"

"Always," Clint smiled, patting her pants' pocket, "Oh and Tash is still on her mission but she said she had her phone too if you need anything."

"Awesome…Soooo I guess I'll see you when you get back," she smiled, standing to give the man an awkward hug. There was always a slim chance something would happen to one of them before they saw each other again; slim, but there.

"See you then," Clint responded, moving toward the door before quickly adding, "Don't blow up anything while I'm gone."

"I'm gonna blow up everything," she shouted back loudly as he moved away from her door and down the hall.

* * *

**And that was that...it was really short, I know...but I didn't want to combine it with the next short one cus it would've seemed weird since it's the beginning of the Avengers.  
**

**Oh and review and let me know what you think...your thoughts on the chapters really helps me to funnel my thoughts into what would make a good next chapter...so positive or negative...your input is very much appreciated**

**:)**


	7. Badassium

**So this is another short chapter because frankly my Captain America cards covered in Coulson's blood don't arrive at my house til tomorrow so I'm delaying writing anything with Cap until I have the collection in my hot little hand to emotionalize for Darce.**

**That and I thought it better to do it this way.**

**Also, someone mentioned to me about writing two stories...one Steve/Darcy and another one Loki/Darcy. I'd already been thinking about that myself. Change a tiny piece of one story and show how it completely would have changed the outcome. But I will write this one first and finish it, then go back and take it in a completely different direction. Does that helps any of you TaserTricks peeps who were afraid your pairing with loose? **

**So here is the very beginning of the Avengers which I honestly wrote to clear up my biggest unresolved question from the Avengers, hope it cleared up yours too.**

* * *

**Survival Tip #218** - S.H.I.E.L.D. does not believe in an inability to get done what needs done. 'Can not' is not a phrase you should have in your vocabulary.

**Survival Tip #217** - Should one of your fellow agents become compromised in some way, remain calm and follow protocol. There are multiple ways it may be resolved, and not all of them are terrible.

**Survival Tip #212** - It may be true that whatever can go wrong will go wrong, but we also follow a very important corollary to Murphy's Law. When something goes wrong, we fix it.

**Survival Tip #201** - Always be cautious around technology of uncertain provenance that S.H.I.E.L.D. happens to be studying. It lowers the odds of bad things happening.

* * *

Darcy was researching…vigorously researching and she was pissed. Nobody takes Clint and makes his eyes all blue and shit…nobody. She wasn't sure what she was doing to do but it was going to be something good and it was going to be soon.

Apparently all of this had something to do with what Fury referred to as "The Tesseract." Something that Howard Stark had fished out of the ocean. Problem was, he never got it to work; but if whatever it was could bring the enemy here, then it could probably bring Blondie too. Except that the epic ass took Barton, Selvig, and the Blue glowing box with him after he destroyed her childhood home.

Darcy sat, scouring through years and years of research on the cube only to find nothing conclusive. Howard just couldn't seem to get the damn thing to work. Darcy slammed her fist down onto the counter top furiously when she noticed a small binary file, hidden amongst the old records in the SHIELD server. Curiosity and frustration getting the better of her, Darcy fiddled with the code and finally got it open with the password, 01001111 01110000 01100101 01101110 00100000. All it meant was "Open" in binary. Yeah, it really was the lamest password ever.

Opening the file with little satisfaction, Darcy almost peed herself as she eyed the schematics. It was the design for the original arc reactor; apparently it was the closest thing that Howard could get to the cosmic cube. Since he couldn't get the cube to do anything, he apparently did the next best thing. Darcy squealed in excitement and began going over the data furiously. She was finding all the tiny flaws that wouldn't have been able to be corrected with the technology available at the time…but now, with SHIELD's resources, she could really have something here. She might really be able to make an Einstein Rosen thing-a-ma-bob. She could bring back Thor.

* * *

Darcy stood inside the server room, it was impenetrable from outside but now that she was in the local network she was having an easier time accessing the intranet drive. She'd hacked the personnel pad on the 8th floor and rode the private elevator to the research department to get into the room but now she was at the tricky part; pulling the location of the element from the schematics.

"You are not authorized to access this area," a strange robotic voice informed her harshly as her flash drive penetrated the main server at she accessed the CMD.

"What?" Darcy sputtered out confused. She'd covered all her tracks, she shouldn't have been caught…especially not this fast.

"I have alerted security and they will arrive soon to detain you," the voice told her.

"Shit," Darcy grumbled to herself angrily; she did not need this. She removed her thumb drive and fished her gear from her backpack, prepared to shimmy though the duct work.

"There's no need for that Jarvis," a new voice suddenly responded, "I'll take care of it." Darcy froze, she did not want to turn around…she did not want to turn… she felt her body more involuntarily and she was suddenly face to face with Tony Stark, "So you're Taser?"

"What?" Darcy sputtered out.

"I know your hack anywhere; it was the hardest one I've ever had to protect my system from. I was impressed when I saw your handiwork and let me tell you, I'm rarely impressed."

"Um…well thanks I guess," Darcy huffed out, "I don't feel very impressive right now."

"Well we both know my system is the most advanced in the world," Tony smirked.

"I would have to argue with that," Darcy countered with a smirk of her own.

"Where's your system running?"

"SHIELD," Darcy replied, smiling as his eyes widened ever so slightly.

"You built the SHIELD system?" Tony asked amused, "That's pretty good; wanna quit there and work for me?"

"No thanks," Darcy laughed, "I'm good."

"So why did you break in here?" Tony asked curiously looking at his watch, "I mean you could've just asked Coulson to get you whatever you needed, he was just upstairs four minutes ago."

"Coulson's here?" Darcy asked curiously, "I didn't know that."

"Yeah, apparently he and Pepper are talking about how he and his girlfriend broke up."

"He broke up with Wanda?!" Darcy asked in disbelief.

"I think she broke up with him," Tony shrugged, "You sure know a lot about Agent."

"You keep sending me off topic," Darcy huffed, "I'm here for the element you synthesized."

"Why do you want Badassium?"

"I'm sorry what?"

"My element, I call it Badassium," Tony clarified. Darcy rolled her eyes,

"I'm pretty sure you don't have the authority to name the elements."

"Have you forgotten that I'm Tony Stark?"

"Whatever, so can I have some then or not?"

"What do you want it for?"

"I need to get someone here…to help…"

"I need specifics," Tony countered.

"No you don't!"

"I do if you want some Badassium," Tony smiled.

"Stop calling it Badassium; and I need it to build a temporary bi-frost."

"A what?"

"See…that's why I didn't tell you…to build a worm-hole. An Einstein Rosen thing."

"Hmm," Tony thought aloud, his hand stroking his facial hair curiously, "Alright. You can have some as long as you give me a copy of your research after."

"Not fond of that," Darcy responded, "But I need…that Badassium shit; so fine."

Tony smiled as she said Badassium. He was going to make her say it again, he was sure of that.

"You can follow me and I can take you to its storage."

"You're just going to let me see where you keep it?"

"Well I'll be at SHIELD tomorrow bright and early screwing up your system so I figure this is the least I can do."

"You're gonna what?"

"We're here," Tony interrupted, "Stay here." She followed his instruction and stood on the sidelines as the man maneuvered his way into the room and came back with a very small, clear container holding a blue glow. It was just like the cube. This may actually work.

"Awesome," Darcy smiled, she had this.

"I know I'm awesome. But honestly, I have to say, I never get tired of hearing it."

"Not you," Darcy huffed, rolling her eyes, "Now can I have this or not?"

"No; I handed it to you so I could watch you fawn all over it just to take it away," Tony replied sarcastically.

"All you'd need is a windowless van with this inside and I'd be all up in there," she replied.

"If it was a windowless van, how would you know it was in there?" Tony countered.

"Touche," Darcy grinned, "So is Coulson still here?"

"Jarvis?"

"No sir, both Agent Coulson and Ms. Potts are now in a car toward LaGuardia Airport."

"He's not here," Tony informed her, despite her hearing the information herself, "Why; is this not approved through SHIELD?"

"Nothing I ever do is approved by SHIELD. I take the Cartman approach."

"The what?"

" 'Whatever, I do what I want'," Darcy replied, "You know, from South Park."

"I don't watch that. I'm a grown up."

"That's debatable," Darcy countered, "And I was in college."

"When? Yesterday?"

"Last year," she huffed, placing the element into her backpack.

"Headed back to SHIELD?"

"Why?" Darcy asked curiously.

"Hoping to bum a ride," Tony smiled.

"I'm headed to New Mexico, you're more than welcome to the ride though."

"That's not where the Helicarrier is."

"No shit Sherlock," Darcy scoffed, "Guess I'll see you on the Hindenburg tomorrow then?"

"Yeah," Tony smirked; she wasn't so bad; if all the SHIELD Agents was like her maybe it'd be alright.

* * *

Darcy smiled as she snapped the last wiring into place, ensuring she had enough fusion between the new element to keep the thing working and not shorting out and taking half the city with it. Once she was satisfied with her crafty work, Darcy powered it on and crossed her fingers. She really needed this god damn thing to give her something she could use; like some Gods for example.

She had originally been tempted to contact Jane, the woman had been brooding more than usual on her lack of conclusive data on bringing Thor back and Darcy couldn't help but feel bad for her. She clearly needed help from someone who didn't spend their waking hours staring at constellations but Darcy's first priority was to get Clint and Erik back. Thor and Jane's libido could last until they captured the douche that took her friends. And Darcy knew that once the love birds got back together, nothing constructive would get done.

Darcy watched in wonder as a blue beam of energy shot from the center of her device and burst into the sky. She felt her glasses pull away from her face and quickly grabbed them in desperation. She wanted to see this, whatever it was. She then began to realize that there was really no way to get him here. How would he even know what the light meant, that it was coming from Earth, and that was assuming he even saw it at all. Darcy sighed; maybe she hadn't thought this out as well as she wanted to believe.

"_Hromrull…I know you can hear me open the bifrost."_

The words were fuzzy in her head but she remembered muscles shouting that into the sky. The difference was that there was no more bi-frost so that wouldn't work. She really wished that she'd paid more attention to him rather than Fandral and his odd old fashioned compliments. But maybe Hromrull could help…no that wasn't his name. Why was she so terrible with these Nordic God names.

"A ha," she shouted excitedly, running to her backpack in the helicopter to grab the book of Children's Myths, suddenly feeling bad. Poor Erik was being mind-controlled by some schmuck and here she was running up a tab for an overdue book that the bad guy was probably in.

Pushing that thought to the side, Darcy quickly began flipping through the pages before finally landing on one that might be right…Gatekeeper. His name was…High brawl? Was that it? She continued to sound it out growing frustrated; this was not one of the languages she'd chosen to learn. Hymen? Hymen doll? Hym-doll. Hym-doll!

"Hymdoll…I know you can hear me," she said, quoting Thor, "I have created a temporary Bi-frost. I need Thor. We're in danger. Someone from Asgard is here."

"Hymdoll! I need Thor!

"Hymdoll!" She suddenly paused as lightening streaked the clear evening sky; well clear besides the Rosen thing. Darcy couldn't help but clap her hands and hop giddily. This may have actually worked. She just created an Einstein Rose. Darcy Lewis Coulson created a worm-hole.

Suddenly she heard a loud thump and watched as her reactor began to make a hissing sound, the blue light fading away. She hadn't really planned on him breaking it when he landed; all that money down the drain. Fury wouldn't be happy but at least she got the guy here. He couldn't be too mad.

The smoke around the reactor began to clear and Darcy smiled when her favorite Shakespearian Method Actor appeared atop the heap, in full cape and armor; the hammer in his hand. He groaned slightly, probably from the contact he'd made with metal and plexiglass before fumbling to a sitting position and blinking rapidly.

"Lady Darcy?" he questioned curiously.

"Hey big guy. Nice to see ya," Darcy smiled as he attempted to stand before swaying slightly.

"Your bi-frost was quite effective," Thor informed her, "It was even more powerful than ours."

"Sweet," Darcy smiled, "I just wish you hadn't busted it."

"Oh, my sincerest apologies Lady Darcy, I hadn't meant to destroy your most impressive device."

"It's cool, I should've thought the whole falling thing through a little better, live and learn and all that."

"And Lady Jane…I was under the assumption that she would greet me as well."

"Well Jane's not around right now."

"Has something happened?"

"No; nothing, don't worry…it's just…there's an Asgardian here and he kidnapped my brother...and Erik," Darcy informed him, calling Clint her brother was easier than trying to explain it all to him, she'd quickly decided. "That's why I brought you here. Jane's being left out of the loop for her own safety."

"I understand your worry. I would do anything to find _my_ brother and Selvig is a close friend. We must find them."

"Yeah, I really miss 'em and they've only been gone for two days."

"I was not aware an Asgardian had come here," Thor told her surprised.

"I don't know much but my Dad said that he came through the Tesseract and he called himself Loki."

"Loki?!"

"Yeah; you know him?"

"What was he here for?"

"Apparently to squash us…I don't know. I heard something about ants and boots."

"Loki has gone too far this time."

"That's why I called you."

"It is good you did. My brother is my responsibility."

"Your brother…Loki's your brother."

"Yes," Thor told her sadly, "But do not worry Lady Darcy. I will retrieve your brother and Selvig as well as return my brother to Asgard."

"He's killed a lot of people."

"And he will be punished for such atrocities to this land."

"You wanna ride to the Helicarrier," she asked, throwing a thumb to her copter.

"I am not familiar with the carrier of Hel but do not concern yourself Darcy, I have my own way of transport," he held up his hammer and smiled.

"See you soon," Darcy smiled, watching as he twirled the hammer above his head and lifted himself off the ground heading east. He had a hand propelled Helicopter..

Darcy watched until he vanished from sight and eyed the demolished reactor in front on her muttering, "I really don't wanna clean this up."

* * *

**So I should get my Captain America Near Mint Blood Covered Cards tomorrow and will be working on what happened since Loki is arrested and taken back to the Helicarrier where he will undoubtedly meet Darcy Lewis.  
**

**So I'd say next chapter...probably Sunday...I've got Spring Break this next week but I still have to work both jobs so it's not really spring break. None the less I do plan to get a lot of this done in that time. See you then :)**

**Oh an if anyone's curious it is now **

** Steve - 154**

** Loki - 90**


	8. The Porno

**We have now begun Avengers...it was slightly difficult to really get her in there alot because it is so fast paced but I think it work :) Sorry it's late I said Sunday and it is now Monday.**

**Let me know what cha think**

* * *

**Survival Tip #463** – 'Tony said it was okay' is not a reason to repeatedly poke Dr. Banner with any sharp objects.

**Survival Tip #316** – Do not refer to your uniforms as 'super suits'

**Survival Tip #283** – If you let Tony Stark handle your electronics, you have only yourself to blame.

**Survival Tip #370** – Referring to the Helicarrier as the Hindenburg will not earn you any friends among the crew.

**Survival Tip #266** – "Tony Stark did it!' is never an acceptable excuse.

**Survival Tip #403** – Keep your audience in mind when you make references to popular culture. Around certain blond Avengers, your efforts are probably wasted.

**Survival Tip #310** – Do not provoke Tony Stark. If you do, get control of the situation as soon as possible in any way you can, if you can.

* * *

When Darcy flew over the coordinates of the Helicarrier she felt her body stiffen in shock; she hadn't expected to find the area vacant. She glared out the window of her helicopter, slightly peeved. Who thought it was okay to send the death trap into the air without her? She had been all excited to watch the thing hoist itself into the sky all dramatic-like and she missed it because she was summoning the God for help. This was some shitty luck.

Darcy found herself sigh annoyed as she called into the craft and demanded the coordinates of their location. She'd gotten Jerry Hunt, who after his year of training had been given level 2 clearance and worked communication for the carrier.

"Jerry?" she asked curiously, "Where the hell are you guys?"

"What?" Jerry responded into the device, "Who is this?"

"Jerry its Darce. Where the hell are you guys?"

"Darcy," Jerry responded in disbelief, "Where the hell are you? How are you not on the carrier right now?"

"I had more important things to take care of, but I'm here, hovering over the empty space in the ocean where a giant ship is supposed to be and it's not here."

"Yeah, we're in the sky now."

"Thanks," Darcy sighed, "I know that. Where?"

"Here," Jerry responded, relaying the coordinates to the helicopter's computer guidance, "Now get up here. We got us some supers."

"Yeah," Darcy scoffed, "Supers."

She landed atop the flight deck carefully, the wind from the propellers of the Helicarrier had almost blown her copter upside down and she did not appreciate it. The chopper hadn't wanted to go that high up to begin with, she'd had to override almost every control just to get home; worst commute ever. She grabbed the emergency air mask from the chopper and quickly tied it down before running to the entrance hatch, between the crazy thin air and the harsh winds; she was surprised she'd make it inside at all.

"Oh hey there Tase, I was wonderin' when you'd show," Tony smirked, walking by just as she sealed the hatch, "I think I beat you." Darcy pulled the air mask from her face and grinned,

"I don't know; Thor beat you here and I had to go all the way to New Mexico to get him."

"You got Thor here," Tony replied, half stating in bewilderment, half questioning in astonishment.

"Pretty badass huh," Darcy smirked, earning a look from him.

"So you already did what Loki's trying to do with Selvig," Tony deduced, a smile crossing his features, "And with my Badassium."

Darcy shrugged, and moved toward the hallway as Tony called out, "You coming to the meeting?"

"What meeting?"

"Well we just got back from getting Loki so we're all meeting to figure out what to do with him."

"Wait you already got Loki? That seems way too easy."

"Agreed; hence the meeting."

She nodded and began to head down the hall toward Command Central until she noticed Tony linger behind, "You coming?"

"Gotta talk to Coulson first," Tony replied, "Wanna stick around and see your favorite Agent?"

"Rather not," Darcy shrugged, "I'll see you at the round table."

"I still expect notes on that thing," Tony called after her.

"Who said I took notes," Darcy called back.

She wandered down the hall to Command Central and noticed that everyone but Stark, Coulson, and Fury had already gathered, though they seemed to wandering around in a state of confusion.

She spotted some guy wearing a revamped version of the Captain America uniform standing over by the railing, staring out over the rows of computer monitors and she scoffed. Who said someone got to put on the Captain America uniform. She doubted anyone was qualified for that job ever. No one beat Steve Rogers in the awesome hero department, her dad was gonna have a fit when he found out.

Then she turned to see Thor, standing at the table beside of the chairs, obviously thinking hard. He was probably concentrating on the fact that they'd gotten Loki way to easily.

Then she eyed some guy that she identified as Banner off to the side, holding his glasses as he seemed to chew the end in contemplation. She knew he was thinking about something because she did the same thing when she was thinking hard about something. She'd done some research on Banner after her conversation with Erik all those months ago. Apparently it was a good thing she had, seeing as he stood only a few feet from her.

Finally she eyed Natasha, she hadn't seen her since she'd headed for her mission in Russia, and that was before all the shit went down with Clint. Darcy moved toward the older woman and sat in the chair beside her; no one seeming to notice her arrival anyway.

"Oh hey," Tasha said, looking toward the girl and attempting to smile; Darcy could tell it was forced and placed her hand on the woman's shoulder.

"We'll get him back Tasha," Darcy reassured.

"I was sure that this conversation would be the other way around," Natasha replied, smiling genuinely this time.

"I'm not the one hopelessly in love with him," Darcy shrugged, "Plus, I'm getting him back. No one takes my bro."

"Ahh, Lady Darcy," Thor called, a grin crossing his face as he moved toward her from where he'd been standing. She suspected that he only noticed her once he'd heard her voice talking to Nat, "I was not aware that you were coming."

"Yeah, I got here just a little bit ago. I heard you got Loki, I'm sure your happy."

"I am quite relieved, as I expect many others to be. This is glad news."

"Yeah," Darcy smiled, "It is."

"So Loki should be arriving to the cell any minute," Tasha stated, pulling up the computer to view the camera as it placed the man in green into the holding cell that Darcy had helped design for a reason the Fury hadn't wished divulge; to bad she'd found out anyway.

"In case it's unclear," Fury stated once the prisoner was secure, "You try to escape, you so much as scratch that glass; 30 thousand feet straight down in a steel trap. You get how that works: ant, boot."

"It's an impressive cage," the man admired, "Not built, I think, for me." Darcy had to admit that the man's voice was like the frosting on chocolate cake, if only he wasn't completely insane.

"Built for something a lot stronger than you," Fury agreed.

"Oh I've heard," Loki responded, turning to stare into the camera all creeper like, "The mindless beast, makes play he's still a man."

Darcy couldn't help but look to Banner as everyone else did. She noticed the way he was trying to act as though it didn't bother him…he was failing.

"How desperate are you," Loki continued, "To call on such lost creatures to defend you?"

"How desperate am I?" Fury scoffed, "You threaten my world with war, you steal a force you can't hope to control, you talk about peace, and you kill 'cus it's fun; you have made me very desperate. You might not be glad that you did."

"Ohh, it burns you to have come so close; to have the Tesseract, have power…unlimited power, and for what? A warm light for all man-kind to share? And then to be reminded what real power is."

Fury turned; the conversation clearly over as he moved from the control panel toward the door calling out, "Well let me know if real power wants a magazine or something."

Darcy scoffed, "Well he's a real charmer."

"He really grows on you, doesn't he," Banner added.

"Loki's gonna drag this out. So Thor, what's his play," fake Captain America asked curiously. Darcy couldn't have any respect for a man that stole her idol's clothes. Despite how hot he looked in them.

"He has an army called the Chitauri," Thor answered, "They are not of Asgard or any other world known. He means to lead them against your people. They will win him the earth in return I suspect for the Tesseract."

"An army…from outer space," fake Captain responded in disbelief.

"So he's building another portal," Darcy scoffed.

"That's what he needs Erik Selvig for," Bruce added, looking at Darcy with curiosity.

"Selvig?" Thor responded in disbelief. Did he seriously forget the conversation in New Mexico?

"He's an astrophysicist," Bruce informed him.

"He's a friend," Thor replied.

"Loki has him under some kind of spell," Nat informed him before adding quietly, "Along with one of ours."

"I wanna know why Loki let us take him; he's not leading an army from here," fake Cap analyzed blatantly.

"I think we should beat Loki with a twig until he tells us what we wanna know…or tase in him the balls," Darcy shared excitedly, "I volunteer to be the ball taserer."

"I don't think we should be focusing on Loki," Bruce replied, giving Darcy an odd look, "That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him."

"Have care how you speak, Loki is beyond reason, but he of Asgard, and he's my brother."

"He killed 80 people in two days," Natasha huffed.

"He's adopted," Thor admonished.

"I think it's about the mechanics, Iridium. What do they need the iridium for?" Bruce questioned curiously.

"It's a stabilizing agent," Darcy and Tony replied at the same time. Darcy whipped around to see Tony and her father enter the room all full of swag. They muttered to themselves for a second before Tony moved to command the room with his presence; winking at her to which she rolled her eyes and flipped him the bird.

"Means the portal won't collapse on itself like it did at shield," Tony continued, patting Thor on the arm as he moved past him, "No hard feelings Pointe Break, you got a mean swing."

"He can also have it open as long and as wide he wants," Darcy added, to which Tony nodded and her father looked over at her curiously. She had the urge to hug the man seeing as she hadn't seen him in over 6 months. But in the room of seriousness, Darcy wasn't gonna be that loser; she also wasn't gonna be the one to give herself away after covering up her parentage among the agents of SHIELD all this time.

"Raise the vistimast…Take the top down," Tony replied as he eyed the enormous blank space ahead of him that wasn't being used for a monitor.

"Yeah, Fury didn't want one there…" Darcy scoffed, "Said it was a waste of money and he didn't want the wrong Clearance Level seeing what he was doing."

"What a waste of space," Tony huffed, "I mean look, that man is playing Galaga; thought we wouldn't notice but we did." Darcy turned to spot who he was indicating and spotted Wendell Vaughn hurriedly trying to minimize it. She was gonna get him for that one later.

"How does Fury even see these?" Tony pondered aloud, covering an eye in disdain.

"He turns," Maria replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Sounds exhausting," Tony huffed, finally touching the panels as he continued to spout, "Rest of the raw materials I'm guessing Barton can get his hands on pretty easily. Only major component he still needs is a power source of high energy density; something to kick start it."

"When did you become an expert in Thermonuclear Astrophysics?" Maria asked curiously.

"Last night. Packet, Selvig's notes, the extraction theory paper; am I the only one that did the reading?"

"Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?" fake Cap asked curiously. She was gonna pound that guy into the cement later and rip the uniform from his body…yeah, that's what she was gonna do!

"He'd have to heat the cube to 120 million Kelvin just to break through the cooling barrier," Banner noted aloud.

"Unless Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum humming effect," Darcy countered; knowing Selvig and the cube, he probably already did.

"Well if he could do that then he could achieve ion fusion with any reactor on the planet," Bruce batted back, Darcy nodding in approval.

"Finally, people who speak English."

"Is that what just happened?" fake Cap asked confused.

"It's good to meet you Doctor Banner," Tony smiled, going to shake the man's hand with a grin, "Your work in anti-electron collisions is unparalleled and I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster."

"Thanks," Bruce responded unsure.

"And you," he said, pointing to Darcy accusingly, "With you bringin' back Game of Thrones here, I'm expecting your help on how to keep Loki from getting his own operational."

"Wait," Natasha responded in disbelief, "You're the one who got Thor?"

"Someone had to," Darcy shrugged, "I wasn't about to let Transgender Wednesday Addams take Clint and not do something about it."

"Dr. Banner is only here to track the cube, I was hoping you might join him," Fury spouted to Tony as he came into the area before turning to Darcy, "And you; why was I not informed about your plan of getting Thor?"

"Cus' it involved breaking into Stark Tower to get materials and I wasn't 100% sure that it was even gonna work," Darcy huffed.

"You broke into Stark Tower?" her father asked, moving from the railing in disbelief.

"Yeah," Darcy shrugged, "Met Tony. He's cooler than I thought; less of an ass."

"Thanks I guess," Tony scoffed.

"I'd start with that stick of his, it may be magical but it works an awful lot like a hydra weapon," fake Cap noted.

"I don't know about that," Fury replied, "But it is powered by the cube and I'd like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys."

"Monkeys…I don't understand…." Thor questioned confused.

"I do," Fake Cap suddenly shouted out excitedly. Darcy felt herself roll her eyes in annoyance and turned to realize that Tony had done the same. "I…I understood that reference."

"Shall we play," Tony questioned aloud, turning to Bruce and then Darcy in turn.

"Onward," Darcy spouted, pointing skyward.

"What do you have left of your Einstein Rosen Bridge?" Tony asked curiously as they began to make their way from the room.

"Einstein is no more," Darcy huffed, "Pointe Break broke it."

"Disappointing," Tony sighed.

"Yeah, I don't think Uncle Nick will be all too pleased," Darcy shrugged, moving ahead of the group, "Should've thought about landing placement and all that."

Tony and Bruce turned to look at each other as the girl continued on oblivious, the two questioning in unison, "Uncle Nick?"

* * *

"The gamma reading is definitely consistent with Selvig's reports from the Tesseract, but it's gonna take weeks to process," Bruce noted disappointingly.

"If we can bypass their mainframe, and direct route to the Homer cluster we can clock this around 600 teraflops," Tony noted from his briefcase computer.

"All I packed was a toothbrush," Banner jokingly replied.

"That's okay Doctor," Darcy smiled to him, "We have everything, Tony just doesn't know where it all is or what's required to access it."

"And I don't wanna take the time to figure it out," Tony countered, "Besides Bruce; you should come by Stark Tower sometime. Top ten floors all R & D, you'd love it; it's Candyland."

"Thanks," Bruce smirked, "But the last time I was in New York, I kinda broke…Harlem."

"Well I promise a stress free environment, no tension, no surprises," Tony smiled, coming around his back with a tool to suddenly jolt the man with electricity then turning to stare hard at him curiously, waiting to see a reaction.

"Ow!"

"Hey," a voice belonging to fake Cap called out annoyed.

"Nothin?" Tony asked, still eying Banner curiously.

"Keep pokin' the bear," Darcy sighed, going back to her computer with a huff, "You aren't gonna get Yogi."

"Are you nuts?" Fake Cap grumbled out to Tony.

"Jury's out," Tony replied before turning back to Bruce, "You really have got a lid on it haven't you. What's your secret? Mellow Jazz, Bongo Drums, Huge bag of weed?"

"There better not be secret weed in here that I don't know about…" Darcy replied with a glare.

"Is everything a joke to you two?" Fake Cap questioned with disdain.

"Funny things are," Tony replied flatly.

"Sometimes even things that aren't funny," Darcy added with a smile.

"Threatening the safety on everyone on this ship isn't funny or responsible," Fake Cap lectured, "No offense, Doc."

"No it's alright. I wouldn't have come aboard if I couldn't handle pointy things."

"Yeah, he's fine Captain Buzz Kill," Darcy huffed.

"You're tip-toeing, big man, you need to strut," Tony informed him, waving the pointy prod in his direction.

"And you need to focus on the problem, Mr. Stark."

"You think I'm not? Why did Fury call us in? Why now, why not before? What isn't he telling us? I can't do the equation unless I have all the variables."

"You think Fury's hiding something?" Fake Cap questioned interested.

"_Hells_ yeah he is," Darcy informed fake Steve, spinning in her chair, "I have known that man my whole life and I can say for sure that he's hiding something…I mean he's always hiding _something_, but I can tell that he's specifically hiding something about this."

"He's a spy," Tony added, nodding his head to Darcy in agreement, "Captain, he's thee spy. His secrets have secrets." Tony popped a Blueberry and pointed over his shoulder to Banner, "It's bugging him too, isn't it?"

"Uhh, Aah, I just wanna finish my work here and…"

"Doctor?" fake Cap questioned curiously. Darcy hitting Tony's arm until he moved the bag of blueberries to her reach.

"'A warm light for all mankind,' Loki's jab at Fury about the Cube," Bruce informed him, quickly.

"I heard it."

"Well I think that was meant for you," Bruce stated, turning to Tony, "Even if Barton didn't tell Loki about the tower it was still all over the news."

"I doubt Clint even knew much about the tower. He frankly has bigger concerns than what Stark is doing," Darcy shrugged, shoveling Blueberries into her mouth like she was starving.

"The Stark Tower?" fake Cap questioned curiously, "That big ugly…" he paused as Tony glared at him before continuing, "…building in New York?"

"It's powered by an arc reactor; self-sustaining energy source. That building will run itself for, what, a year?" Bruce questioned curiously.

"It's just the prototype. I'm kind of the only name in clean energy right now," Tony informed the man in blue, "That's what he's getting at."

"So why didn't SHIELD bring him in on the Tesseract project? What are they even doing in the energy business in the first place?" Bruce proposed curiously.

"I should probably look into that as soon as my decryption program finishes breaking into all of SHIELD's secure files," Tony noted, seemingly to himself.

"I'm sorry did you say…" fake Steve questioned, frustrated.

"JARVIS has been running it since I hit the bridge. In a few hours I'll know every dirty secret SHIELD had ever tried to hide. Blueberry?"

"Yet you're confused about why they didn't want you around?"

"An intelligence organization that fears intelligence? Historically, not awesome."

"Just so you know Tony," Darcy smiled conniving, "I know you're hacking us, I've been getting alerts on every file you're overriding; I can stop you anytime I please."

"And you're not?" fake Steve questioned in disbelief.

Darcy scoffed, "I'm a bit curious myself. I've gotten a bit complacent in the last year and I haven't bothered to look into the Tesseract program so I kinda wanna know what they're doing too. So rather than open the files myself, I'll let Tony do it. That way I can take no blame and fake the whole, 'He's so good I just didn't stand a chance' thing."

Fake Cap glared at her but replied, "I think Loki's trying to wind us up. This is a man who means to start a war and if we don't stay focused he'll succeed. We have orders, we should follow them."

"Following's not really my style," Tony countered, Darcy adding an,

"Agreed."

"And you two are all about style aren't you," Steve glared, eying the two.

"Awww yeah," Darcy shouted, high fiving Tony with a smirk as he added,

"Out of the people in this room, which one is "A" wearing a spangly outfit and "B" not of use?"

"Burn," Darcy pointed, a look of confusion crossing his face.

"Steve, tell me none of this smells a little funky to you?" Bruce questioned honestly. Darcy paused; wait this fake Steve's name was Steve too. How'd they find another guy named Steve to put on the outfit? Odd.

"Just find the Cube," Steve the fake Steve, grumbled, leaving the room quickly before getting all lost just inside the hallway before wandering away. Like Darcy was going to follow orders from little lost Fauntleroy.

"That's the guy my dad never shut up about?" Tony huffed, "Wondering if they shouldn't have kept him on ice."

"Wait what?" Darcy sputtered out in confusion.

"What do you mean what?" Tony questioned slightly confused.

"So he's thee Steve Rogers…the original Captain America?"

"Yeah?" Tony replied questioningly, "What you thought it was just a new Cap?"

"Yeah!"

"You work for SHIELD and you didn't even know that they unthawed the Capsicle."

"Now I'm pissed," Darcy grumbled, "Why is no one telling me anything? This is bullshit. That dude was my idol growing up and I just treated him like shit."

"Ehh, oh well. I mean who cares?" Tony shrugged.

"That guy's my Dad's hero."

"Apparently he's Coulson's too," Tony smirked, "Guy even helped design the new spangle-wear. He's also been following the guy around with his collector cards trying to get him to sign them."

"Da…Coulson would pee his pants if he did," Darcy smiled, before frowning again, "Now I'm even more pissed though. Coulson knew and didn't tell me."

"Maybe you didn't have clearance," Banner shrugged, always the voice of reason.

"I outrank him," she growled, storming from the room.

* * *

Darcy found her father at Command Central but found him there with Thor, giving him the 411 about Jane. Darcy had heard that they'd moved the woman to Tromsø and she arrived in time to hear Thor say,

"…better as they were. We pretend on Asgard that we're more advanced, but we…we come here battling like Bildschneip."

"Like what?" her father asked curiously.

"Bildschneip. You know; huge, scaly, big antlers. You don't have those?"

"Don't think so."

"Huh! Well they are repulsive, and they trample everything in their path," he stopped at the large window that looked out over the sky, "When I first came to earth, Loki's rage followed me here and your people paid the price; and now again. In my youth I courted war."

"War hasn't started yet," Fury stated, "You think you can make Loki tell us where the Tesseract is?"

"I do not know. Loki's mind is far afield, it's not just power he craves, it's vengeance upon me. There's no pain would prise this need from him."

"A lot of guys think that, until the pain starts," Fury countered.

"What are you asking me to do?" Thor replied curiously.

"I'm asking; what are you prepared to do?"

"Loki is a prisoner," Thor answered.

"Then why do I feel like he's the only person on this boat that wants to be here?"

"Cus he's got the room with the best view," Darcy suggested, earning a glare from the Director.

"Darcy," Thor smiled, grabbing her into a big hug, "Have I said how happy I am to see you again?"

"You may have mentioned it once or twice," Darcy replied, weakly, "You gotta put me down before I puncture a lung."

"Many apologies Lady Darcy," Thor replied, "I am just so glad that you were able to bring me here to help."

"Yeah," her father glared, "Don't think we won't be talking about that."

"Well you know what," Darcy huffed, "I'm mad at you too. You seriously weren't gonna tell me that they unthawed Cappy and he was all wandering around in a suit that you designed for him; I mean this is like your Fanboy wet dream."

"That's enough Darce, seriously," her father replied, embarrassed, "I haven't seen you in so long I just never really thought about it."

"Tony told me you're trying to get him to sign your cards."

"I am; he hasn't yet," Coulson replied.

"How are Tony and Banner coming along?" Fury questioned curiously.

"Well they think you hiding something from them and I assured them that…yes you are. That seemed to satisfy them for now I think."

"So how far are they?"

"I don't know but they're coming along."

"And are you of much assistance?"

"I think so," she shrugged, "Why?"

"Because otherwise I wanted you to interview Loki with Natasha."

"Nah she can do better without me," Darcy scoffed before adding, "Can I go first though?"

"I'd really rather you didn't do it at all," Coulson replied.

"I agree," Thor added.

"I'll see what I can get from him all bothered Tasha goes, I just need to stop by my room first."

"Why?" Fury asked curiously.

"To get some magazines."

* * *

Darcy smiled as she moved into the room with the pretty glass walls inside, the man noticing her instantly; IPod in her ears and Sail by Awolnation blasting on repeat as she made her way into the room, stack of magazines in her arms.

He grinned conniving at her but she ignored him, continuing until she was at the entrance to his cell, flopping down on the floor and sitting Indian style in front of the glass panel, music continuing to blast.

"You are quite a careless mortal aren't you?"

The music continued to rumble and she didn't hear him. Now his smirk of superiority was turning into a glare of anger.

"If you came in here you must want to talk to me; try to understand me?"

The music still blared on as she began to go through the stack carelessly, setting them down beside her as she glanced through the pictures curiously.

"Pay attention when I'm talking to you," he shouted angrily, pounding on the glass in annoyance. She glanced up at that, raising an eyebrow curiously as she moved the ear bud from said ear.

"Were you talking to me?"

"I was; I expect you to listen."

"Then you expect way too much, Darcy scoffed, "I have a very low listening threshold F-Y-I, but don't worry. I'm here to keep you company."

"I do not require your company. Leave me."

"Nah," Darcy shrugged, "I brought you magazines; how would you read them if they're out here and you're in there?"

"You could always bring them in here to me."

"I could," Darcy shrugged, "But I won't." She turned to the first in the stack curiously, holding it up for him to see, "This is Aviation Week & Space Technology, then I've got Electronic Design, IEEE Wireless Communications, Biotechnology and Bioprocess Engineering, and International Journal of Fracture." She paused to look up at him; he was simply staring at her curiously, trying to figure her out. Good luck with that.

"No to all those…seriously? Okay I do have others, hold on, I snagged some from some of the other Agents…let's see here, I've got a Vogue; you look like you care about your looks…"

He stared at her flatly, "So no to that too then, let's see here, how about a Vanity Fair…those have a lot of scandals and stuff I think…still no?"

"I snagged some porn from Barton's room if you want that…I don't feel super comfortable holding it up to the glass window but unless your alien anatomy is crazy different from ours, you don't have anything I haven't seen before…so."

"I don't want you stupid magazines!" he glared angrily.

"Well _sorry_," Darcy huffed, gathering the magazines back into a pile, "I try to be nice and you're a big ol' asshole."

"I know everything there is to know about you Darcy Lewis," he said, grinning menacingly.

"Wow, then you're the only one cus' I don't think that anyone knows everything about me. I mean I don't even know everything about me so that's gotta mean something right?"

"Your chatter is annoying," he glared.

"Well excuse me," Darcy scoffed, "You know you're not the best company either."

"Why are you so trouble-some?"

"I don't know. Lady Gaga says that I was born this way. I just take her word for it."

"You are confusing and hard to follow."

"That's what my eleventh grade English teacher said when he tried to fail me," Darcy replied, "I dyed his hair pink."

"You are rather interesting for all your annoyance," Loki analyzed, "And once I have killed everyone you hold dear I will come for you and watch you draw your last breath."

"If you kill me, who is going to show you these magazines?" Darcy questioned, wiggling the porno around in front of herself unperturbed.

"Do you not understand the predicament?" he questioned in disbelief.

"You mean the predicament where I'm out here with music and magazines and you're in there in a glass room with no chair or bed or place to shit…yeah, I'm pretty aware of the predicament and yours is a hell of a lot worse than mine."

"When, not if, when I get out of here, I will be coming for you."

"I look forward to seeing your bright and shining face," Darcy smiled, "But until then do you want me to leave some of these here, open to some articles or anything?"

"No," he growled angrily.

"Suit yourself," Darcy shrugged, throwing her ear bud back in and gathering the magazines before heading down the steps and from the room a grin on her face the entire way.

She stepped outside of the door only to run into the not so fake Captain America. The magazines she was carrying scattering throughout the hallway at the collision. He froze muttering an apology as he bent down to pick them up before suddenly stopping in disbelief.

"Sorry," Darcy sighed, "I didn't see you there I was just; I mean I…what?" She paused seeing him stare at her in disbelief.

"What are you doing with this?" he asked holding up a magazine.

"What it's a…ohhh," she sputtered, trying not to laugh at the Captain holding the Hustler in shock, "If it helps, it's not mine. I'm just borrowing it from a friend; wow that sounded like drug bust. I was just trying to entertain Loki with some magazines."

"You shouldn't be entertaining him; you shouldn't even be in there."

"I think I rattled him a little bit; that's something, right," Darcy said before pausing, "Look, I wanna apologize for earlier, I honestly didn't know you were the real Captain America. I thought you were a guy wearing a redone version of his suit and it pissed me off so I gave you a hard time. It was just really hard seeing someone take over the job that belonged to my hero. I mean I had posters of you in my room all my life. When I'd go to sleep sometimes I'd have sexual fantasies that you were…" she stopped herself, quickly coughing to cover up her lack of a filter. He seemed to catch most of it though, if the blush hitting his face was any indication.

"I mean hi, my name is Darcy…Darcy Lewis."

"Hi," Steve responded, the blush slowly dying away as he held his hand out to shake hers, "Steve Rogers."

"I know," Darcy smiled, "And I would like to officially apologize for earlier."

"It's not a problem ma'am. I can understand where you're coming from."

Darcy grinned and pulled the last of the magazines into the pile and up into her arms, standing and turning to head back to her room to begin distributing these magazines back to their owners.

"Need any help?" he asked curiously.

"No, I got it, thanks though," Darcy smiled, nodding her head as a wave since her hands were so full. He smiled, and continued to his original destination down the hallway.

Darcy smiled, remembering the way he blushed, she was going to make it her goal to see how many more times she could get him to do that; she was going to ignore however, how cute she noticed he looked when his face was red.

* * *

**And that was that...I shall see you again very very soon...hint hint hint. :)**


	9. They're Near Mint

**So it took a little longer than I'd planned but here it is...this one isn't funny...just sad but I did a lot of research and as far as I can tell it's cannon so that's the way its gonna be :)**

* * *

**Survival Tip #202** - Never assume that one of our personnel being very well known for one specialty precludes their having talent in other areas.

**Survival Tip #187** - S.H.I.E.L.D.'s missions can get a bit complicated. The best thing to do is try not to get in your own way, which will make them even more so.

**Survival Tip #197** - Please consult your intake handbook for the list of ways to most easily tell if a fellow operative is under the influence of mind control and always keep that list in mind.

* * *

Darcy had delivered her magazines back to their true owners and was now back in her lab; well her, Tony, and Banner's lab. The two had continued their work while she'd been off being smooshed by one God then yelled at by another. But she was back and listening to her music with one ear bud in while she played on her tablet, checking the status reports and updates from Command Central.

"Uhh Tony?" Darcy questioned curiously from her spinning chair, tapping along on her tablet furiously.

"What?" he asked from his makeshift seat on top of the table, picking curiously through the hacked data on his monitor.

"Your hack got traced; all of SHIELD is being alerted to it right now."

"Oh well," Tony shrugged, "That just means we'll get to ask Fury about it in person."

"Yeah, Fury's not going to be happy about any of this, and he's going to take it out on me."

"You're damn right I am," the man huffed angrily, "Isn't it your job to keep people from getting our sensitive information?"

"Well I've got a lot of jobs; I mean who's to say that I didn't end up slacking just a tiny bit in this hectic time."

"Your job is to remain loyal to SHIELD; it looks to me like your being loyal to Stark."

"Yeah right," Darcy scoffed, waving her hand in front of her face, "I was curious about what was going on around here lately too. I've been so busy in new recruit training that I've gotten behind in my Intel. I figured if Tony hacked it, I wouldn't have to; birds and stones and whatnot."

"We're all kind of wondering what you've been up to," Tony added.

"Your job is to locate the Tesseract," Fury glared.

"We are, the model's locked and we're sweeping for the signature now. When we get a hit, we'll have the location within half a mile," Banner replied with a slightly self-satisfied smirk.

"And you'll get your cube back, no muss no fuss," Tony added.

"See Uncle Nick, we've got everything under control. We might as well do a little light reading while we wait," Darcy smiled innocently.

"Speaking of light reading," Tony added, "What is Phase Two 'Uncle Nick'?" Darcy snickered at the way Tony said Uncle Nick while Fury simply growled under his breath. Darcy stopped smiling and looked up quickly to spot Steve come into the room angrily, throwing down some cool ass gun on the table all dramatic-like.

"Phase Two is SHIELD uses the Cube to make weapons," Steve angrily reported, before turning to Tony, "Sorry, computer was moving a little slow for me."

"Rogers, we gathered everything related to the Tesseract. This does not mean that we're…" Fury began before Darcy interrupted, eyebrows knotted as she jumped from the chair to examine the device on the table,

"No, I've been working with this stuff to redesign it. Don't lie to the person who's doing the work."

Tony pulled up the design schematics, spinning the monitor around for her to see, "I believe that is your signature."

"That it is," Darcy agreed, turning to glare at the man in leather.

"I was wrong Director," Steve glared, "The world hasn't changed a bit."

Darcy turned as she heard the high-heeled clack of footsteps to spot Thor and Tasha come in; Natasha seeming to analyze the situation nervously. Maybe her conversation with Loki hadn't gone well.

"Did you know about this?" Banner seemed to ask her curiously.

Natasha didn't answer his question though; instead asking the question, "You wanna think about removing yourself from this environment, doctor?"

Banner seemed to laugh unamused and Darcy realized that the conversation with Loki hadn't gone well; the way Nat was standing showed that she was worried about something, but what? "I was in Calcutta, I was pretty well removed."

"Loki's manipulating you," Nat informed him, the idea catching Darcy by surprise. She hadn't realized that he could manipulate people just willy nilly. She figured he needed to be near them…or at least have his cane of magic.

"And you've been doing what exactly?" Banner responded, his voice indicating clear frustration.

"You didn't come here because I bat my eyelashes at you," Nat responded. She was not helping to diffuse the situation though it seemed that no one wanted to interrupt the train wreck in progress.

"Yes, and I'm not leaving because suddenly you get a little twitchy. I'd like to know why SHIELD is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction."

"Because of him," Fury finally spouted out, pointing to Thor. He seemed to stop the train, though with Fury he may have just been adding more coal.

"Me?" Thor questioned bewildered.

"Last year earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge match that leveled a small town. We learned that not only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly…hilariously, out gunned."

"My people want nothing but peace with your planet."

"What about Loki?" Darcy questioned, earning raised brows from the room.

"Exactly and even considering him you're still not the only people out there, are you? And you're not the only threat. The world's filling up with people who can't be matched, they can't be controlled."

"Like you controlled the cube?" Steve questioned sarcastically.

"Your work with the Tesseract is what drew Loki to it, and his allies. It is the signal to all the realms that the earth is ready for a Higher Form of War," Thor ground out frustrated.

"A higher form?" Steve questioned bewildered.

Fury huffed, "You forced our hand. We had to come up with some…"

"Nuclear deterrent," Tony replied, "Cause that always calms everything right down."

"Let's settle down guys," Darcy huffed, seeing this getting out of control already.

"Remind me again how you made your fortune, Stark?" Fury replied.

"I'm sure if he still made weapons, Stark would be neck deep…" Steve stated only to be interrupted but the man in question,

"Wait…wait. Hold on. How is this now about me?"

"I'm sorry," Steve countered, "Isn't everything?"

"Why don't we go have a snack, some ice cream," Darcy suggested only to be ignored.

"I thought humans were more evolved then this?" Thor questioned rhetorically.

"Excuse me, did we come to your planet and blow stuff up?" Fury countered.

"Tis your champion."

"You're not my champion," he shouted.

"Are you boys really that naïve? SHIELD monitors potential threats," Tasha butted in, only making things worse it seemed.

"And Captain America is on the threat poll?" Banner questioned.

"We all are," Natasha replied.

"You furious?" Tony questioned, "I'm furious."

"That's not your concern doctor?" Fury added, turning to Banner.

"You're on that list?" Tony asked Steve curiously, "Are you above or below angry bees?"

"I swear to God, Stark, one more crack…" Steve replied, his teeth clenched.

"You're a threat," Tony replied, "Verbal threat. I feel threatened."

"Show some respect," Steve huffed.

"Respect what!" Tony shouted.

"Guys quit it, you sound like children," Darcy hollered, still being ignored, seriously?

"Yeah man, handle me now, that'll be good," Bruce observed.

"You speak of control, yet you court chaos!" Thor lectured Fury.

"It's his MO, isn't it? I mean, what are we, a team? No, no, no. We're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're…we're a time bomb," Bruce replied.

"You need to step away," Fury countered.

"Why shouldn't the guy let off a little steam?" Tony questioned.

"You know damn well why!" Steve grumbled, "Back off!"

"This is what Loki's wants…for us to fight," Darcy sputtered desperately, apparently on deaf ears.

"Oh, I'm starting to want you to make me," Tony challenged. Darcy's hand going to her head, a headache quickly forming from annoyance, maybe this whole arrangement was a huge mistake.

"Yeah, big man in a suit of armor; take that off, what are you?" Steve questioned angrily.

"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist."

"I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself," Steve lectured, "You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you."

"I think I would just cut the wire," Tony replied. Apparently he was Captain Kirk taking the Kobayashi Maru.

"Always a way out? You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero."

"A hero, like you? You're a laboratory experiment, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle."

"Put on the suit, let's go a few rounds."

"You people are so petty," Thor countered with a laugh, "and tiny."

"Yeah, this is a team," Bruce huffed.

"Agent Romanoff," Fury ordered quickly, "Would you escort Dr. Banner back to his…"

"WHERE? YOU RENTED MY ROOM!" Banner responded, his voice rising.

"The cell was just…"

"IN CASE YOU NEEDED TO KILL ME. BUT YOU CAN'T, I KNOW, I TRIED!" He shouted; the room suddenly quiet. Darcy felt herself give up, moving to the computer to check on the tracker, "I got low. I didn't see an end so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out. So I moved on, I focused on helping other people. I was good until you dragged me back into this freak show and put everyone here at risk. You wanna know my secret, Agent Romanoff? You wanna know how I stay calm?"

"Doctor Banner, put down the scepter," Steve stated trying to keep his voice even. Darcy glanced through the computer monitor to see that the man was in fact holding Loki's cane of magical doom; this couldn't be good. She looked away quickly, noticing that the computer had latched onto the coordinates of the cube.

"We got it, we got a location!" Darcy shouted, thankful for the distraction.

"Sorry, kids," Banner huffed, moving toward her, the stick back on the table, "You don't get to see my party trick after all."

"Located the Tesseract?" Thor questioned loudly.

"Yeah, we've got it," Darcy smiled, moving over to give Dr. Banner some room as he moved to analyze the data. She was not about to get in that man's way. She glanced toward Natasha as she moved to stand beside her.

"I can get there faster," Tony spouted, causing Darcy to sigh; were they really gonna start this all over again?

"The Tesseract belongs on Asgard, no human is a match for it," Thor countered.

"You're not going alone!" Steve lectured Tony, has hand going to grab the man's arm.

"You gonna stop me?" Tony replied, batting the hand away angrily.

"Put on the suit, let's find out!" Steve challenged.

"I'm not afraid to hit an old man," Tony replied, his eyes narrow.

"Put on the suit," Steve repeated, angrier than before.

"Oh my god," Bruce huffed, pulling the glasses from his face. Darcy moved to look over his shoulder, her own eyes widening, the locator indicated that the cube was in New York.

Suddenly the room exploded; Darcy taking cover behind the table though it didn't seem to help as the blast took Bruce, Nat, and herself through a newly created hole and down into one of the lower decks.

Darcy huffed at the surprise of the fall more than the pain; not needing to put in much effort to get the metal wreckage off of herself. She knew her arm was broken but at least the adrenalin was keeping the pain at bay.

"We're okay," Natasha called into her earpiece as she looked the situation over. Then they heard the odd grunting sound coming from Bruce and turned curiously, her statement becoming the question, "We're okay, right?"

Darcy moved, careful of the arm and tried to move the pipe from her friend's leg. "This is surprisingly heavy for a one armed person," Darcy huffed annoyed, trying everything to move the pipe to no avail. She kept half an eye on the man over in the corner, grunting and huffing. Darcy knew what was coming.

"Tash, I don't think I can lift this," Darcy grunted, annoyed at her lack of use.

"It's okay Darce," Nat said, forcing a smile, "Go up and get someone." Darcy winced at the idea of leaving the woman with the possible rage monster, but the woman pivoted her body just enough to place a hand on her shoulder, "Go. Go get help."

Darcy nodded, standing and running from the area and up to the higher decks to find someone; hearing Nat mutter as she ran, "Bruce you gotta fight it."

She found two workers in waders repairing damage not far away and quickly informed them that Black Widow was trapped and where she was. The men ran in the direction she'd come from and Darcy sighed, where would she be of use, probably Command Central. Darcy sighed, holding her limp arm close to her body and running toward the stairs to make it up top, hearing a low pitched growl that sent shivers down her spine…Hulk.

* * *

Darcy stood in Command Central beside Fury on his ledge, helping him to analyze the damage on the ship, "Lower Hanger Bay."

Fury nodded, informing a passing Maria, "We need full Evac on the Lower Hanger Bay." The woman nodded in response, heading toward the door when she froze, calling out,

"Grenade."

Darcy covered her face with her one good arm on instinct while Fury pulled his gun and moved to the wall. Darcy needed to start carrying her issued firearm, despite her father and Clint's belief that she would discharge it into her thigh. She fell to the floor and rolled off the ledge, hitting the ground on her bad arm but feeling nothing, probably not the best sign. Seeing an Agent still at his post beside her fallen position, Darcy reached her hand to his leg and pulled the gun from it, if he hadn't pulled it by now he wasn't comfortable enough with it to pull it at all.

Maria took the last guy of the wave but it seemed that there were more on the way and Darcy took aim at the corridor, firing with Fury and Maria at the Agents in fake SHIELD gear as they attempted to make their way into Central.

"We have the Hulk and Thor on research level 4, levels 2 and 3 are gone," the intercom told the room; many of the Agents moving to the bay window for cover while Darcy continued to fire at the enemy, refusing to be useless in this.

"Sir the Hulk will tear this place apart," Maria called out desperately.

"Get his attention," Fury replied, not pausing in his shooting.

Maria lowered her weapon slightly, pressing her hand into her earpiece and calling out, "Escort 6-0, proceed to Wishbone and engage hostile. Don't get too close."

Darcy moved toward Maria and Fury standing beside them to shoot at the men who attempted to penetrate Central. They weren't succeeding in getting through, they needed a new plan and she was sure that if they were being directed by Loki then they probably had one.

"They are not getting through," Fury began to mutter to himself, apparently having the same thoughts she had been having moments before, "So what the…"

A sudden explosion went off behind her and she turned to see a few agents flung away by the force. She let her head sink into her shoulders, startled, but continued fire as the Agents attempted to come into the room. She heard more explosions behind her and turned just in time to follow the view of an arrow strike the computer input base, Clint.

Darcy jumped to her feet, dropping the gun without a second thought and running to the computer, catching a glimpse of Fury firing up at him as she ran past. She stopped at the console and quickly pulled the arrow from the machine, though the damage was already done. She was really going to have to work to get this down. She'd designed the arrow herself only a couple years before. It was made simply to wipe out information. It had no override protocol safety switch.

Darcy began to vigorously tap the screen in frustration, trying various detonation codes that seemed to be instantly rejected by the virus. She huffed to herself, uploading a virus of her own from her tablet and quickly beginning work. This was going to take a while.

'Malfunction, Engine 1 Power Loss,' the monitor flickered, powering down while Darcy frantically tried to keep it active.

"Engine one is now in shutdown," the intercom reported.

"Sir, we've lost all power in Engine one," Kelso reported alarmed.

"I'm working on getting it back but it'll take time," Darcy shouted, frantically pounding code rewrites into her virus to counteract the shutdown bug as Sitwell moved to stand beside her and assist. Fury huffed angrily, shouting into the earpiece, "Its Barton, he took out our systems. He's headed for the detention lab. Does anybody copy?"

Darcy seemed to get the system running just as the alert that the Cell had been released came in. "Loki's Cell is in free fall," Darcy shouted, turning her head to Fury. He nodded, shot one more enemy Agent and moved to his computer to analyze what has happening within the Cell Block before running from the room and presumably to said room.

oOo

Darcy sat beside Maria, getting her arm treated by the EMT, satisfied with her performance under pressure when Maria suddenly stiffened, her arm going up to block the man attempting to patch the area around her eye, her other hand pressing her earpiece closer as if she was having trouble hearing.

"What is it?" Darcy asked curiously, the woman turning to look at her sadly, "What happened? Maria?"

* * *

Darcy sat between Tony and Steve; she was having trouble breathing and her body was shaking lightly as Fury moved to the table. No one was looking at each other and Fury seemed to be fascinated by something in his hands. Darcy felt her heart beat erratically and moved her hand to apply pressure to it, she was waiting for Fury to tell her the truth; that her Dad was fine, that he'd used her new weapon to blow a hole in Loki and that he was currently relaxing in the shooting range with a smile; she was waiting and he wasn't saying it.

"These were in Phil Coulson's jacket," Fury finally stated slowly, his eyes traveling to Darcy as he held up something that made her breath hitch and her eyes grow wide, "Guess he never did get you to sign them." Fury tossed them to the center of the table and Darcy felt a tear fall down her face, followed by another, and another.

"Don't throw them," Darcy suddenly shouted, earning a look from the men beside her, "Don't treat them that way." She watched Steve move to pick up one, the one that had splashed the most blood onto the glass countertop. She quickly tried to gather the rest of them into a pile despite the sling on her arm, placing them in order and her body continuing to shake as she remembered the ones he still didn't have; she'd found him #7 two months ago and had been sitting on it to give to him for his birthday. What the fuck was the point now?

She looked them over in her hands; they all had blood on them, her Dad's blood.

"We're dead in the air up here; our communications, location of the cube, Banner, Thor. I got nothing for you. Lost my one good eye; think I had that coming." Darcy chocked back a sob, earning a concerned look by all three men at the table. Fury sighed sadly but continued,

"Yes, we were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract. I never put all my chips on that number, though, because I was playing something even riskier. There was an idea; Stark knows this, called the Avengers Initiative." Fury walked around the table and stood behind Darcy's chair, placing his hands comfortingly on her shoulders.

She looked up at him sadly as he continued, "The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, see if they could become something more. See if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea, in heroes."

"Daddy," Darcy suddenly shouted, pulling the cards in close to her heart as she brought her knees to her chest to curl into herself, the tears freely flowing.

"Your father was a hero too," Fury told her, squeezing her shoulder with his hand before taking a step away.

Steve looked at the girl sadly as she gripped the cards, unsure of how respond but slowly moving closer to give comfort if needed. Tony on the other hand simply stood, an odd look on his face as he walked from the room, not glancing back.

"Well, Fury huffed quietly, "It's an old fashioned notion."

* * *

Darcy pushed past the armed guard outside the infirmary door.

"Well, if I put an arrow through Loki's eye socket I'd sleep better I suppose," Clint shrugged to the woman, trying to keep the malice from his voice that they both knew was there.

"You better do more than that," Darcy cried as she burst through the door, throwing herself at him and hugging him tight. He tried not to wince as her body collided with his; Natasha had really done a number on him.

"Darcy," he whispered, softly petting her head as she cried.

"It was so worried about you, I didn't even think about Dad and now he's gone and the last thing we talked about was getting his stupid cards signed, I didn't even tell him I loved him…" she cried into his shoulder, her slung arm hanging uselessly at her side. Clint looked up to Natasha, his eyes wide, mouthing,

'Coulson's dead?"

She nodded solemnly and Clint pulled the girl closer to him, feeling the wet tears soak into his uniform.

"Don't ever leave me," Darcy huffed, them both knowing that in a few minutes he and Natasha would probably be off to fight Loki and she'd be left alone; but she just needed to hear it, just needed him to say it.

"Never," he replied, patting her back as she slowly pulled away from him, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, trying to get the tears to stop.

* * *

Tony stood silently in the Detention Room, staring blankly at the empty space where the Cell once sat, his mind wandering.

"Was he married?" Steve asked from behind him, causing him to look up bewildered, he hadn't known he'd been there.

"No. Just the daughter," Tony replied; it hadn't taken much for him to put that puzzle together. The sight of the girl crying would be etched into his brain forever.

"I'm sorry. He seemed like a good man," Steve sighed sadly.

"He was an idiot," Tony replied briskly, moving toward the blonde man slowly.

"Why, for believing?"

"For taking on Loki alone," he responded.

"He was doing his job."

"He was out of his league. He should have waited. He should have thought about his kid. He should have…"

"Sometimes there isn't a way out, Tony."

"Right. How did that work out for him? How did that work out for Darcy?"

"Is this the first time you've lost a soldier?

"We are not soldiers!" Tony shouted angrily, glaring at the man in front of him, "I'm not marching to Fury's fife."

"Neither am I. He's not the same blood on his hands that Loki does, but right now we gotta put that behind us and get this done. Now Loki needs a power source, if we can put together a list…"

Steve noticed Tony stare at the blood stained dent in the wall, there wasn't much of a stain for a dead man but it doesn't take much to kill someone.

"He made it personal."

"That's not the point," Steve sighed.

"That is the point. That's Loki's point. He hit us all right where we live, why?"

"To tear us apart."

"Yeah, divide and conquer is great but…he know he has to take us out to win, right? That's what he wants. He wants to beat us; he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience."

"Right, I caught his act in Stuttgart."

"Yeah. That's just previews, this is…this is opening night. And Loki, he's a full-tail diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered...Son of a bitch."

* * *

Fury stood stoically, still remembering the sound of the girl's tears. Her body convulsing as she'd held onto the Captain's uniform, how he'd held her tightly to him when her legs had finally given out.

He looked down at the unconscious body of the man he would classify as a friend, the monitors continuing to beep quietly; the only indication that the man was even still alive. Fury felt odd, it was a feeling he hadn't felt before and he was just beginning to realize what it was, remorse.

Fury huffed to himself and sighed, it was too late now. They, himself and the man currently comatose beside him, both knew this was the only way for the group to unite and work together and for achieving that, he would not apologize. He gave one last look at the man in the bed, whose stoic face was apparently the same awake or asleep.

Fury patted the Phil's hand and moved to the door; if he knew those 'Avengers', and he liked to think that he did, then they were going to be leaving for New York anytime now.

* * *

**So there was that...sorry, it took longer than I thought but it's done...and I didn't kill Coulson. And since everything I've read indicates that Coulson will be in ABC's SHIELD and that it takes place after Avengers, I'm going with that.**

**What are your thoughts, Great, Neutral, Terrible? Let me know :) and I'll see you soon.**


	10. SHWARMA!

**I am so sorry at how long this took. One of the Third shifters at my job quit so I have to train a new girl. I can't write or work on homework while training as it is "bad form" so I'm behind in everything. I've been averaging about 3.5 hours of sleep per day these days. But I finally got this chapter done. It took a while to because I had to figure out how to set up the order of things at the end of the movie. Like Shwarma happens when their still in their "fightin' swag" so they had to have eaten right after the battle...so what did they do with Loki? That was a big hole that I had to figure out. But it's done...and I'm working on the next chapter right now. It should be done in the next couple days. My new girl's on the last days of training so I can sit on the couch all night and write now while she does all the work :).**

* * *

**Survival Tip #214** - Please follow the directions on all posted signs. If a lab has a notice saying 'Do Not Enter', you really don't want to enter. If Director Fury's office door says the same thing, you want to enter even less.

**Survival Tip #222** – Yes, we have a lot of very impressive toys. Just use them wisely.

**Survival Tip #477** – The closed circuit TV camera on the Helicarrier are of extremely good quality. We can clearly see who you are and what you are doing in the corridors.

* * *

Darcy was like her father in many ways, and one of those key things was the ability to stay cool even in times of high stress. She had the ability to appear as nonchalant as any hardened SHIELD agent, she just typically chose not to; but as the girl made her way back to the room she had to fight the tears threatening to spill over; she had to buck up and put on her Phil face.

Clint had hugged her tight and told her he'd stay but they both knew it was a lie and she couldn't blame him for it. She'd go too. Hell, she _wanted_ him to go. Well, go and kick that God's ass; he'd taken away the most important man in life and had almost taken the second. She quickly wiped the stray tear from her cheek as she walked with purpose back toward her room.

She was staring at the ground in front of her as she walked, following the tiles with her eyes, and narrowly avoiding the cracks when she collided with something…something solid. If she hadn't been gripping said something only 20 minutes earlier crying and feeling her legs collapse beneath her she might have been thrown off, but she recognized the feel of that chest…Steve Rogers.

"Sorry Miss. Lewis," the man stated quickly, glancing at her and giving her a sad smile.

"No, I'm sorry Steve," Darcy sighed, her shoulders falling as she stepped away from him, "I need to pay attention to where I'm going."

"There's nothing to be sorry for ma'am."

"Your uniform's still wet," Darcy sputtered suddenly, disbelief on her face as she looked up at him.

"That's quite all right miss. You were upset," he responded sympathetically.

"You can call me Darcy you know," she replied, her lips turning into a smirk ever so slightly.

"That just wouldn't be polite miss," Steve replied.

"I don't care," Darcy huffed, staring him down, "Call me Darcy."

"Alright Miss. Darcy," Steve replied, a smile gracing his lips ever so slightly at his round-about rebellion.

"Good enough," Darcy shrugged with a scoff, "We'll work on it later. Where you headed?"

"Too get Agent Romanov so we can head to New York; Stark and I determined that was where Loki's going."

"Good. Get that son of a bitch," Darcy stated through gritted teeth.

Steve's eyes went slightly wide at her vulgarity but it disappeared from his face quickly to be replaced with a smile, "Sure thing Miss. Darcy." He nodded his head to her once and moved past her toward the infirmary.

"Make sure to take Clint," Darcy shouted after him, to which he raised his hand above his head and waved it in acknowledgement just before he disappeared around a corner.

Darcy smiled as she made her way toward her room, Steve seemed to have made her feel a little better; not a lot, her dad was still dead, but just enough that she could smile for a second. She knew they'd be heading to New York soon and so she was now heading to her room to hide; she'd decided that by sitting in her room, she could pretend that nothing was actually happening and try to cope with her father's death; a girl can only handle so many things at once.

She'd changed her mind about as soon as she'd gotten there; she really didn't want to think about the reality of the situation. Darcy sighed and wandered around her room stopping to stare out the window at the clouds when the Iron Man suit flew past, the thrusters seeming to flicker out every so often.

"We've got unauthorized departure from Bay 6," the Intercom interrupted, Darcy looking toward the ceiling speaker curiously. She looked back out the window and watched a Quin-Jet only a second behind. Giving a huff, she sprinted from her room toward Command Central; she couldn't hide, she needed to help however she could.

"Darcy," Sitwell shouted urgently from the workstation he was leaning into as she walked through the door.

"What is it?"

"We need to get communications up," he replied, sliding over to give the girl access to the screen. She nodded, pulling out the chair for a seat and getting started, there was no time to waste.

Darcy quickly got basic communications up, meaning she could now pull up and watch media coverage. "TV's up," Darcy shouted, her head turning to Fury, who nodded in understanding. She turned back to the computer and began trying to establish private communications while throwing the live coverage onto the screen beside her. She wasn't sure why she wanted it on the screen since she seemed to be going out of her way to avoid looking at it; it only seemed to make her nervous.

As soon as she had private communications back up she was alerted to an incoming call. How long had they been trying and failing to get through?

"Sir," Maria called out quickly, "The council is on." Darcy's eyes went wide. The council; they normally wouldn't talk to Fury outside the specialized conference room to ensure secrecy. Darcy quickly stood from her spot at the workstation and moved cautiously toward the helm of monitors that Fury was beginning to scowl towards. Well, scowl more than usual anyway.

"Director Fury. The council has made a decision..." One of the councilwomen began flatly; she kind of sounded like that alien director lady from Lilo and Stitch. Damn, now Darcy wanted to watch that.

"I recognize the council has made a decision," Fury replied, interrupting her with a huff, "But given that it's a stupid ass decision, I've elected to ignore it." Fury sounded like he was in disbelief. It was an odd sound coming from the typically controlled man. She couldn't help but move a little closer; what could they possibly be saying that had him so on edge?

"Director, you're closer than any of our subs," another councilman replied stiffly, "You scramble that jet…"

Darcy turned to notice Maria breathing nervously, panicking. What the hell was the council referring to in order to make Maria that uncomfortable?

"That is the island of Manhattan, Councilman," Fury replied, trying to keep his voice even, "Until I'm certain my team can't hold it, I will not order a nuclear strike against a civilian population." Darcy froze; they wanted to send nuclear bombs to New York to kill everyone, were they kidding?

"If we don't hold them in the air, we lose everything," the councilman tried to reason.

"If I send that bird out, we already have," Fury replied, shutting off communication and turning to look at Darcy with the slightest hint of concern in his eyes. "Do I have contact with Stark or Barton yet?" he asked her curiously.

"On it," Darcy sputtered out quickly, turning from the helm and running back to the workstation where Sitwell was still standing. He turned to ask her nervously,

"Is it bad?"

"Really bad," Darcy responded sadly, getting into Jarvis to connect Fury with Stark, it would take a couple minutes to get a reliable signal due to the interference so she needed to get around the standard channels.

"Communications with Iron Man are up," Darcy shouted from her spot.

"Sir, we have a bird in motion!" Maria shouted from the helm. Darcy turned to watch the woman furiously tap the screen in an attempt to get it shut off. Fury glanced over the woman's shoulder at the screen before running from Command Central's bridge and heading to what Darcy could only assume was the Launchpad. "Anyone on the deck we have a rogue bird," Maria continued to shout, "We need to shut it down! Repeat, takeoff is not authorized!"

Darcy turned to her screen and quickly pulled up the system data on the jet, it would take her at least 3 minutes to get the jet disabled and once it left the Helicarrier it would too hard to determine where to lock down the plane to ensure that the warhead wouldn't be over civilians when she cut power to the engine and the jet fell from the sky.

Darcy looked to the screen to see that the bird preparing for liftoff had stopped due to power loss. She could only assume it was Fury's doing. The relief didn't last long though when she spotted another one click onto her radar suddenly, leaving the deck and heading in the direction of New York City.

"Darcy," Maria shouted from the helm, her hand to her ear, "Patch Stark through to Fury." Darcy nodded and grabbed a discarded earpiece from the workstation beside her, quickly typing in the code to connect the lines.

"Stark, you hear me?" Fury asked curiously, hearing the labored breathing on the other end, "You have a missile headed straight for the city."

"How long?" Tony questioned back curiously.

"Three minutes. Max. Stay load can wipe out mid-town."

"JARVIS, put everything we got into the thrusters."

"I just did," the computer replied.

Darcy stood, she was tired of this shit, she was gonna help too. This was ridiculous. She wasn't sure what she was going to do exactly but she was going to do something. Darcy threw the earpiece back to the workstation and ran from Command Central, taking a shortcut. It wasn't technically a shortcut but seeing as Fury was coming back from the airstrip (her desired destination) and he was headed to where she was coming from, she knew she needed an alternate route to avoid running into him.

Darcy continued to maneuver around corridors and skidded into the wing of the infirmary, knowing that the hatch was only two staircases up from the end of the hall. She moved quickly, though noted curiously that the entire wing was empty. There was no one to be found. She chocked it up to the nuclear warhead on its way to Manhattan and continued on her way, only stopping as she heard a faint beeping sound from one of the rooms, the door open only a crack.

She paused, 'Why would there be no one around if there was someone injured down here?' Darcy felt herself pause and take a couple steps back, curious of who could be in there. She swiped her keycard into the lock but the door didn't open, a label appearing the stated "No Clearance" on the keypad monitor.

"No clearance," Darcy huffed, annoyed, "Who the hell is in there that I don't have clearance for?"

Glaring, the girl stood tall and attempted to see through the windowed door and into the room to no avail before giving up and running to a maintenance closet to grab a metal rod that she could use for leverage. She found exactly what she needed and smiled triumphantly as she ran back to the door, fighting with her cast as she wedged the rod into the door to open it enough to let herself in.

She huffed out of breath from the force and moved into the room curiously, this guy had to pretty important if even her clearance couldn't get her…

"Dad?" she sputtered out in confusion and delirium. She stumbled cautiously into the room, the beeps of the monitoring device beeping in rhythm, an accordion style container forcing air in and out of his lungs. Darcy froze, eying the screen that showed the heartbeat…this was impossible. Phil Coulson wasn't dead. Darcy turned around to stare at the entrance door that she had practically torn apart to get into and glared at it angrily. How could Fury do this? How could he lie and tell her that her father was dead. That Asshole.

Darcy felt tears sting her eyes, tears of happiness that her dad survived and tears of anger at Fury for making her believe that her dad was dead; the two sets seemed to blend together and stream down her face and she moved to sit in the stool beside her dad's bed. She noticed the TV remote sitting on the nightstand table and let it sit in her hand for a minute before turning on the TV. She couldn't leave her dad while he was like this; it wasn't like she'd be of much use anyway.

She pressed the 'on' button and watched as the news station continued with their coverage, "Streets in New York City have become a battle ground. The army is here trying to contain the violence but clearly it is outmatched…" She changed the channel.

"…Billionaire Tony Stark's Iron Man…" another newscaster began before Darcy tuned them out and watched as Tony and the missile came into view of the TV camera. He seemed to be carting it over his shoulder before turning it just in time to avoid having it hit the tower and instead going straight into the portal. Darcy let out the breath she hadn't realized that she'd been holding. She hears the cheers from the Agents floors above her and can't help but smile herself, he saved the world.

It's then that she notices that the portal is starting to close and Tony's not back. Her breath is gone again and she grabs her dad's hand nervously, knowing that she can squeeze as hard as she wants without him noticing. The portal opening is getting narrower and narrower and her heart's starting to pound nervously when she suddenly spots the armor falling through, shouting, "Yeah!"

She's watching him fall when she realizes that he doesn't have power; that spacial void probably shut down his systems. She releases Phil's hand and stands to move closer to the TV, her hands clasping together at her chest in concern. She watches him fall, estimating the likelihood of survival for every meter closer to the ground he gets; his chances are dwindling. Her eyes are starting to blur as she stares without blinking. It's at that moment that she suddenly spots something large and green flash across the screen, Hulk.

She blinks and rubs her eyes to spot Hulk with the Iron Man armor in his arms as he falls from the sky and into the street. The camera doesn't pan and Darcy's pissed. Who did these news people think they were, not getting the information on whether or not Tony was okay?

After realizing that they weren't going to get anything else, Darcy shut of the TV screen and moved back to her dad, leaning down and giving him a kiss, "I'll be back later to check on you whether Fury likes it or not. Stay safe pony boy."

Darcy left the room and ran back toward the bridge, arriving to spot Fury staring at the helm computers, "What took you so long?"

"I was just visiting my Dad," she replied, trying to sound both casual and pissed at the same time. She thought it came out pretty well.

"I know you were; you should know better than to think that there is anything on this ship that I don't know about. But hey, good news, we won."

"I noticed," Darcy responded, still angry at the man but finding that she couldn't help but smile as she noticed the grin on his face. Fury smiling was a rare occurrence.

"I have to go down to the site and have a talk with the team, interested in tagging along?"

"Hells yeah," Darcy sputtered, fisting the air excitedly, "But don't think that this means that I've forgiven you. I'm really pissed that you lied to me about Dad."

"I didn't really want to lie to you, if that helps at all."

"It doesn't," she lamented.

"I just wanted to make sure that everyone could team up; they needed a unifier, your father was that unifier. How else would the Captain and Stark be able to get along?"

"A Beatles concert?"

"Do you wanna come along or not?" he glared.

"Shutting up," the girl replied, smiling like a lunatic as she boarded the jet toward New York.

* * *

The Quin-Jet arrived on the demolished ground outside of Stark Tower…or what was left of it. It seemed that only the 'A' was still on the side of the building and most of the glass was broken; even some of the metal beams were dented and warped. She could only imagine how Tony was feeling about it, his pride and joy.

"We're outside," she heard Fury tell his earpiece as he stood outside the back ramp of the Jet, just a step behind Darcy herself.

She watched as six battered heroes made their way through the fallen glass doors of the building, Thor leading his brother out with a look of sad frustration on his face. She could only imagine the confliction that Thor was fighting, she knew he loved him, despite how fucked up it was. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to really fight Nat or Clint like Thor had done to Loki. She was glad she'd never have to find out.

"And you," Fury stated glaring at dark haired god, "We have plans for you."

"Actually," Thor interjected, receiving odd looks from the Avengers as well as Fury and Loki himself, "I wish to return Loki and the Tesseract to their proper place; Asgard."

"I don't…" Fury began before Thor interrupted,

"It is not up for discussion; I am sorry for allowing the misunderstanding. Loki is to be brought back to Asgard to face judgment by our father…"

"Your father," Loki muttered in interruption.

"Our father!" Thor glared, "...and the Tesseract will be placed back where it belongs to ensure that such a catastrophe does not occur once again."

Fury opened his mouth to argue but Darcy patted him on the back with a grin, "Let the man do what he wants. I mean are you telling me that you really want to argue with the God of Thunder?"

"Fine," Fury huffed, not entirely pleased.

"Can I just ask why we're still standing here when there is Shwarma to eat?" Tony asked curiously.

"Shwarma?" Darcy questioned curiously.

"It's food," Clint replied.

"I know that," Darcy huffed, insulted, "I've had Shwarma before, that's beside the point. Why, after a huge battle that almost wiped out the country, are you guys going for Shwarma?"

"I would just like to say that I think it's a bad idea," Bruce stated quietly from the back of the group, having de-hulked sometime on his way downstairs and was now wearing a tablecloth toga and carrying some of what could only be assumed as Tony's clothes in his arms.

"Seconded," Steve agreed.

"This isn't a democracy," Tony huffed.

"I'm pretty sure that it is," Steve replied, pointedly.

"Hey now," Tony huffed, "I'm the one that went through a space portal and almost died. If I want Shwarma, then we are having Shwarma."

"I too wish to feast upon this Midgardian delicacy," Thor added.

"I wouldn't really say it's a delicacy," Natasha muttered.

"See," Tony smiled, patting Thor on the shoulder, "Shakespeare agrees. Shwarma it is."

"What are we gonna do with him in the meantime?" Clint asked curiously, pointing his bow at Loki with distaste.

"She gets to watch him," Tony smiled, pointing to Darcy with a smirk.

"What?" Darcy asked bewildered.

"What?" Clint, Tash, and Fury responded.

"Well who else is gonna do it?" Tony shrugged confused.

"Um anyone else…how about Thor, that would make the most sense," Clint argued.

"Hey," Darcy sputtered, "I'll do it if I can I hold that?" She pointed to the scepter that Natasha was carefully holding away from Loki.

"Definitely a bad idea," Tony replied, eying the girl curiously.

"Agreed," Loki stated quickly, earning angry looks from the group despite agreeing with them.

"No input from the peanut gallery," Tony glared, turning to their prisoner.

"Whatever," Darcy huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, "You guys are so lame."

"Please do not put me with this irrational woman," Loki begged, turning to Thor in a latch ditch effort to save himself, "She tried to show my smut images."

"You did what?" Tony asked with a smirk, "You're awesome."

"It was Clint's Hustler," Darcy shrugged, "I was trying to get him to loosen up."

"How the hell did you get my…" Clint sputtered before noticing the glare from both Natasha and Fury, "I mean I don't have porn…"

"Sure, whatever," Darcy scoffed, turning to Loki, "And I promise not to show you porn. Geez."

"You know what," Fury stated, hearing Loki's distaste for the idea, "I change my mind; Darcy, you watch Loki while the idiots eat."

"I don't wanna watch Sir Whines-a-lot," Darcy grumbled annoyed, having assumed that Fury was going to object all along.

"I do not whine," Loki glared, leaning toward her face to sneer before being pulled back by Thor.

"It is wise to show Lady Darcy respect in this realm brother, if you do not recall, it is she who brought me here and it is you who failed in your attempt to conquer the mortals of this realm."

"Are you trying to say that if I was in a fight with this vile woman that I would lose?"

"It would be most likely brother," Thor replied, glancing in Darcy's general direction. 'Yeah good, get him all riled up before you guys all go off to eat and I have to deal with his rants' Darcy thought with a scoff.

"Thor, get Loki secured in the jet and get something over his mouth," Fury ordered, "Then you morons can go eat. Darcy will watch him. I have some calls to make in the meantime but I'll be around to supervise."

"What the hell is the point of making me watch him if your just gonna supervise anyway?" Darcy huffed annoyed.

"I don't want him to hear my conversations," Fury replied, "And this is a second chance for you to learn how to take care of a child."

"That baby in health class wasn't my fault," Darcy complained, following Thor, Loki, and Fury into the jet, "I couldn't get it to stop crying so Clint used it as target practice. I failed that assignment. She wanted to know how a baby could have so many arrow holes and still cry."

Bruce turned to Clint curiously, "You shot a Sex Ed baby with arrows."

"That thing wouldn't shut up," he glared, "And Darcy had sworn off messing with its circuit board no matter how much I begged." Tony burst out laughing and Steve tried to cover a laugh by pressing his fist to his mouth.

* * *

Darcy sat across from Loki, neither talking (Loki had a muzzle contraption over his mouth), both glaring awkwardly at the other.

"I don't like you," Darcy finally told him angrily after almost an hour.

He shrugged non-commitally, only making her madder.

"Don't shrug like that," Darcy huffed, "I know you can't talk but don't just shrug like the things I say don't matter…cus they do."

He shrugged again, she couldn't see his mouth but he eyes seemed to turn up as though he were smiling under his mask. She stood from her spot and moved toward him, punching him hard in the arm with the fist that wasn't in a cast. His eyes lost the smile as it turned to a look of pain. Apparently Hulk had completely beaten the man and his body seemed to be a giant bruise. It made life easier for Darcy at the moment.

"What did I say about shrugging?"

He seemed to be about ready to shrug again in response, but Darcy pursed her lips annoyed and Loki let his shoulders sag.

"Thanks," Darcy replied at that, "You know this is probably the longest amount of time you've gone without talking, huh?"

He glared at her, but didn't shrug; Darcy smiled, progress.

"I know that your hatred of us comes from your hatred of yourself," she shrugged, "Thor told me that you're a snow man or something. Just 'cus you're different and the Gods up in the gold palace don't like snow men doesn't mean that their bad people. Most people fear what they don't understand.

"You know the last time Captain Rogers fought; it was against some guy named Hitler. He was a self-hating Jew who decided to kill off all the Jewish people. Then it went farther and he wanted to get rid of everyone who wasn't this stereotypical ideal of 'perfect'.

"I know that you don't like who you are but there isn't actually anything wrong with you other than the fact that you tried to kill off the earth."

His body went straight as though he was going to say something in response but he stopped, realizing that he had his mouth restricted. Instead he let his body turn its natural blue; markings designing themselves over his newly chilled flesh.

Darcy's eyes went wide in surprise while Loki's seemed to narrow as if proving something by her surprise.

"Cool," she suddenly shouted, "That's really cool. I've read about someone who could do that. Who could make her skin do that…I think I her name was Raven or something but that's really cool. Just because the people in your planet…realm place don't get it doesn't mean anything. Clearly they have problems with acceptance. Every society has that problem to some degree. Our country once had an entire race enslaved because of the color of their skin. No one's perfect, but deciding to kill a group of people that aren't even involved is a dick move."

Loki let his skin turn back to its original pale complexion and stared hard at her as though trying to figure her out.

"This doesn't mean that I don't still hate you. You stabbed my Dad and tried to kill him." She watched him tilt his head in confusion, "He'd not dead. I found him today, but he is unconscious. The only reason I'm not gutting you with my bare hands is because it looks like he'll be okay.

"And you really should watch Avatar…or maybe even Shrek. Avatar for the blue people and Shrek for the idea of judging people because of how they look rather than who they are. Maybe we could make Thor watch 'em too."

Loki shook his head at her but she couldn't figure out if it was against watching the movies all together or watching them with Thor. She supposed it wouldn't really matter, when Thor took him back to Asgard today, she wouldn't be seeing him ever again. She didn't know much about their father Odin, but the stories contradicted themselves. Thor told her that his father was strict but fair, while some of the stories she read on the Norse Gods stated that Odin was the God of War and was often cruel. She wasn't really sure which was true.

"Having fun in here?" Fury asked curiously, from the ramp of the jet.

"Yeah, we're swapping dating stories and next we're going to braid each other's hair," Darcy replied, fake giggling like those girls she'd always hated.

Fury rolled his eyes and shook his head, ducking his head out of the jet to answer his phone.

She looked back at Loki who was simply staring at her. Back to the awkward silence again, great.

* * *

Darcy slammed the back seat door of the gray SHIELD car behind her and Bruce as she ran to catch up with Clint and Natasha who were headed toward the footbridge to send off the brothers. Tony was coming from his purple convertible, metal suitcase in hand; Steve from his motorcycle.

It was over. It was finally over. She watched as Thor shoved Loki a bit still pissed at him and all the trouble he'd caused as they reached the center of the design on the bridge. She noticed the multitude of SHIELD Agents surrounding the perimeter and even recognized a couple of them. She hoped that she wasn't found out by the new recruits but quickly realized that she shouldn't be so concerned about something so trivial.

She noticed Selvig, grabbing a canister from the back of one of the trucks, probably to hold the Tesseract in. He hadn't really noticed her presence yet and for that she was thankful. She isn't looking forward to that conversation at the moment.

Everyone seems to be silent as Tony placed the suitcase on the ground and revealed the blue cube, Bruce using special Tongs to place it in the canister while Steve oversaw the steps, seemingly glad to be rid of the cube of energy.

Darcy moved toward the two gods and hugged Thor, reminding him that he'd better come back soon; he still hadn't seen Jane and she knew that once the woman saw the news and knew that he was back she was going to raise hell for not being allowed to see him. He nodded and smiled, thanking her for all her help.

Selvig sealed the canister and righted himself, heading toward the God before he noticed Darcy standing beside Thor and his evil brother. His eyes narrowed in confusion but he said nothing, simply handed the canister to Thor who patted Selvig on the shoulder in return.

Loki glanced around nervously before locking eyes with Darcy, she simply shrugged at him and his eyes narrowed at the memory of her punching him, which reminded him of his fight with Hulk.

She moved to stand beside Natasha and watched as she leaned into Clint and whisper about what Thor had mentioned as probable punishments, he'd said that it was likely that Loki's mouth would be sewn shut for his crimes. Clint smiled at the idea, our legal system be damned, Asgard punishment would certainly be better than we would legally be able to do.

Thor motioned for Loki to take the other handle of the canister before turning it and letting the blue energy engulf them. Everyone seemed to take a step back together to avoid being caught up in the transfer, and then they were just gone.

Everyone stood there all awkwardly, unsure of what to do next. Darcy sighed and clasped her hands together, "Well I guess that's it?"

"Guess so," Tony replied with a grin, moving to head toward his car. The group begins to disperse awkwardly; Natasha, Bruce, and Clint heading toward the SHIELD car; while Tony headed to his convertible, Steve coming along behind him.

"Should I ask?" she hears Selvig ask her curiously as he comes to stand beside her.

"Probably not," Darcy replies, "Though I didn't try to lie to you or Jane. I just didn't think it was relevant until it was. By then it was too late to say anything."

"That didn't make any sense but I understand what you're saying from and that scares me."

Darcy laughed, slapping him on the shoulder and heading over to say goodbye to Tony who had just finished shaking hands with Steve.

"Hey kiddo," Tony smirked, "You coming with me and the big guy?"

"What?"

"Bruce is coming with me and moving in to Stark Tower, though I've been thinking about changing the name."

"Changing the name of Stark Tower," Darcy sputtered in mock surprise, "How would your ego survive?"

"Hush up," he smirked, "You're welcome to come along. For some reason as soon as I said your name Pepper freaked out and told me she wanted to meet you."

"Odd," Darcy agreed, "But I'm headed back to SHIELD with Clint and Nat. Dad's alive, comatose but alive so I'm gonna sit with him for a while."

"I heard ol' Phil made it," Tony smiled, "I'm happy for ya kid."

"Thanks," Darcy smiled, "Well, Clint's waving me over so I'm gonna head out."

"Stop by some time," Tony replied, "I'm doin' a lot of remodeling so I was planning on making some rooms for everybody, you and your old man included."

"What about Fury?" Darcy questioned with a smirk.

"Don't think so," Tony huffed. Darcy laughed and gave him a hug, which he awkwardly reciprocated, "See ya Short Stuff."

"See ya," Darcy smiled, running to catch the car before it left, Natasha slamming her passenger door closed before Clint sped off.

Darcy turned in her seat to look out the back window and spotted Bruce throw his bag in the back seat of the convertible before hopping in with Stark and heading in the opposite direction.

"Let's do something," Darcy exclaimed turning back around, leaning her arms over the backs of their seats excitedly; looking at Clint with a grin, careful that her casted arm didn't hit him in the head.

"We're going back to SHIELD," Clint replied, "We have orders from Fury."

"Come on," Darcy scoffed, "Let's do something fun before we go back to work."

"Nope," Natasha replied. Now it was 2 on 1 not cool, "We need to be getting back, if it makes you feel any better, Fury notified us that your father has woken up."

"Why didn't you say so," Darcy shouted, "Let's go."

"I thought we were saving that as a surprise," Clint scoffed, eying the red-head beside him.

"Oh well," Natasha smiled, settling back into her seat to relax, it was going to be a long ride.

* * *

**So next Tony finds out about Darcy's lineage in chapter 12, in case you were wondering when that's coming. She moves to Avenger Tower in the next chapter and he founds out one chapter later. Just an FYI**


	11. Captain Virgin

**So Chapter 11. It's crazy long...sorry. I was writing it and it came out to over 20 pages in word and I was like shit I can't cut it in half because I promised certain things in chapter 12 and this would screw it up. So long chapter it is. Oh and Chapter 12 is half done...just an fyi.**

* * *

**Survival Tip #137** - Briefings and debriefings are not optional. Do not treat them as such.

**Survival Tip #293** – Agent Coulson is not a ghost. Do not poke him, lobby projectiles at him, or attempt to put your hand through his head. Do not star at him when he walks; he does not float. And he will take the necessary steps to ensure you cannot poke anything or anyone else again, should you continue to do so.

**Survival Tip #319** – Commenting on any aspect of Agent Romanov, good or bad, around Agent Barton is most likely to end with a threat or worse, and if it's worse you won't see it coming.

**Survival Tip #466** – It is inappropriate to call Captain Rogers the following: Captain Ass, Captain American't, Captain Virgin, the 90-year-old virgin, or Tony Stark's Bitch. Any harm that comes to you by his hand, or that of any of his teammates, is your fault and SHIELD will not be responsible for it.

* * *

Darcy sat in the rehab room with a book, eying her father every so often as he worked to walk again. Loki's scepter had nicked his spine ever so slightly; he wasn't paralyzed but he was going to need quite a bit of physical therapy to be able to get back to work.

She smiled as she looked up and caught him watching her with a grin, "So…how has life been?"

"Ehh," She shrugged in response, "Fury's got me working 24/7 lately. Why do think I'm hiding in here with you?"

"I thought you just wanted to see me," Phil replied with a smile, leaning his arms onto the bar support to smirk at her leisurely.

"Well yeah; I do miss you but Fury's got me doing both our jobs until your back on your feet," Darcy huffed, throwing her book upside down on the bench before moving to the man and assisting him to his wheelchair, "So hurry up and get better."

"I can hear the compassion in your voice," Coulson smirked, shaking his head as he settled into the chair that she'd outfitted special for him.

"Ha ha," Darcy scoffed, programming the chair to head to his room before running to the bench and grabbing her book, catching up with him as he made his way down the hallway.

"So has Fury talked to you yet," Phil questioned curiously, earning an odd look from the girl.

"I don't really know what that means," Darcy responded, cocking her head to the side slightly in confusion, "I mean; he talks to me all the time…well yells, but…"

"If he told you already, you'd know it," he smiled; shrugging his shoulders as the chair weaved around the Agents in the corridors, Darcy following along behind him when the hallways became congested to walk side by side.

"So have you seen any of the Avengers since New York?" Phil questioned as they neared his room.

"Nah, Nat and Clint are both in Brazil hunting Ben Donovan and some lady named the Black Lotus and Steve's been trying to get retrained with the rest of the new recruits, none of which will talk to me anymore, but Tony keeps Skyping me for some reason. He's trying to talk me into moving into the tower. He says that we can blow stuff up together."

Coulson paused, blinking nonstop as he tried to process the statement, "You and Tony hit it off?!"

"Actually yeah, I mean he isn't as big of a douche as I thought he was," she noticed her father's look of disbelief and rephrased, "Okay he's still a douche, but he's like a kindred spirit kindof douche. We eerily have a lot in common."

"You don't like him do you?" Coulson asked, cringing as he did so.

"God no," Darcy sputtered, "He's old enough to be my Dad. He's like that really cool uncle that let's you get away with shit, that's it." She paused, hitting him in the arm hard with her book, "God, you're so gross."

Phil laughed, "I'm glad you think it's gross."

"Let's never bring up this conversation ever again," Darcy winced, her nose wrinkling at the thought.

"Agreed," Phil smiled, rubbing her arm comfortingly before the wheelchair made its way into his room, "You better go see Fury; I think he has news for you."

oOo

"Hey," Darcy asked curiously, getting up to Central Command to find no Fury, "Have you seen Fury?"

"No," Jessica Drew scowled annoyed, "Don't you have him on speed dial or something?"

"I doooo," Darcy drawled out with a wince, "But that's beside the point; I was just asking if you'd seen him. Is there a problem?"

"Yeah, there's a problem, you're a traitor; a spy."

"I'm pretty sure we're all spies. We are Agents of SHIELD. According to Stark 'we are thee spies'."

"No that's not what I mean," Jessica snarled, "You were spying on us the whole time. You pretended to be our friend but you were always in Fury's back pocket."

"I'm sorry, WHAT?" Darcy shouted; the entire room now turned away from their computer screens to eye the fight happening on the helm, "I wasn't spying on anyone."

"Like I'm gonna believe anything you have to say."

"Fuck you," Darcy growled, her face contorting into disgust, "I don't know what the hell your problem is but you better just settle your ass down."

"You need to get out of my face before I make you," Jessica huffed, her finger eerily close to Darcy's nose.

"You better take your own advice," Darcy replied icily, "Don't think I won't send you flat on your ass."

"I bet you could take her," Karl told Jessica, coming up beside her, "I bet Hawkeye and Widow threw all those training fights when they went against her just to make her look good."

"Excuse me," Darcy replied, her eyes growing wide and narrowing at the same time, "Hawkeye and Widow haven't thrown a fight with me since I was 14."

"Sure," Jessica replied, a sarcastic smirk on her face.

"You're askin' for a tase more and more each second," Darcy gritted out.

"Ohh, hear that Jess," Karl mocked, "She might tase you, you better apologize or she'll make you eat Fury's shit."

"Your right," a voice stated from behind the group, "You better apologize; though your punishment will be decidedly worse than eating my shit." The silence that filled the room that second made everyone uncomfortable but no one seemed to have the balls to break it. Fury had arrived at some point during the argument, Steve a couple of steps behind him. "I've been looking for you," Fury told her curiously, "I thought you were with your father?"

"I was but he told me that you needed to talk to me so I've came here looking for you. Apparently the new recruits don't wanna be very helpful."

"It seems your right," Fury agreed, "They'll be making up for their insubordination by scrubbing every inch of this ship with a toothbrush." A couple of the agents groaned but most remained silent, too afraid to make a noise, "They need to learn to show respect to a Level 8 Agent." At this everyone gasped, apparently they hadn't expected that.

"It's whatever, I don't give a shit what they think of me," Darcy shrugged, moving away from Jessica and Karl to be closer to Fury and Steve, who was oddly close to Fury already.

"Well, they will respect you whether you care or not," Fury stated, almost more to them than to her, "But that's beside the point; I needed to talk to you, come with me." She shrugged again, but followed him and Steve out of Command Central and randomly down a hallway.

"I need you to pack your bags," Fury suddenly stated, not bothering to turn and look at her as he continued on down the hallway.

"I'm sorry what?" Darcy questioned confused, running around Steve to block Fury from continuing.

"You need to pack your room," he repeated, "You're moving."

"What do you mean I'm moving?" Darcy huffed, "Is it because of what they said? 'Cus I'll go beat the shit out of all of them right now to prove my worth if I have to."

"That's not what I meant," Fury replied, a smirk crossing his face for a second, "You're moving to Stark Tower."

"I'm doing what now?" Darcy asked confused, looking between Fury and Rogers confused.

"We need an official liaison for SHIELD and the Avengers. It was originally supposed to be Coulson as he has the most connections to the group but seeing as he's going to be incapacitated for a while that leaves the job to you."

"I…but…who's going to watch Dad and get him back on his feet?" Darcy questioned, grasping at straws.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Fury replied, rolling his eyes, "Are you telling me you don't want to go?"

"No…I mean…yes…I mean I don't mind going, I just can't believe that I'd be going as official liaison. I'm pretty sure I'll fuck it up."

"You'll do fine," Fury laughed, "Stark likes you and if you and Stark can get along then you're qualified."

"Those are sad qualification," Steve mentioned with a shake of his head.

"I agree with Cap," Darcy scoffed, "But it's cool. I'll go or whatever."

"Good," Fury replied, "Because it wasn't up for discussion, your expected to be there tomorrow at 1600."

* * *

Darcy stood outside Stark Tower…Avenger Tower with a sigh; Tony had decided the rename it after the battle, saying it was fate that only the 'A' still stood. She had her suitcase wheeling along behind her and she felt like it was her internship all over again, especially since they'd transferred Jane Foster to the building once the labs were back up and running; she was staying in Thor's currently vacant room, though no one suspected that she'd relocate once he'd found his way back.

Darcy was happy that she'd be able to see Jane again, she considered the woman a close friend. She didn't have many female friends other than Natasha…and Anna and Mal, who she occasionally emailed or messaged on Facebook about trivial things like cool bands and weather. But Jane seemed to be a true friend, even if she was still in the dark about who Darcy really was, though she planned to tell her soon, if only to clear the air.

So she walked into the Tower, everything new and clean as though the war had never even happened. Passing the receptionist who eyed her and her suitcase curiously, she made her way to Stark's Private Elevator to take her up to the higher levels. When Tony had rebuilt everything he changed his personal elevator to the Avenger's personal elevator and had changed the upper levels into apartments for everyone, though the main living area was still the same if only to have some common room for them all to gather and mingle with one another.

She scanned her new badge in the scanner and smiled as the doors opened for her, practically throwing her suitcase into the contraption, tired of fighting with it. It bounced off the walls of the elevator before landing awkwardly on the floor of the lift.

"Having some trouble Ms. Lewis?" the disembodied voice she recognized from her heist asked curiously.

"Jarvis, right?"

"Indeed," he responded, "Do you need any assistance; I'm sure that Mr. Stark…"

"It's cool, I can handle it, I just don't want to. So what floor am I on?"

"Living quarters are on the upper floors and I believe that you and Agent Coulson share 51."

"Is that a thing because of Area 51 and Coulson's fondness for suits and sunglasses?"

"I don't think Tony had thought of that, most likely he would have placed Thor and Jane on there if he had been aware."

"Very true," Darcy smiled, her grin growing wider as the elevator dinged.

"This is the main floor with which the kitchen, living, and dining areas are located. Ms. Potts, Mr. Stark, and Dr. Banner are awaiting your arrival. I will have your bags sent to your room."

"I don't care what they say about you Jarvis; you're all right by me."

"Thank you Ms. Lewis."

Darcy laughed, and exited the elevator spotting Tony, drink in hand, with Pepper standing by his side staring in her direction excitedly. Bruce was sitting on a bar stool beside the two, looking incredibly tired. God, she was going to be the intern forcing people to bed and fetching coffee again, she could see it already.

"Is it supposed to smell like sweaty workmen in there…is that a thing?" Darcy questioned Tony as she made her way closer, throwing a thumb back to the elevator.

"See," Tony huffed, turning to the strawberry blonde beside him, "I told you."

Pepper seemed to bounce in her heels before bounding toward the shorter woman and wrapping her arms around her, "I'm so happy to meet you. I've heard so much about you; more than you know."

Darcy winced at the woman's affection, "I feel like that was oddly cryptic…and you're squishing the tatas."

"It sure took you long enough to get here," Tony scoffed, moving to sit beside Banner and offering the man the drink in his hand. Bruce just shook his head with a look that said, 'are you kidding?'

"Yeah well, that's what happens when you have to pass a place that sells frozen yogurt on the way to this building, I was not about to pass on frozen yogurt. You think I'm nuts?"

"You ate it all already?" Banner questioned curiously.

"It was frozen yogurt and it's like 100 degrees out; it was either eat it fast or drink it slow."

Pepper smiled, "I can see it. It's so cool."

"What?" Darcy responded in confusion, "What do you mean you can see it? Do I have frozen yogurt on my face? How long have I been walking around with frozen yogurt on my face?"

"No not that," Pepper assured, "Sorry. It was just something your father told me a while ago."

"Since we do you and my dad 'talk'?" Darcy responded confused.

"That's what I said," Tony smirked, pushing off the bar counter to stand beside Darcy; Pepper only clasping her hands together and giggling like a school girl on crack at their proximity.

"Is this normal 'cus it's really freaking me out," Darcy asked Tony curiously, motioning to Pepper with her hand.

"No…that's not normal at all and it's freaking me out too," Tony whispered to the girl. He turned to his girlfriend asking, "Are you okay?"

Pepper scoffed, shrugging the question off with a flat reply of, "I'm fine Tony."

"Suspicious," Darcy responded aloud, "But I don't care. I've got an actual real apartment, I mean I'm still down the hall from Dad; thanks for that one Tony but I mean it's mine."

"Actually its mine," Tony countered, "You know, since the building's mine."

"This fist is gonna be yours in a second," Darcy responded, waving it at him.

"Don't kill my boss Darcy," a voice stated flatly before a giggle escaped. Darcy knew that voice without turning but she did anyway,

"God Jane you look like hell. What's Thor gonna think if he comes back and sees you like that. You look like Banner; no offense."

"None taken," he responded with a slight chuckle.

"What is it with you scientists? Sleep."

"There's no time for sleep Darcy," Jane replied, rolling her eyes, "I need to get a new Einstein Rosen Bridge going so that Thor can transport himself back and forth."

"Make sure you shape it like a donut," Darcy told her friend thoughtfully, "You don't want him busting it when he lands." Then she muttered under her breath, "Learned that the hard way."

"Darcy, I think I know more about Astrophysics than you. No offense."

"None taken," Darcy replied, throwing up her hands in defeat.

"Why are you here anyway," Jane asked curiously, "Not that I don't mind you around, but I mean…your internship's over. I figured you'd be working as some assistant to a senator or something."

"Apparently I know too much so Coulson and Fury decided to toss me in here to help you lot."

"Good, I could certainly use the help; and who's Fury…is he the guy who wears all the leather?"

"Yeah," Darcy laughed amused, "The guy with the leather."

"Why would you be working for a senator?" Tony asked confused.

"She's a poly-sci major," Jane told the genius, "She was the only one who applied for the internship so I took her and she was a great intern but she wasn't super knowledgeable about Astrophysics."

"You majored in political science? I think I just lost all respect for you," Tony scoffed.

"Oh settle yourself judgy. I've already gotten my PHD in Computer Science and my Masters in Engineering. I just got the degree in Political Science to get Fury's job when he retires. I am MENSA certified."

"You what?" Jane paled, not expecting that news.

"That makes more sense," Tony nodded, excited by the knowledge, "You better be ready to build in the lab Lewis."

"Can't I settle in first?" she questioned curiously.

"No time," Tony replied, "Jarvis?"

"Ms. Lewis' lab is now up and running, it is connected to both yours and Dr. Banner's."

"See, that may be mistake number one," she heard a voice she instantly recognized as Clint's call out, "Darcy tends to blow things up."

"Or set things on fire," Natasha added a step behind him.

"Hey you're back," Darcy shouted excitedly, running up to hug the two assassins who had walked through the door covered in bruises.

"Yeah we arrived at the Helicarrier to hear Fury inform us that you've been reassigned," Clint smirked.

"And apparently we have too," Natasha added.

"Sooo, Donovan?" Darcy questioned.

"Taken care of," Clint assured, "Looks like you'll be stuck with us for a while."

"Not opposed to that," Darcy smiled, "I've been getting soft lately. I need my training."

"We've only been gone for a month," Tasha smirked.

"Yeah well…there's frozen yogurt a block from here."

"You only got here today…that's not an excuse," Bruce spouted off from the back.

"Hush, you," Darcy shouted, "I feel like I'm being ganged up on."

"I heard this wouldn't the first time," Natasha questioned.

"I don't wanna talk about that," Darcy grumbled, "I'm glad to be away from them though."

"Darcy what happened?" Jane asked sympathetically, despite not understanding what was going on completely."

"Nothing," she grumbled.

"The new recruits found out she wasn't who she said she was and ganged up on her."

"They thought I was spying on them for Fury," Darcy huffed annoyed, "Then Fury and Rogers had to walk in during it and Fury defended me like I couldn't take care of myself. It was humiliating."

"I could pay them a visit," Natasha smiled, connivingly.

"NO," Darcy insisted, "It's over and I'm not even there anymore. I really don't care; I could use a drink though."

"NO," Clint sputtered as she reached for Tony's, who was more than willing to hand it off, "You know how you get when you drink."

"Fun?"

"Destructive," he corrected.

"I know how that goes," Pepper huffed, glancing at Tony.

"I feel like you're talking about me," Tony scoffed.

Pepper said nothing, just stared at him as though it were obvious.

* * *

Darcy laid out on her back on the couch in the living room, it seemed that Tony had wanted to create a 'family' atmosphere amongst the team and had deemed it necessary to have each person's room only outfitted with a bedroom and bathroom. All common areas were just that…common. Darcy didn't really mind though, it felt more like a real house that way rather than how SHIELD had been, all closed off.

Clint and Natasha hadn't really gotten used to it yet but they were slowly coming around. Otherwise everything seemed to be good. She barely even saw Bruce, Tony, or Jane; too engrossed in their labs to be sociable. Darcy bounced between the three mostly, she found herself falling into the routine of feeding the scientists snacks and ensuring that the coffee was made and full, then ushering them to bed when it was obvious that they needed it.

Not that she minded; it was just that between assisting the three and conferencing with Fury and her father, she didn't have much time to tinker herself. So with this two hour break Darcy decided to lie out on the couch in the living room on her back; her music blasting into her ears while she read a book.

So it goes without saying that she hadn't noticed the man in the suit leaning over and eying her curiously; though she hadn't needed to see him to know that he was there and spying on her. With all the skills she'd learned from Tasha, it had only taken a second to toss the man up over the back of the couch, over her, and onto the coffee table on the other side. The force in combination with his weight caused the table to buckle; sending both the man and the wooden table sprawled flat on the ground.

Darcy sat up quickly, yanking the headphones from her ears just in time to hear him groan and sputter out, "Tony!"

"Oh god, I'm sorry," Darcy apologized quickly, her eyes wide.

"Jarvis just told me what happened," she heard Tony's voice shout from the elevator, his footsteps coming closer and closer, skidding to a stop as he leaned on the back of the couch and grinned, "I can't believe I missed that. Jarvis you get it on tape?"

"I did sir," Jarvis replied.

"Awesome," Tony smirked, "Sorry Happy, but this is just too good."

"I came in here looking for you, ya know," Happy huffed annoyed, moving to try and sit up without getting a splinter from the broken wood.

"Totally makes it worth ruining a four thousand dollar table."

"Four Thousand!" Darcy huffed in disbelief, "That's insane."

"What's insane is that this isn't the first time a SHIELD agent threw him around like a rag doll," Tony laughed.

"Can we not talk about this?" Happy huffed.

"I don't think I can talk about anything else," Tony smirked.

"Oh god…Happy are you okay?" Pepper shouted, concern written across her face as she ran toward him and helped him to stand despite the tight skirt and high heels.

"I'm so sorry Pepper," Darcy sighed, her eyes sad, "I just…he sort of snuck up on me."

"I didn't mean to," Happy huffed, straightening his suit, "I announced myself."

"I was listening to music and reading a book."

"Your eyes were closed…you were asleep."

"None the less," Darcy grumbled, "You snuck up on me and that's what happens."

* * *

Darcy huffed, pulling her dad's shirts from his dresser in complete distress. She'd neglected to wash her clothes for almost three weeks and was completely out of things to wear. Her dad was still at the Helicarrier, more-or-less wheelchair bound for another couple of weeks but he still had half his clothes already moved to make the transition easier. The problem was that all his leisure clothes had something to do with Captain America and all his work clothes were stuffy suits.

This was how Darcy Lewis just about walked into Steve Rogers while wearing an extra baggy tee-shirt donning a giant Captain America Shield that held the caption, 'I want you for US Army.'

"Nice shirt," he grinned, dropping his duffel bag onto the floor of the living room outside the elevator with a smirk.

"Not a word, I don't wanna hear a word Capsicle."

"I didn't realize you were a fan," he smiled, trying to fight the laugh that was beginning to spill over from his lips.

"What did I say," Darcy glared, "What did I say?"

"I can't help it, it's just…has Tony seen you wearing that shirt?"

"No, I just put it on," Darcy huffed, her hands moving to her hips, "I'm out of clothes, so I raided Dad's wardrobe. It was either this or a man's suit."

"Hey Cap," Tony shouted, "I just heard you decided to come join the rest of us. Looks like you already got a welcoming party though; hey short stuff."

"Hey Tony," Darcy waved, watching as his face contorted to shock as he moved closer.

"What are you wearing?" he scoffed, "Trying to seduce Captain Virgin over here?"

"No," Darcy huffed, "This is the only thing I could find that was clean."

"Did you just call me Captain Virgin?" Steve glared, eying Tony angrily.

"I call it like I see it," Tony shrugged, "I mean; I bet you're even a hand virgin."

"That's enough," Steve glared, glancing at Darcy who was snickering behind her hand, "And you're only encouraging him."

"I'm sorry Steve," Darcy huffed, tears beginning to stream down her face, "But is he wrong?"

"I'm not dignifying that with a response," Steve huffed, grabbing his duffel bag and moving toward the elevator, "Where's my room?"

"You are on the 52nd floor Mr. Rogers," Jarvis responded, earning a jump from the man, which only caused Tony and Darcy to laugh harder, "Right above Ms. Lewis."

"Hey Darcy," Tony laughed, "Your under Steve."

"I don't think he'll try anything, even if he is on top," she commented back, Tony bursting into a fit of giggles. Steve rolled his eyes and sighed as he moved into the elevator and furiously pounded on the close door button.

"Don't take your sexual frustrations out on the elevator," Tony called out, "Jarvis doesn't swing that way."

Steve rolled his eyes again and let the doors close in front of him, Tony and Darcy bursting into a new set of giggles as the doors closed Steve off from them.

"I can't believe he's agreeing to live here," Darcy cried out.

"Me either," Tony agreed, laughing along with her.

* * *

Darcy sat in the lobby of Avenger Tower with a slight scowl on her face. She was still waiting for Fury to show up; and he was now 3 hours late. Tony had refused to give the man access to the private elevator and it was now Darcy's job to use her credentials to get him where he was supposed to be when they had a meeting; so until he got here she was required to wait around for him. The reception desk people were starting to give her dirty looks.

She pulled her phone from her hobo bag and shook it when it showed that there were no missed calls or text messages. Was Fury seriously showing her up? She was going to kill him; she felt like that girl waiting for her date at the dance only to be a big old joke all along.

"Miss Darcy?" a voice questioned curiously from behind her. It had startled her more than she would've liked, causing her to jump like she'd been bitten by something before swinging her legs over the backless bench so she could face him.

"Mr. Steve," Darcy replied.

"You don't have to call me that ma'am," Steve smiled awkwardly, Darcy simply raising her eyebrow at him as a challenge. "Fine," he conceded, "Da…Darcy. Sorry that just feels rude."

"You could use a little rude;" Darcy smiled. Steve shook his head at her but smiled none-the-less.

"So what are you doing down here anyway?" Steve questioned curiously, "I've been looking for you."

"You draw the short straw?" she guessed with a huff. He shook his head at her and she laughed, "No, its cool. I'm actually just waiting for Fury."

"Fury?" Steve questioned confused, "He's been upstairs with Stark and Barton for the last 3 hours."

"What!" Darcy screamed, standing from the bench and throwing her bag to the floor; the room of Stark Industry employees freezing to stare at her like she'd thrown bleach on an anthill, "He's up there? He specifically told me that I was supposed to meet him in the lobby."

"He arrived on the Helicopter Pad on the roof," Steve shrugged, "You were supposed to meet him down here?"

"Yes," she growled, crossing her arms and scowling, "What an asshole. You know what; I'm not going to that meeting."

"Fury sent me to find you specifically _for_ the meeting."

"Well," she mused, "Sucks to be him I guess. Let's do something."

"Like go to the meeting?" Steve guessed hopefully.

"Nice try Cap," Darcy smirked, "No, we are going to explore New York City. Have you been around New York yet?"

"Yes."

"Where at?"

"Times Square."

"Well that's pretty cool; where else?"

"Well…"

"That's it?"

"Well Fury sort of found me in Times Square and set me up in an old style gym with a loft apartment above it. I've was just keeping to myself there until he came and got me for the Avengers."

"That is just sad," Darcy replied, "Okay, we are going on a tour of New York, come on."

Darcy grabbed him by the wrist and practically dragged him out the clear entrance doors of the Tower, spotting Happy leaning against the black town car reading a magazine.

"Happy," Darcy smiled, waving excitedly to get his attention.

"Darcy?" he questioned confused, squinting his eyes in confusion, "What are you doing out here?"

"I'm gonna show Steve around New York," she declared proudly, "Can you take me to one of those Double Decker Bus Tour ticket buying places."

"I thought you were going to be the one doing the tour?" Steve responded slightly confused.

"Nah," Darcy huffed, "I've never really been here either unless it was with Dad for a meeting, and then I was left in the hotel room. I wanna see the big apple as much as you do."

Happy eyed the blonde solider before turning back to Darcy, "No can do; I'm waiting to take Ms. Potts to the airport. She had a meeting with someone in development and then she needs to head over to Malibu."

"Well, do you know where the bus tour station things are? Darcy asked with a huff.

"Yeah, there's one just three blocks down," Happy replied, pointing his gloved hand in the general direction.

"Then it won't take long for you to take us there and then get back to pick up Pepper."

"Darcy," Happy sighed, wincing slightly.

"Darcy," Steve added, "Maybe we should just let him do his job?"

"Well it's too late now," Darcy smiled, peaking her head out from inside the vehicle, "I'm already in the car so I think it would be faster to take us there than to fight with me instead." Happy grumbled under his breath by non-the-less moved to the driver's door of the car shouting,

"Hurry up and get in Captain, I'd really rather not keep Ms. Potts waiting." Steve nodded quickly, scrambling into the car beside Darcy and glaring at her; a perfect grin seemingly permanent on her face.

oOo

Jane sat in the corner of the L shaped couch, Bruce on her right and Tony on her left. Natasha sat on the arm beside Tony, leaving plenty of room between them, while Clint sat beside Bruce on the other end, staring at the carpet, flinching at every sound he heard. Fury simply stood stoically by the large windows of the living room, pacing slowly; not having much else to do.

"Yeah," a voice suddenly shouted excitedly, "And then the guy's running from the giant T-Rex and you've got the Easter Island head that really wants gum. Plus the pharaoh comes to life to, we'll have to watch and then go back to the museum."

"Yeah," the other voice confirmed, "That really was a cool tour. I couldn't believe they actually let us tour Yankee Stadium. It looked so fresh and everything was so bright and colorful; I mean did you see all the team shops, it was like a tiny city in there."

Darcy laughed, "Yeah, if we have time tomorrow we should do the Downtown loop. We did pay for the 72 hour tour after all."

"We definitely should," Steve agreed, "I can't believe that they charge $125 per ticket. We really need to get our money's worth."

Darcy laughed and nodded simultaneously, "Totally."

They had been headed toward the fridge when Darcy spotted Fury, glaring at her in all his black leather glory. After having spent the rest of Darcy's paycheck on the tickets and not being able to buy anything to drink at any of the overpriced areas they had determined that they were going to scavenge off Tony.

"Hey Nicky," Darcy smiled, trying to act as nonchalant as possible, her face scrunching up innocently..

"No," Fury replied, "You don't hey Nicky me. It is 10:30 at night right now. We've been worried."

"Ohhh?" Darcy questioned raising her eyebrows as though this news was perplexing to her.

"Why weren't you in the meeting?"

"What meeting?"

"The meeting at Noon today."

"Oh, you mean the meeting where you had told me to come to the lobby for so you could get into the conference room; that meeting?"

"Darcy…" Fury grumbled trailing off with a sigh.

"I was waiting for 3 hours before Steve found me," Darcy glared, "I was waiting for you for 3 hours and you were already here. Do you know how messed up that is?"

"It was faster that way," Fury explained.

"Really, an excuse but not an apology; interesting. Whatever," she shrugged, taking in a yawn before turning to Steve, "Tomorrow, Downtown noon okay?"

"Okay," Steve agreed nervously, earning glares from the group the entire thing.

"Night guys," Darcy called out as she boarded the elevator.

* * *

Tony stood stock still as the explosion rocked the ground below his feet. His eyes dancing around nervously and he heard fire doors slamming shut and the power flicker. His head whipped towards the glass windows lining the hallway and time seemed to move at half speed as he spotted Clint run down the hall as fast as he could, Natasha only seconds behind him, shouting "Darcy" as loud as her lungs could handle. He knew it had to be loud because he could hear it despite the sound-proofing of the room and the fact that his ears were still ringing from the explosion.

Tony felt himself drop his wrench then hit the ground running, bursting through the door and heading down the corridor to Darcy's lab. He paused to catch Steve bounding into the hall from the emergency staircase, probably from his room and running alongside him,

"What happened?"

"Don't know but I heard Widow scream Darcy's name so that must mean something." They skidded to a stop as they reached the first window lining Darcy's lab, the pane itself completely blackened. He looked down the hallway to find that all four windows panes were coated in explosive ash.

"This is bad isn't it?" Steve winced, nervously.

"I'm sure everything's fine," Tony stated aloud, more to himself than anyone else. He'd come to see that girl as kindred spirit, the daughter he never had. To have her dead, just like that, well he wasn't sure he could take it.

"Darcy," they heard Clint shout desperately, "Darcy where are you?" The two moved to the door of the lab where Natasha was already standing, trying to catch her breath. She glanced back at the two before quickly looking back to the wreckage that Clint was wading through trying to find her.

"That was bigger than I expected," they heard a voice say from behind them…a voice that sounded like Darcy's.

"I told you that you used too much dynamite," Bruce informed her with a roll of the eyes, a slice of cake in one hand and a fork in the other, "What did you expect?"

"Darcy," Steve breathed out heavily; Tony hadn't noticed that the man had been holding his breath. He also hadn't noticed that he'd been holding his own either. Within a second flat, Steve had her pulled into a bear hug, her plate of cake sliding from her grasp and falling to the floor; her legs no longer touching the floor as he lifted her into the air and squeezed.

"Steve, you're squishing me," Darcy wheezed, her breasts being pressed into her ribcage so hard that it was restricting her airway.

"Oh I know, this is punishment for having us all worried," Steve grumbled, squeezing her harder.

"Lesson learned," Darcy huffed out breathless.

"Not quite," Steve responded, giving her one more hard squeeze before dropping her and allowing her to fall on her ass.

"Ow," Darcy grumbled, standing and rubbing her butt in pain, "Uncalled for."

Tony caught sight of Clint making his way from the wreckage in time to whack her in the back of the head.

"Also uncalled for," Darcy winced, rubbing her now sore head from the ground.

"Don't you dare do that again," Clint glared, "Do I need to start babysitting you again?"

"I was fine," Darcy glared, "Bruce and I were just running some tests and we went to grab a snack while they were running. The explosion went off and we knew we used too much TNT."

"I knew it was too much before it destroyed the lab, Darcy. You just don't listen, it's like working with Tony."

"I know; to be honest I just wanted to watch it explode." This time it was Tony's turn to whack her in the back of the head, "God, oww."

"Don't go wrecking my lab for the fun of it," Tony lectured annoyed, "That equipment is worth millions; though now that I know that you're okay, it did sound pretty cool."

"I know right," Darcy smiled.

"Stop," Natasha glared, "You're only encouraging her."

* * *

Pepper tilted her head slightly as she eyed the sight in front of her, Tony seemingly attached to her hip, "What's going on Tony?"

"Oh," he smirked, eyeing the tiny form of Darcy elbowing Steve's shoulder from the couch, a smile on her face as he tried to hide his eyes, "She's trying to 'technotize' him."

"Steve look at the screen," Darcy huffed, elbowing him in the shoulder yet again as she sat beside him, her feet curled under her as she leaned on him for support from her lack of centered gravity.

"I refuse to watch this disgusting program, Darcy," he winced, his hands both covering his eyes and his ears simultaneously.

"It is not that bad, I mean, it's on local TV," she reasoned curiously, "Just not in the United States."

"What are you watching?" Pepper called out curiously, causing Darcy to whip around and look at the woman with a grin.

"Misfits," Darcy smirked.

"What's that?" Tony responded, slightly confused.

"Only the most vulgar show ever," Jane answered, coming from the kitchen with a glass of cranberry juice and a hot pocket.

"It's awesome, don't listen to Jane," Darcy replied, rolling her eyes, "It's about these teenagers who get superpowers but not all their powers are useful."

"What does that mean?" Pepper responded curiously.

"Like one guy can turn invisible, and one guy can turn back time, and one girl can read minds, and…"

"…and one girl makes whoever touches her, want her…you know, physically," Steve provided, wincing as he said the words.

"See," Darcy smiled, patting him on the shoulder, "You do understand it."

"I never said I didn't understand it, I said that I don't like it. There's a difference."

"Your just worried you're gonna be like that lady from the second episode and when you have sex you're gonna turn to your real age…how old are you anyway?"

"I don't wanna talk about this," Steve grumbled, standing from the couch and pushing Darcy off of him.

"Oh come on grandpa don't be like that," Darcy called with a laugh, his overdone sigh resounding through the halls.

Steve headed toward his room before spotting Bruce in his lab, staring over at computer monitor deep in thought.

"Hi Dr. Banner," Steve sighed sadly, letting himself into the room and sitting in one the stools around the lab.

"Steve?" Bruce questioned, furrowing his brow curiously, "I wasn't expecting you."

"I know, it's just you're the most sensible of everyone here, and I needed to talk to someone," Steve shrugged curiously.

"I don't know if I'd say that I was the most sensible but I'll listen if it helps. What can I do for you?"

"Well I mean it's a bit uncomfortable to talk about but…"

Bruce glanced up from his work, his eyes staring at the super soldier over the rim of his glasses, "But…"

"But…I don't want to move on."

"You've lost me."

"I don't want to move on from Peggy."

"Peggy," Bruce pondered, "The woman you worked with during the war; right?"

"Yeah, I mean she was my first real crush. Don't get me wrong, I liked girls when I was in school but it never really mattered much, I was so much smaller and weaker than everyone else. I was the one that always got picked on. Peggy was the first girl to actually like me and I really fell for her fast."

"So you still like her?" Bruce questioned, unsure of where this conversation was going.

"I don't think I'll ever be completely over her but I…I…I think I like someone else too."

Bruce paused, his mind reeling, "And this girl would be?"

"Ms. Darcy," Steve sighed, his head dropping onto the table-top with a thump.

"And you don't want to, I'm guessing?" Bruce prodded, unsure.

"I mean the girl's real swell; she's confident and daring and beautiful…all things I loved about Peggy; but at the same time she's snarky and brilliant and as unpredictable as my friend Howard had been. I can't help but like her."

"It's okay to like her," Bruce shrugged, trailing off, "You're a good guy and she's a great girl."

"I looked up my old platoon," Steve admitted sadly, "Peggy's the only one still alive; I just…the idea of doing that to her is hard. I can't even gather the courage to go see her. I just don't think I'm ready to move on and I'm not sure that I want to."

"That's okay Steve," Bruce sighed, placing his tools on the table and moving to the leader of their sad little team, "But I'm not sure what kindof advice I can give you. I think you just gotta figure this out yourself."

"Thanks," Steve sighed, "I know your right, but honestly, talking to you has really helped."

"Well then I guess I'm glad I could be of some help then," Bruce shrugged, heading back to his table to get some work done. He started to re-configure the test he'd been working on when he noticed that Steve hadn't moved, "Don't you have something else to do?"

"I do but I don't really wanna go back out there right now, Darcy's trying to make me watch a show that has graphic sex and swearing."

Bruce took a sip of coffee, chuckling to himself until Steve continued,

"You don't think I'd go back to my real age if I had sex right?" Bruce coughed up said coffee, drenching the computer monitor in front of him.

* * *

Darcy scoffed, standing on the front steps of city hall beside Tony in a crisp white suit, "Why am I here?"

"You're part of our group," Tony smirked, patting her on the back with a grin. He pulled down his sunglasses to eye her curiously, "Why? You shy?"

"No," she huffed, rolling her eyes, "I grew up with Coulson as a Dad, I've kind of gotten used to staying out of the limelight."

"Well that's not gonna happen," Tony smirked, "But it's a nice thought." He turned to look back at the crowd of media gathering around the steps and then turned to spot Barton and Romanov glancing around, on guard, "Though it doesn't look like you're the only one."

"They're not really good with large crowds," Darcy shrugged, "Though Bruce doesn't look very excited to be here either."

"I kind of figured that one," Tony replied with a sad smirk, "So…you ready?"

"Ready for what?" Darcy questioned confused; to which he responded,

"This." He smiled and pushed her slightly, her stumbling causing her to bump into the podium. She gripped the sides and stood, regaining her balance before turning to glare at Tony who smiled and waved in response.

"Asshole," she whispered, only to have the eight microphones pick it up and project it across the square. She felt herself shrink in embarrassment and wish she could disappear, though Tony seemed to find the entire situation hilarious.

Tony moved to stand beside her and butt bumped her to get in front of the microphones, "I am happy to present the public face of the Avengers, Ms. Darcy Lewis."

"I'm sorry what?" she sputtered out over the speakers, turning to watch Stark back away into the line of other Avenger heroes with a grin.

"Ms. Lewis…Ms. Lewis," the crowd of reporters began to shout, "Question…Question….Ms. Lewis…How is….Ms. Lewis…..Is this…..Question…..Ms…."

"Shut up," Darcy screamed, her head reeling with their questions like her mind was going to explode, "Just give me a minute here. Just be quiet….god how do you guys not piss each other off." She pulled out her phone quickly and began to play on it, the device making tiny dinging noises as she went along. Steve found himself looking at Tony, mouthing his questions curiously, though Tony had no answers, just shrugging his shoulders in response.

"Okay," Darcy finally stated, looking up with a smile, "I have now officially set up an Avenger Twitter account. So I don't want anybody shouting out questions, it's crazy annoying. If you want ask a question, send it to Avenger Question on Twitter…deal?"

The entire group of reporters seemed to drop their hands into their pockets, quickly sending in their many questions to her as her phone vibrated in her hand like a sex toy.

"Alright…calm down," Darcy told the microphone, "I'm gonna start from the first one okay?" She sighed, dragging the now hundreds of questions to get to the bottom, "First question, 'Who the hell are you?' Okay, valid question. I am government official who has been assigned to manage the group of heroes and ensure that nothing gets too….wonky I guess you'd say."

"Next question, 'Is the bow guy's ass as bootlicious as it looks?'" Darcy had to pause, covering her mouth with her arm as she continued to laugh as though she was going to die, "Um, I guess it is? Clint, turn around and shake your booty."

"No," Clint huffed, "I'm not going to do that."

"Oh come on," Darcy whined, "Shake it like a polaroid picture."

"Darcy, turn around and answer another question," he grumbled. She sighed, but listened none the less eyeing the next question curiously,

"So someone asks 'Does the hot ginger chick like it…' Okay I'm not answering that question. Whoever wrote that is disgusting." She began to speed read through the questions quickly muttering in response, "Ummm, gross, lewd, pointless, another disgusting…what is with all you people and wanting to fuck the Avengers. How would I know how big Hulk's dick is and if it would 'rip you apart from the inside'…that is a messed up question."

Bruce's eyes went wide and he quickly ducked back inside the Tower, "See, you scared Bruce. That's messed up."

"I think this meeting is over," Steve stated, quickly, placing his hand on the small of Darcy's back as he led her off stage quickly.

"Yup, meeting's over," Tony concurred, lifting his hand, "And you people are sick…hilarious, but sick."


	12. Because Darcy is a Stark by Blood

**So here it is. Next chapter probably won't be for a while...like a week or so, just cus I need to catch up on sleep and homework but I will be back...in the mean time enjoy Tony having his mind blown.**

* * *

**Survival Tip #381*** – We don't care how much you love him; don't start telling people you're Tony Stark's love child. You'll only have yourself to blame.

* * *

Steve stuffed his hands in his pockets nervously, "I can't do this Darcy; let's go back."

"I just borrowed Stark's private jet to bring you to Manchester. That man is going to wring me up by my neck for it, so no can do Cap. You've gotta face your fears."

Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath, pushing open the glass doors of the nursing home trying to put on a brave face. The truth was that the man had never been more frightened in his life. Would she remember him? Did she get married? Was she mad at him? He had no idea but it had been 70 years for her and only a few weeks for himself.

Darcy followed him into the building and talked with the receptionist, getting the room number and motioning for him to follow her down the hallway.

"I wanna turn back," Steve muttered, the smell of cleaning sanitizers and medication hitting him suddenly. He didn't want to see her like this. Everyone else was gone, it was a sad but understandable fact; he just couldn't do this, not with her.

"If you don't you're gonna regret it," Darcy replied sadly, "If you keep putting it off she'll pass away and neither of you will get the closure you need."

Steve winced when Darcy said pass away. He didn't want to think about this, he wanted to remain in ignorance. Darcy stopped at a door a little ways down the hall and Steve paused behind her, reading the name on the plaque, Peggy Carter.

Steve sucked in his breath but Darcy quickly knocked before he could escape. Darcy smiled, while Steve just looked completely uncomfortable, "Come in."

"See, she said go in," Darcy informed the Super Soldier with a huff, "So go in."

"I can't do this Darcy," Steve replied sadly.

"Is someone there?" the voice asked curiously.

"You better go in," Darcy glared, "Don't make me hit you!"

"It wouldn't hurt," Steve replied, none the less letting his hand circle the doorknob.

"That's what I thought," Darcy huffed, watching as he turned the door knob and walked into the room.

Darcy eyed the room curiously from behind the man, it was dark, and slightly damp from the humidifier in the corner that let off a low hissing sound as it let the moisture fill the tiny area.

She wasn't sure if she should really go in too but the look of pure fear in the man's eyes was enough to grab him by the arm and lead him deeper into the cave-like bedroom of the woman.

"Peggy Carter?" Darcy asked the woman from beside Steve curiously, dragging him closer to her bedside.

"Yes," the woman responded, confused, "I'm Peggy Carter."

"I have a man here," Darcy responded, Peggy's wrinkled eyebrows furrowing in slight confusion.

"I believe I owe you a dance," Steve finally muttered, his hand reaching around to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly as he stood before the woman tucked into her bed.

"STEVE?!" the woman called out desperately, as though it were an odd dream she was waking up from, her arms reaching out with no clear destination.

"It's me Peggy, I'm so sorry for everything," he huffed, trying to fight back the tears as the woman he'd kissed only weeks ago tried and failed to right herself to a sitting position.

"Oh Steve," she smiled, tears streaming down her face as she clasped his hands with hers, "Did Howard finally find you?"

"Peggy," Steve winced, carefully wording, "Howard's been dead for a while now."

"Oh…" Peggy seemed to mutter almost to herself, "That's right, he and Maria died in that plane crash. Poor Anthony; he's what, 20 now."

Darcy blinked sadly, the woman's mind was going, and Steve was going to have to watch her struggle.

"I have a husband you know," she told him happily, "He always says I talk too much about you; says he's jealous."

Steve laughed, patting her hand with his own as he tried to collect himself, "I'm sure he's a great guy."

"It's Chester," she laughed, "After all his years of trying, that SHEILD director finally got my hand."

Steve smirked at that, Chester Phillips married Peggy Carter, "We've got three kids, none of them are old enough to be out on their own really yet but Chester's got them taken care of while I'm here in the hospital, you know, fractured Femur and all."

Steve bit his lip, remembering reading that Chester died almost 15 years ago, and smiled, "Well once that bone of yours heals we're goin' out dancing, you got that?"

"I can't think of anything better," Peggy smiled, "Did I tell you I got married?"

"I heard," Steve smiled sadly, beginning to feel worse and worse and he watched her slip farther and farther away, "Chester Phillips."

"That's right, who told you?"

"Nick Fury," Steve smiled.

"Aww little Nicky Fury?" Peggy regarded with a smile, "He's a good kid. Takes a bit to many risks for me, but he's a good kid. He wants to be director when Chester retires and he's looking like a good replacement; once he gets a few more years on him of course. He's always playing with that gun of his. I keep telling him that he's gonna shoot his eye out, I swear, I think he thinks he's gonna live forever."

Darcy couldn't help but laugh at Peggy's warning, suddenly wondering if it was all those times that he was 'playing with his gun' that got him the eye patch. She'd have to ask.

"Oh, who do we have here?" Peggy smiled, "Oh hello Winny. How's my littlest one."

"Oh…um good," Darcy smiled, trying to play along.

"And I see you've brought your boyfriend," Peggy smiled, releasing Steve's hands to grasp Darcy's, "What's his name?"

"Steve," Darcy responded, thinking twice once it was too late.

"I knew a Steve once," Peggy smiled, "I know I've told you these stories before but do you remember the time Steve and I were over in Italy and….Oh Steve; where's Howard, I just knew he'd find you. I just knew it."

The woman released Darcy's hands now and moved to grasp Steve's again. Darcy quickly took a couple steps back, this was not for her, this was for Steve and she just needed to get out of the way. She turned toward the door and noticed the multitude of Captain America collectibles on the dresser and covering the walls in wonder and amusement. Her dad would piss his pants if he saw this collection.

Steve watched Peggy's face as the faint cloudlike wisps in her eyes suddenly cleared for a second as she gasped out,

"Steve. How is it possible?"

He stared at her hard for a second trying to decide who he was replying to, "I was fished out of the ice. They thawed me out; the Serum kept me alive all these years."

"I'm sure Howard would have been so thrilled to see you okay."

"I'm so sorry Peggy; for everything."

"Don't be sorry Steve. I've had a great life. I married Chester, had three kids, five grandkids; I'm just glad everything turned out okay for you," she said with a smile, "And it looks like you've found yourself quite a dish already."

Steve glanced around confused before his eyes finally landed on Darcy, whose back was to the two as she stared at the shrine on the dresser, "Oh no…I mean…It's not like that…"

"Steve look at this; it's a mini you," Darcy sputtered out excitedly as she held up the Captain America Doll, "It's the cutest little thing ever."

"Oh sweetheart you go ahead and just take that," Peggy told her with a smile.

"Oh no, I can't do that ma'am but thank you so much for the offer."

"Don't you no ma'am me," Peggy scoffed, "I want that to go to someone who will enjoy it and lord knows my kids all think I'm a batty old woman with my talks of Super Heroes; they only want to sell it and make some money. You take that stuff, I insist. I may be losing my senses but I know for a fact that I want that stuff to go to someone who wants it."

"Um…if you're sure, but I'm only taking the doll…if that's okay?"

"That's fine; and don't you worry, you just enjoy that."

"Wow thanks Ms. Carter."

Peggy smiled and watched as the girl turned the doll over in her hands in excitement before turning back to Steve, "You better make up for that dance with her, first chance you get…you understand me."

"Of course Peggy," Steve smiled, patting her hand comfortingly, "I'll be sure."

"Good," the woman smiled, "Well I'm getting sleepy now so I think it's about time for my nap. You go take that little lady of yours out for lunch and give her a nice afternoon."

"Alright Peggy, if you insist," Steve smiled.

"I do; now scat you. A woman of my caliber needs her beauty rest."

Steve laughed but helped her back onto her back and pulled the covers up for her, "Have a great day Peggy."

"You too Steve."

"Come on Darcy, time to go," Steve called to the girl playing with her doll like a child on the floor.

"Oh," Darcy sputtered, looking up from the doll to see Peggy's eyes beginning to drift off. She moved to the woman and patted her hand once, "Goodbye Ms. C….Mrs. Phillips."

"Oh, goodbye sweetheart," the woman smiled, "You make sure he treats you well hun."

Oh…um okay; I will," Darcy sputtered out confused, stepping back from the bed to rejoin Steve at the door, and carefully pulling it closed behind them.

* * *

Pepper sat in her office at the Avenger tower slightly frustrated, she had tons for paperwork to fill out for the day and she was 98% sure that Tony was going to be coming in at 12:40 to ask her to lunch. She glanced at the art deco clock on the wall and tried to read it before giving up and looking at her computer clock instead; 12:10, Damn.

She pulled another bundle of clipped papers from the stack that referenced a new type of circuit board from Sweden when she noticed her desk phone flash red. She'd shut the ringer off to help herself get caught up but since she'd noticed it, she should probably answer it.

"Pepper Potts," Pepper stated tiredly into the phone, already wanting the conversation to be over.

"Ms. Potts," her secretary stated quickly, "There are some people here to see you."

"Well tell them to make an appointment," Pepper sighed, she didn't have time for this.

"Well they insist that they see you, they say it's about Ms. Lewis and Mr. Stark. They won't leave until they see you." Pepper paused; no one used Darcy and Tony in the same sentence unless they lived here in the tower; and no one in the Tower would go through the secretary, they'd just walk right in, despite Pepper telling them not to. She shut her eyes for a second in contemplation only to be interrupted, "Ms. Potts?"

"Send them in," Pepper sighed, "I'll take care of it. Thank you."

"Right away Ma'am," the secretary responded, bursting into the room 30 seconds later to let in what could only be described as the Beverly Hillbillies meets Jersey Shore. The man was about 150 pounds overweight with large blue overalls on; one strap undone with a dirty red shirt on underneath, a straw hat on his head, and chewing tobacco in his mouth.

The woman looked as though she was trying to show people that she was better than them. She had all designer clothing and accessories; though it all seemed to be at least six years out of date. Pepper almost vomited at the amount of leopard print on the woman's body.

"Hi," Pepper smiled, standing from behind her desk and moving to shake the couple's hand. The woman ignored the outstretched greeting and moved past it to the chairs in front of the desk,

"Swanky place," she stated before turning to her husband, "I told you they'd have money Edward."

Pepper said nothing but stood there uncomfortably, as the man, Edward, came toward her and shook her hand before moving to take the empty chair beside his wife, "I never said they didn't Lenore."

"Well the way you said it was enough to make me assume," she huffed, both hands gripped tightly around her purse as though Pepper might try to steal it.

Pepper moved back to her own chair and sat down carefully, well aware of the paperwork that still needed to be settled today. She may have to cancel the lunch that had yet to be official.

"So let's just get the pleasantries out of the way," the woman, Lenore huffed, waving an overly manicured hand at the CEO, "We saw the paper."

"Um no offense, but there are a lot of different papers in this city; what paper are you talking about?

"The one with our granddaughter on the cover."

"Your granddaughter," Pepper responded confused, "I'm sorry I don't…"

"May was our daughter," Edward told her sadly; she could tell that he was trying to be helpful but it only seemed to make it worse. She felt like she should know that name but it was the name of a month, last month even.

"I'm sorry but…" Pepper began to trail off not sure of what they wanted or how to help them.

Darcy's mother's name was May," the woman huffed, completely annoyed.

"You're talking about Darcy Lewis?" Pepper gasped out, her eyes wide with surprise, "Your Darcy's grandparents."

"We done saw her on the Bugle paper," Edward smiled, "Right on the front page."

"We know she's important to your little organization," Lenore glared, "And now that's she's back with her father and set to inherit this factory thing we think we should be entitled to some of it; seeing as we're family and all."

"I'm sorry what?" Pepper blanched, completely bewildered.

oOo

Tony sat beside Bruce and Jane, half-heartedly researching his new armor between glances at the clock, his lunch date with Pepper would be happening soon and Tony couldn't help but be incredibly excited since she hadn't been in town all week. Grinning like a child with a new toy, Tony hopped up from his bench and moved to Bruce, the man's eyes drooping as he eyed his research findings.

"So I'm out," he shouted, standing so close to Bruce that the man practically fell from his chair. Bruce turned to look up at Tony and glare angrily as he explained, "Got me a date."

"That's great Tony," Bruce replied, rolling his eyes before going back to his work.

"Wow, someone's in a mood."

"We've been researching the bridge for the last four days and we can't come up with anything," Jane grumbled, her head resting on her hand.

"Just get Darcy," Tony shrugged, "She built the first one, I'm sure she could do it again. I mean let's face it; you're never going to build that thing until you at least have the special ingredient."

"Darcy's not even in the tower," Jane growled, "She's been gone all day."

Bruce nodded in agreement before asking, "What special ingredient?"

"Badassium," Tony smiled, proud of himself.

"Go on you date Tony," Bruce grumbled, assuming that the name was entirely made up as a joke at their expense.

"Suit yourself," Tony smiled, grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair and heading down to Pepper's office.

He'd made just outside Pepper's door when he began to hear yelling, "That's how it works. This is a family company. That little bastard got it from his father and now this little bastard's going to get it from him. If it wasn't for us, that little shit wouldn't have had a mother to have her in the first place."

"Don't talk about Darcy that way," he heard Pepper scream, the sound of her chair hitting the back wall of the office due to the force she must have used when she stood.

"I'll talk about my granddaughter however I want," the woman continued.

"You are never allowed to see Darcy or Tony," Pepper growled, threateningly, "I'll see to that myself."

"What's the difference; you're only CEO while that shit face of a baby daddy has his way with you. When he's done with you he'll move on to the next bimbo; but in the end it doesn't matter…"

Tony began to feel a range of emotions all at once. First he saw red, his rage building and the fact that whoever these people were, they just referred to Pepper as some sort of whore, then he felt confusion, who was that bitch of a woman referring to as a Baby Daddy; it was almost as though she was referring to him but that was impossible, he'd never had a kid.

He'd always said that if he ever was a father he'd actually care about his kid, unlike his ass of a father. Tony had determined that in the unlikely event that he and Pepper ever had a child, he'd be a good dad. And here this woman was saying he was some dead beat baby daddy and Pepper was some slut. What was this, Maury Povich? Seething, Tony moved toward the door handle only to stop as the Hillbilly white trash finished her sentence,

"…because Darcy is a Stark by blood and she'll be the one inheriting this company when her father dies."

Tony froze, did that woman just say Darcy?...as in Darcy Lewis…Phil Coulson's kid?

"Well Tony's not dying for a long time," Pepper defended. Why was she defending that though, why wasn't Pepper talking about the absurdity that was the allegation of Darcy's paternity, clearly that was more of an issue here than when he'd finally bite the big one.

"Have you seen that death trap he plays with," the woman continued, "He'll be dead soon. Would you rather us wait to get our money until poor Darcy is mourning the death of her father; death by Iron Man suit."

Tony's thoughts now seemed to hopping all over the place, faster than when he was discovering something new in fact; it seemed as though Tony Stark was having a panic attack. His hand moved to half-grip over his heart while the other half seemed to rest over the arc reactor, his mind swimming.

"That God damn Secret Agent man didn't want us to have anything to do with her," the woman snarled as Tony tried to focus on the conversation. Secret Agent man must have been Coulson; that only made sense. But why wouldn't Coulson want them to see her; I mean they were her Grandparents…right?

"There was probably a good reason for that," Pepper retorted, Tony only nodding to himself.

"We just wanted Darce to reconnect with her father, her real father. We were running low on funds between the family's gambling and our son Quinn's drug problem. She's supposed to help, that's how family works." Tony scoffed to himself, they just wanted money; they didn't care about Darcy at all, they wanted her to be a Stark so they could have access to the fortune. No wonder Phil didn't want them around.

"Is leaving a tiny orphaned girl at the hospital after her drug addled mother tries to abort her in the alley behind Denny's how family works too? Your 'Secret Agent man' only took her in because you refused." Tony froze, wait…what? How did Pepper know all this, who told her, and why didn't she tell him? And did she say abortion behind a Denny's alleyway…what?!

"We only refused 'cus we wanted that Anthony boy to take her, but he had moved on from May and picked up a new hussy, if he didn't want the baby, why the hell would we?" Why was he the only one who didn't know about the baby?

"Because she's your family…you know what, I'm not going to fight with you about this, Darcy's happy now. She has a family that cares for her, something I'm sure she never would've had if she'd grown up with you."

"You little bitch," Lenore snarled. Tony only smirking at that, go Pepper.

"What do you want to go away," Pepper finally stated, gathering her composure and sitting back at her desk, "Ten Thousand, One Hundred Thousand, Two Hundred Thousand. I will you hand you the cash right now; give you whatever it takes to get your life back on track; but you are never allowed to come back here again. You are never allowed to see Darcy…or Tony for as long as you live. No member of your family may ever have any contact with anyone who works for Stark Industries or any Government Facility for that matter, is this understood?"

"So I can't see Darcy, even just to say hi?" the woman asked curiously, causing Tony to huff from his spot outside the door, she didn't want to see Darcy in the first place.

"No," Pepper glared angrily, "Did you not understand me. No contact of any kind."

"Well," the woman sighed, "I guess if you make it 5."

"Five?"

"A half-million," the woman grumbled, "If you give me half a million dollars then I'll go away and never come back; just like you wanted."

"Fine, five hundred thousand dollars it is," he heard Pepper sigh, the wheels of the chair making a dragging sound to what he could only assume was the office safe. He'd always kept a couple million in there away from Stock Holder eyes. Not for anything illegal but just in case he needed something quickly, like a car or a trip to Guatemala.

As money was exchanged Tony finally let him mind catch up to his ears, the words of the conversation finally processing. He let himself slide down the wall to the floor and let the phrase repeat in his mind repeatedly,

'_Because Darcy is a Stark by blood.'_

Darcy…Darcy Lewis was a Stark? The idea seemed ludicrous, though as he thought back to some of their conversations; the way they agreed, the way they thought the same, the way they mocked life…Oh dear God.

No, it wasn't possible, Tony refused to believe it. Darcy Lewis was not his kid…she was Coulson's. She was that stiff, all business, strict…no that made even less sense. Coulson was all stoic and controlled; between that and living at SHIELD, Darcy should've turned out just like a mini Phil, but she hadn't. She was witty and she made references to the most random things, could make nicknames for anything and everything, she blew things up for fun, and rocked out to music. She was just like him.

It…it was possible, no…it was probable.

"Darcy is my daughter," he whispered aloud, his mind buzzing as he tried to process the idea. The more he thought about it, the more sense it made, and the more he liked the idea.

Hearing a creak beside him, Tony jumped to his feet and sprinted around the corner as the two old people left the office, Pepper herding them to the business elevator where Happy was waiting to escort them off the premises. He watched Pepper's back as she stood tall and empowered, ensuring that the elevator light had indicated that they had hit the ground floor before turning around; Tony ducking out of view just in time to not be seen. She went back into her office and slammed the door harder than he'd ever heard.

He rested a few seconds in his new hiding spot before he heard his phone begin to buzz in his pocket. Panicking again, Tony ran from the hallway before answering it, slightly out of breath,

"Hey Pep, what's up?"

"Na…Nothing…I'm just calling to say sorry. I just, I know there was no official plan or anything but I've got so much paperwork to catch up on since I've been gone and I don't think…"

"You can't make lunch," Tony replied quickly, "That's okay, don't worry about it Pepper, I've got other stuff I can do."

Pepper wrinkled her eyebrows in confusion, "Are you sure? I mean, you were really looking forward to me coming back into town and everything and I really didn't want to cancel our un-official plans."

"No it's okay," he assured, now having big plans of his own for the afternoon, "I've got some time sensitive things to take care of too so we'll reschedule; how about tonight, my room?"

Pepper smiled, catching his drift immediately, "Alright Tony. I want drinks though; I've had a long day."

"Drinks it is," Tony confirmed with a grin, letting her hang up the phone first before heading back toward the labs.

He was just about to the labs when he'd spotted Barton, throwing thumbtacks at the bulletin board in the kitchen as a makeshift Dart Board, "What are you doing?"

"Bored," he shrugged, "Just waiting for Darcy to get back to I can yell at her."

Tony furrowed his brow in confusion, "Why, where is she?"

"Beats me," Clint shrugged, "She ducked outta here early this morning and her phone's been off all day. Jarvis said she was okay and that she'd be home later but that doesn't make me less worried."

"You're known her for a while then?"

"Yeah," Clint nodded, "Feels like too long some days. She's a bit of a hard one to handle."

"How old was she when she…started building stuff."

"Don't know," Clint shrugged, moving to the bulletin board and sticking in the rest of the pins in his hand to the cork, "Heard stories that she was designing circuit boards and network systems when she was three. But I've known that girl since she was 10 and I'll tell you what, she'd give you a run for your money."

Tony smirked, and let out a laugh, "I hear she's a lot like me."

"Darcy once built herself a suit," Clint whispered, gossiping to the man.

"What?" Tony sputtered out, confused.

"Yeah, I mean she was 14; it was missing all the necessary safety protocols and it ran on dangerous nuclear energy. Coulson and Fury didn't deem it safe so it was immediately scrapped. She never would have gotten the guts to get in it anyway; she's got real bad claustrophobia. Coulson always theorized that it was because of her being in the incubator when she was born but there's no way to know for sure."

"She was premature?" Tony asked curiously, wanting any information he could get, "Question; how was Coulson tolerated enough to have a woman carry his kid? I mean is Coulson really her dad?"

"I shouldn't be telling you any of this," Clint stated with a wince, backing up ever so slightly, "Let's just say there are some things that Coulson doesn't know that Darcy knows."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well me and Darcy are tight," Clint admitted, "And some of the things that Darcy's told me are not to be told. I mean as an agent, I'm trained to keep secrets."

"That may be true but we're a team Barton and we can't be keeping secrets from each other if we want to trust each other in battle," Tony replied, an oddly serious tone to his voice.

"Fine, but you tell no one," Clint grumbled, continuing as Tony nodded his head, "When Darcy was in High School, the biology class did blood tests, Darcy tested her blood and came to the conclusion that Coulson couldn't be her real father. Coulson's got O + blood, Darcy's got AB -."

Tony froze, he's got A -.

"So Darcy did some research…and by research I mean that she hacked the SHIELD servers and found her birth certificate. Over half of it was redacted. Something was going on that they didn't want her to know about. At first she was pissed, but then as she thought about it she realized that no matter who her real father was, Phil was her father now and she was content with that; never looked again. Coulson doesn't know that she knows and she wants to keep it that way, understood." Tony nodded his head.

"Why are you so interested anyway?" Clint asked curiously.

"No reason," Tony shrugged, "She's just the only one without a file from Fury."

"What about Foster?"

"She's pretty much an open book," Tony shrugged, earning a slight nod from Barton,

"True. Though you know; if you have questions about Darcy it'd probably be a good idea to just ask her."

"Good idea," Tony replied, "Jarvis, where is Short Stuff?"

"Ms. Lewis is in Dr. Banner's Lab with Dr. Banner and Dr. Foster."

"Seriously," Clint huffed annoyed, following Tony toward the lab.

Tony paused curiously outside the door of the lab where Darcy was working alongside Jane and Bruce. Scanning his card, he could hear loud music pound through the now open door, Darcy bobbing her head to it as she fiddled around on the computer.

"Jarvis, can you run the simulation using the new parameter's to derive possible outcomes," Darcy questioned, continuing to bob her head in time with the rock music pouring through the speakers.

"Of course Ms. Lewis," Jarvis responded.

"Hey short stuff, where've you been? Legolas' been looking for you," Tony called out.

"Oh hey, Stark, I thought you had a date?" she responded, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Got cancelled," Tony shrugged, "Pep's got too much work to do. And you still haven't answered my question."

"Oh, so sexy fun time with you and the CEO tonight, I'll be sure to wear my earplugs," she smiled, pointing her pliers at him; his face breaking into a grin despite himself.

"Darcy," Jane chastised, hitting her in the arm.

"What?" Darcy scoffed, grabbing the bottle of Pepsi off the table beside her monitor and taking a sip before setting it back. Tony focused on the bottle and the ring of red lipstick around the rim curiously; this could be his ticket to proof.

"So you're hiding from the archer I take it," Tony guessed.

"Not particularly," Darcy shrugged, "But I know he wants to know what I've been doing all day…and it's none of his business."

"Oh isn't it?" Clint asked curiously, coming out from behind Tony with his arms crossed.

"That was dirty pool Stark," Darcy huffed, waving a soldering gun at the man, "Dirty pool."

"He followed me," Tony smirked, "I'm just the innocent bystander."

"Innocent my ass," Darcy ground out before locking her workstation and shutting down the soldering gun, "I assume I'm needed for something?"

"You skipped out on training with me and Tash this morning," Clint grumbled, "I'd like to know what was so important that you didn't even tell us that you weren't gonna show."

"Nunya," Darcy replied, raising an eyebrow and scoffing at the man.

"Well then it's time for training now…so let's go," Clint huffed, rolling his eyes and motioning for her to come toward him.

"Whatever," Darcy replied, moving from her stool and heading toward the Agent.

"Hey," Jane called from her spot, "I was wondering if I could come…you know just get some of the basics."

Clint shrugged as Darcy smiled to her friend, "Come on, we'll get you all tough for when lover boy comes back."

Jane rolled her eyes but turned to Banner, "Can you…"

"I got it, go ahead."

"Thanks," Jane smiled, running toward the group that was retreating down the hall.

Once Tony was sure that they were gone, he moved to the pop bottle only to be stopped by Banner's hand pulling it from his grasp with his eyebrows narrowed in confusion.

"What are you doing?" Bruce asked bewildered, "I haven't ever known you to clean up."

"You can do DNA tests, right?" Tony asked curiously, completely ignoring the doctor's question.

"I can, though I don't normally," Bruce eyed him, "What's this all about?"

"Darcy."

"What about Darcy?"

"Can you do the test or not?"

"I can. I thought we already established that, but why?"

"I need to know who Darcy's dad is."

"Coulson," Bruce shrugged, before staring at the man beside him, "Isn't it?"

"That's what I want to find out."

"Why are you so concerned? I know you like Darce and I know you respect Phil but I'm pretty sure that the result of this, no matter what way it goes, will bite you in the ass."

"It's not about whether or not Phil's her dad; he's not."

"So what is this for then?"

"I need to know if she's my kid."

Bruce coughed surprised, "I'm sorry; I don't think I heard you right."

"You did. I think Darcy might actually be my daughter."

"Well," Bruce sighed, grabbing the bottle of pop from the table with a smirk, "Let's get to work."

* * *

"God Darcy how do you do this?" Jane sputtered to the woman on the bench, her body hitting the mat with a thud as Natasha stood over her.

"It took Darcy many years to be able to go toe to toe with me," Natasha smiled, "You are quite good for a beginner. I can see your potential."

"Well thanks," Jane smiled, letting the information lift her spirits and her sore ass. She turned from her spot on the matt and watched as Darcy preformed flip after flip to avoid the cushion-ended arrows that flew past her from the archer's bow, the girl dodging nine of the ten.

"You're getting really good at this," Clint smiled, "Another couple weeks of practice and you'll be all clear."

"I hope so," Darcy smirked, grabbing the discarded arrows on her way back to the three.

"I can't believe you grew up like this," Jane huffed, standing from her spot and throwing her arm around the smaller girl who was now handing the arrows to Barton.

"Ehh, one gets used to it I guess," Darcy shrugged, "Didn't really know much else."

"So do you think we'll ever be able to get Thor back?" Jane questioned Darcy curiously as Natasha and Clint packed up their gear to head back upstairs for dinner.

"Of course," Darcy scoffed, "I mean we've got an astrophysicist, a nuclear physicist, and two engineers; if we can't get Thor back then no one can." The two walked ahead of the duo of assassins heading toward the Dining room for dinner. "Plus, I've already done it once, now I'm just trying to get it all perfect so we can use the million dollar machine more than once," Darcy smiled, Jane just rolling her eyes,

"Just get my boyfriend back."

"Yes ma'am," Darcy laughed, pausing outside the lab where the two male scientists were staring at the screen as though watching paint dry, "Hey losers, you comin' to dinner?" They both jolted upright and stared at the girl in the doorway.

"That time already?" Tony asked with a cough. Darcy raised her eyebrow and snickered under her breath as she eyed the backwards screen counting up in percentages, "I know watching a progress bar can be really fun but I'd like to think that you could come up with something a little better to do."

"Oh shut it," Tony huffed, ruffling her hair as he walked past her and into the hallway, Bruce just steps behind.

* * *

"So last night when I was getting ready to go to bed I was putting my pajamas on and there was half a burrito in my bra," Darcy laughed, stabbing her chicken with her fork. Odd looks made their way to her from across the table.

"I assume you ate it," Jane smirked.

"She wouldn't eat it!" Steve responded, eyes moving from Jane to the girl he was beginning to have feelings for in disbelief.

"Oh I totally ate it," Darcy smiled, "It had a bit of a funky taste to it considering I'd been in the lab for three days without changing clothes and I can't remember which of those days involved me eating a burrito but it wasn't bad, it was a pretty good midnight snack."

"You are so gross," Natasha sighed, rolling her eyes in disbelief.

"Whatever," Darcy shrugged, "It's not as bad as the time the SHIELD base lost power and all the dairy spoiled in the fridge and some idiot opened the doors to let the smell dissipate."

"Oh that was terrible," Clint agreed.

"I'm glad I wasn't around for that," Natasha grinned.

"Oh it was defintely terrible," Darcy joked, "But the look on Fury's face when he landed in a puddle of sour yogurt was hilarious."

"You're the one who coated his bedroom floor in that yogurt to begin with," Clint huffed, "He never bothered to lock his door before that since no one with half a brain ever dared to go in."

"Well he learned that lesson," Darcy laughed.

"Oh Darcy," Steve asked curiously from the end of the table, desperate to change the conversation.

"Yeah?" she responded, glancing up from stiring her mashed potatoes curiously.

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Why?"

"I thought we go over some of the things that have happened over the last 70 years. I was told you were a political science major."

"I was, but I'm busy tomorrow, how about the next day?" Steve nodded in agreement and Darcy grinned.

"What do you mean your busy tomorrow?" Clint asked curiously.

"I'm going out," Darcy shrugged.

"Where are you going?" Natasha questioned, her eyes furrowed.

"Somewhere."

"Oh really; with who?"Clint asked suspiciously, eying her across the table.

"With people."

"Your not doing anything tomorrow are you?" Jane smirked.

"If you must know," Darcy glared, "I have a date."

"Since when?" Clint glared back, "I didn't aprove this."

"Since when am I required to get my dates approved through you."

"Since the prom debacle."

"So you've just thought that I haven't had any dates since 11th grade?"

"Well…"

"You're an idiot," Darcy replied, roling her eyes.

"So who is he," Jane questioned, "Anyone we know."

"Nah," Darcy shrugged, "Just a guy I met at the coffee shop."

"So he was getting coffee," Bruce guessed.

"No he works there."

"So your going on a date with a guy who makes coffee for a living; really setting your sights high there Darce," Tony scoffed.

"My last boyfriend sold bootlegged movies out of the back of his windowless van; I'd say it's a step up."

"God Darce, where are your standards?" Clint sighed.

"What? It's not like I've gotta who lotta offers," she shrugged, "I'll take what I can get. Momma needs to see a little action every once in a while."

"Don't sell yourself short Darce," Steve sighed sadly.

Bruce nodded in agreement before quickly glancing down at his handheld as it vibrated in his hands. His eyes went wide and he nudged Tony on the arm discretely, whispering, "Tony."

Tony looked beneath the table to the device in the Doctor's hands, his eyes wide,

_**Anaylsis Complete**_

_**Paternity Match: 99.9998%**_

* * *

**So, opinions...how you expected or not at all? Good? Terrible? I'm actually really curious. I just didn't want him to find out because someone t****old him. I mean let's face it, if no one's told him by now, they obviously don't want him to know. **_**  
**_

**The next chapter will have the return of our God friend as well as someone else...could it be Loki...I'll never tell ;)**

**Anyway let me know what you think and I'll be back. Have fun in the mean time.**


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